Many weeks ago (mid december?) I was asked to give my testimony to our community group. I still feel oddly disconnected, but I see it as some kind of duty to fulfill requests of sharing my story when people ask (like when I shared my experience with BBBS from stage). Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I shared from my heart, and stitched together a story illustrating how God had been pursuing me, and inevitably seeking to connect. My notes were pretty basic…

It’s no big thing to start journaling again – I’m often the reflective type, mulling things over throughout the day while immersed in other tasks. I want to get better about writing my thoughts down though as it helps in thinking through things and also in creating an archive of life.

I decided to move away from photography and it’s been a bit challenging knowing that my identity is still closely tied to that vein. People expect it of me, I easily see myself there, and yet here I am.

And, while this is only a hundred words or so, I’ll close it up – nature calls and I’ve got a few things to tackle before work.

Till next time,

-Cody

Ah yes, functions.

They are some of the most powerful, uplifting, inspiring and altogether rewarding experiences available.

FED starts tomorrow. In the morning we fly out from Juneau and arrive in Portland close to 2pm. Then it’s off to the hotel and likely a quick turnaround to the function.

This year, I want a new experience. I want a hungry anticipation for the nugget I need to turn the corner. I have much of the knowledge… It appears to be the mind game that I could stand to improve. I am better, lately, about growing myself. I am using the I Am to leverage the power of Heaven for my sake. I am learning and growing and changing.

I am looking.

I am finding.

NKJV Numbers 14:28, [28]”Say to them, ‘As I live,’ says the Lord, ‘just as you have spoken in My hearing, so I will do to you: [29] The carcasses of you who have complained against Me shall fall in this wilderness, all of you who were numbered, according to your entire number, from twenty years old and above. [30] Except for Caleb the son of JJephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun, you shall by no means enter the land which I swore I would make you dwell in. [31] But your little ones, whom you said would be victimes, I will bring in, and they shall know the land which you have despised.

NIV Numbers 14:28, [28] “So tell them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very think I heard you say.”

I am blessed.
I am strong.
I am healthy.
I am lucky.
I am talented.
I am disciplined.
I am focused.
I am prosperous.
I am blessed with abundance.
I am fearfully & wonderfully made.
I am getting younger.
I am getting taller.
I am being renewed.
I am full of health, vitality, wholeness.
I am energetic.
I am young.
I am radient.
I am fresh.
I am beautiful.
I am made perfectly.
I am a masterpiece.
I am created in the image of God.
I am a miracle.
I am a king in God’s eyes.
I am quietly confident.
I am handpicked by the creator of the universe.
I am wonderful.
I am one of a kind.
I am valuable.
I am anointed.
I am a good learner.
I am full of wisdom.
I am lighter.
I am 175 lbs.
I am who God says I am.
I am a lender.
I am accepted.
I am able.
I am qualified.
I am empowered.
I am wise.
I am equipped.
I am free.

Make a list of a dozen or two of the I Am’s that you desire to have in your life.

What kinds of I am’s are coming from my mouth? Words have creative power. [Romans 4:18] Call the things that are not as you already were.

The I Am’s that are coming out of your mouth will bring success or failure.

It affects our future.

What follows the “I am”, will always come looking for you.

Get in agreement with God.

Negative reports spread faster than positive reports.

Lord, please help me to be a stronger man. A better man. A man capable of carrying out your wishes for my life with your help. I know that I can do all thing through Christ. Please help me move that intellectual comprehension into the depths of my heart. Please help me to grow my existing dream. Help me to grow the dreams of others. Help me to be more and be more committed to my future and all the possibilities therein. Lord, I love you and I love that you live for me. Thank you for your support, and protection and providence and help me connect my heart more deeply with your purpose so that I may continue to further your wishes for the future of all the people I come in touch with. Help me dig in deep and to grow myself in such a meaningful way that I can be all that you wish for me. Bless me indeed so that I may be a blessing to others.

I am a man of action, a man of confidence and a man of big dreams and big purposes.

It’s been a freakin’ long time since I’ve taken a moment to post, so I’m here again to check in, although I might not be particularly thorough in my writings. Alas, it’s the way a jumble mind works.

Heather is sleeping, it’s our date night, and while I’m having a lovely time by myself perusing facebook and playing poker on my iphone, I’m sure I could be altogether more productive. But again, here I am.

I guess some reflection was (past) due.

In less than a week, Heather and I will depart on a fun-filled and fairly frantic frolick (sp?) far from home. Ha.

Here’s what’s going to happen:

Friday: Juneau to Portland.
Sunday: Portland to Seattle.
Monday: Seattle to Carson City.
Thursday: Carson City to Denver.
Sunday: Denver to Nebraska.
Monday: Nebraska to Denver, to Seattle.
Monday through Sunday: All around the greater Seattle Area for Eli’s wedding. (Port Townsend, Seattle, Leavenworth, maybe even down to Portland.)
Monday: Back to Juneau.

I’m excited, I’m scared. I’m daunted, I’m calm. It should be a great trip.

Heather’s Dad, Grandfather and Aunt will all be at the Portland FED, and Grandpa Beaudette will be recognized as one of the veterans. Very cool.

Okay, my brain was more enthusiastic than my fingers; I’m ready to tie it down for the moment. But maybe in my reflective state, I’ll be back soon! We’ll see…

Agreement.

When two agree, all heaven and earth move in providence towards making the spoken reality come to tangible fruition.

“If two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them. (Matt 18:19-20)”

Our marriage is an agreement to walk in our lives together along a path that we feel God leading us. When one is disrupted or distracted, our mission is derailed.

So, if agreement is powerful towards achieving any goal, why is it that we get derailed? I believe it is related to Satan’s efforts to poison our thoughts with doubt. He has the capacity, given the lack of intentional cultivation of our thoughts, to engage us in a dialog that leads us towards agreement against God’s word.

Prayer with your wife is invaluable. Bringing two together to reveal a shared heart, or to help bring understanding of the battles being lived under the surface as we pour ourselves out to him. Prayer together gives us two people agreeing on something. Prayer, to Satan, is powerful and dangerous. To God, it is powerful and part of the plan.

So the man is to offer up his strength. Yes, to some extent it will include muscles, but more often it is strength of spirit that is required. We must face the vulnerable state to engage and initiate. It can be terrifying, but for what? To put our heart on the line for someone we love? When did that become hard?

The other day I heard a snippet of a talk about the Man laying down his life for his Bride in the way that Christ laid down his life for the Church. We men (traditionally speaking) wear black and wait at the alter during the wedding because it is recognized that we are dying to ourselves, that we are sacrificing who we are to be who we need to be. I see this as a glimmer of Truth helping me to understand my own journey and actions in my marriage. I love Heather and I want to do everything in my power to enable her life and beauty to be full and fully enjoyed. She means the world to me, and I would happily step in front of any foe to protect and honor her. What does that mean for me now, here, today?

It means I need to give up my vices of comfort and false agreements that I use to hide from my true colors.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” – Marianne Williamson

My doubting and fear only serves the purposes of Satan. Walking in faith and living with belief serve our God in the highest capacity. It gives us the chance to agree with him, and in such, to manifest his purpose for our lives.

Let’s agree to walk in His purpose for our lives.

Agreement.

I’m typing on a bluetooth keyboard which is part of my Zaggmate which I just got to accompany my ipad. So far, I like it quite a bit. It’s easy to use, and while it’ll take a little while for me to get used to the small keys, it works.

Also, I am very used to keyboard commands which might not work on an ipad. Like switching apps? Command+Tab doesn’t really cut it.

Anyhow, just a quick post.

I’ve always been impressed at what technology can do. Anything that the mind can dream of seems to come to the fingertips with computers and other tools. Lately I’ve been in a “Real Life Program” with Microsoft – they sent me a laptop with Office 2010, and I just use it. When I first received the computer, I found that there was a feature to send content directly to a blog online. This is actually a test post for the OneNote to the blog to see if it works like a champ.

In an effort to process some of the random thoughts that are often flying through my head, I’m trying to stay on top of the journaling effort. I don’t recall if I posted each of the prior entries to the journal blog for future review, but I should check that… 🙂

So, on to the random musings from my day…

Work was work. Done at 4, but late because of problems with UAA technology. Mom finished up the final elements of the paperwork for the inheritance detail. I would like to get that sent out asap to get the funds for the possibility of attending the bennett family reunion. I really need to get a clear picture of if I’d like to bring Shane, Nick, my mother, or whomever else might be prudent to bring along for such an event.

Also in my thinking about my thoughts, I noticed that I realized that folks often look (and likely are) dealing with something. For me it’s fuzzy, but I think related to self image/self worth. For others, I’d have to guess the same. It seems that they are often caused by different experiences, but really, at the core of the issue, we don’t resonate with God’s love, so perpetually there is a hole to be filled.

But alas, it’s 12:30am and I’m planning to be up in 5.5 hours. I think I’ll get to bed and keep cogitating on some of these things…