Ah yes, functions.

They are some of the most powerful, uplifting, inspiring and altogether rewarding experiences available.

FED starts tomorrow. In the morning we fly out from Juneau and arrive in Portland close to 2pm. Then it’s off to the hotel and likely a quick turnaround to the function.

This year, I want a new experience. I want a hungry anticipation for the nugget I need to turn the corner. I have much of the knowledge… It appears to be the mind game that I could stand to improve. I am better, lately, about growing myself. I am using the I Am to leverage the power of Heaven for my sake. I am learning and growing and changing.

I am looking.

I am finding.

It’s been a freakin’ long time since I’ve taken a moment to post, so I’m here again to check in, although I might not be particularly thorough in my writings. Alas, it’s the way a jumble mind works.

Heather is sleeping, it’s our date night, and while I’m having a lovely time by myself perusing facebook and playing poker on my iphone, I’m sure I could be altogether more productive. But again, here I am.

I guess some reflection was (past) due.

In less than a week, Heather and I will depart on a fun-filled and fairly frantic frolick (sp?) far from home. Ha.

Here’s what’s going to happen:

Friday: Juneau to Portland.
Sunday: Portland to Seattle.
Monday: Seattle to Carson City.
Thursday: Carson City to Denver.
Sunday: Denver to Nebraska.
Monday: Nebraska to Denver, to Seattle.
Monday through Sunday: All around the greater Seattle Area for Eli’s wedding. (Port Townsend, Seattle, Leavenworth, maybe even down to Portland.)
Monday: Back to Juneau.

I’m excited, I’m scared. I’m daunted, I’m calm. It should be a great trip.

Heather’s Dad, Grandfather and Aunt will all be at the Portland FED, and Grandpa Beaudette will be recognized as one of the veterans. Very cool.

Okay, my brain was more enthusiastic than my fingers; I’m ready to tie it down for the moment. But maybe in my reflective state, I’ll be back soon! We’ll see…

It’s Sunday, March 28th.

Big week. Last Tuesday I had the idea to look for distance photography courses, and came across Hallmark.edu which is an intensive 10-month program suited to provide folks with the skills necessary for a career in photography.  My attention has been captured, and I have a new dream with all manners of energy pouring forward for it.

After pondering, talking and consulting, I’ve decided to apply. Now, this of course means that after applying comes acceptance, and after acceptance comes payment, and after payment means attendance. If you know me at all, you’ll know that I have made a concerted effort since my childhood to remain solvent. While I’ve done a lot of silly things and made a lot of rediculous mistakes, I’ve done OK for myself. But, even still, the tuition/fee of Hallmark rings at just shy of $60,000. That said, Heather and I will be leaving our employment income and pursuing school for 10 months, and our goal is to remain debt free.

So, now is when the rubber hits the road. I have around 3 months to execute something astounding; I will create a passive income to the tune of $1500-2500/month so that we can pursue the opportunity. I think it’s possible that I could liquify the assets that we have as well as receiving scholarships & grants in order to pay for tuition/fees. However, as we’ll be in a new place with no certain source of income, we will produce a business in the next three months that will finance our lifestyle.

It will be an amazing learning curve. We live in the USA, the greatest country in the world with the most amazing resources available to us. It will require radically altering our pursuits, but with the newfound motivation, my past experience, and the help of friends and mentors, it is absolutely achievable.

We’re still in the scoping stage to figure out how much money will be required to make the dream a reality. If everything goes to plan, orientation starts on September 8th with our departure on approximately August 25th.

January 15th, 2010. 5:49am.

I’ve been getting up early and enjoying some quiet time in early in the mornings. I generally aim to be in bed near 10pm (often 11 or midnight), and again up and moving as early as 5. I take my time, have an XS or some coffee, listen to CommuniKate, perhaps a CD, play on the computer, or even do some journaling. For some reason, there’s something mighty cathardic about being up before more of the world gets moving. At the moment all I can hear is the clock ticking away on the wall, and the quiet whisper of the cooling fan on my laptop. I bet if I could quiet my mind enough, I’d hear the refridgerator as well as the networked readynas spinning away.

Lately I’ve started another journey of sorts; Dream Nights were spectacular, and most exciting, I’ve picked up a few nuggets to translate to action. This has been my first week of 4 days off (and subsequently 3 days on) of building the business. It’s been a good experience of putting focused thought effort into coordinating and constructing my business, but there is still a long way to go. It’s given me some reflection time to notice what things I’m doing well, and not-so-well towards the end goals of financial and emotional independence.

I noticed that my self-talk was a bit out of line with the results I’m interested in. I carried self-defeating internal conversations on regarding the responses I might receive when talking with folks out in the world, or over the phone. I’m just at the beginning of that journey, but these realizations have been potent towards action and comfort in walking the quiet track of building myself and others in spite of a busy, and otherwise distracted world.

I’m starting to see the economy of Juneau take a turn. In my own recollection (and with the thanks of a facebook solicitation) I was able to count 44+ places that have gone out of business over the past couple decades – and I’m sure there are more to come. Morris Publishing just filed Chapter 11, and they’re the parent to the Juneau Empire and long-standing Capital City Weekly. Eeeks indeed.

Anyhow, onto my CD, and maybe a little World of Warcraft!

How do you help people? Should you help them? How do you encourage people to grow themselves?

When other people ask those questions about me, how would I hope they respond? Should I tell them to continue pressing on? Should I tell them to give up hope? Push harder? Be gentler? What tactic works best to create the best instance of me?

When other people come into my life and find themselves sharing their load and burdens with me, what’s the best way I can handle the situation? I know that the best vehicle and tools that I have ever seen are to be found with worldwide and amway global. There is no close second. If I know that, why do I continue to hold back from reaching out to those I don’t know (or even those I do) to help encourage them to become better and more, and to abandon their present path, even though they cling to it from familiarity.

I just finished sitting with Sterling and Alex who relayed their concerns and challenges about a variety of topics, and the thing I kept thinking was simply that Bill had chatted with me yesterday very simply about the “Power of Association”.

I am destined for greatness. I am capable beyond all understanding. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Who am I to not be great? God has made me, and he done good.

And here I sit, late into the evening, and wondering still about my purpose; concerned at the divergence of purity and dilution. Do I keep on the straight and narrow, or do I venture off into the weeds and vines and get caught up with all that the Lord has left out of his picture. I know that He wants the best for me, and I want that too. It’s a trying experience to be so worldly, and to know that I’m destined for more. It leads people to guilt, not to lay down in His presence.

So again, I ask what shall I do with this hand I’m dealt. I live a moderately functional life, I know that I can have more, and I dearly want those I love and care about to want more for their lives too.

I want to be proud of the man that I am, and where I am going. If I sit quietly aside and watch my life head nowhere in particular, I’m left with the twang of pain and remorse and regret from the lack of action. Bedsores in life. I want to be a man who strives valiantly towards a greater good. To free the captives, to free my wife, to free others who want more out of life. Freedom Enterprises. Corny? Important.

And now we get close to 1am, and I’m still here typing. For some reason I’ve been thinking furiously and want to know that I’m a good man. My absence from work today was simply to hopefully recharge my spiritual batteries and to make an effort to fight the good fight. I spent 4 hours reviewing various worldwide talks from Maxwell, Tsika, and more and yet my heart still needs a burst of love and support from those I lean upon for love. I think I’ll just crawl into bed and cuddle with my wife and quietly wish for the strength to step out on faith and do the terrifying so that I can give her what she so desperately deserves.

So, for me, good night. For you, good day. And for all, good luck.

With love, sorrow, hope and more,
-Cody

Today at the Juneau Christian Center, Pastor Mike Rose talked about the Prophetic Process. It was a good talk that was undergirded by the developing “Hub” that the church is developing. They had a pretty significant back-story and were able to interlace snippets of prophetic speeches given from the church pulpit previously.

At any rate, the talk was summarized by the following outline: Proclamation –> Problem –> Push.

As much as I enjoyed the talk, and the vision for The Hub, I couldn’t help but realize that the most important thing that any one person in the room could do is to build a legitimate Amway business. If we were Diamonds, we could solve the “problem” of the financial needs by simply cutting a check. They have need of another 100k of funds, and so they have to go out for grants, take offerings, etc. Why not just have the resources to write a check and be done with it. It’s an amazing world that we live in, that through a bit of application towards a known working vehicle and you can achieve any of the dreams you might have had and now that’s done, it’s on to another exploration of newer venues.

Bill stopped by this afternoon to let us know that Brad Wolgamott would be kicked out of the WorldWide & Amway based on violations of cardinal rules. In my 10+ years of being around this business, this is the first time that such a public figure in the world of Amway has fallen so far. It only leads me to think of how badly I want to build huge walls in my life to keep me from the danger of doing the same thing. My brain has a tendency to go there, to not think of my wife first when it comes to the captivations of my life. It’s all too often that I feel that my heart is in a distant place, and I don’t want that. I continue to try to grow myself, and our relationship, but part of me feels bad that my efforts are not … I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want this to happen for me. I want to be stronger, I want to be a man after gods own heart. I want to have a relationship like Dave & Jan Severn; or like Brad & Julie Duncan. It’s not that I want to be those people, but I want to grow myself in the system just like they have and achieved deepily caring relationships in their life. I want my wife to know that she is my first and only love, that she is far and away more important thna anything lese. That she captivates me. I want to know that my thoughts are only for her. I want to be at a place where if I think of sexual topics, she’s in the picturel that I don’t maintain any type of radio silence with her, no matter the topic. I want to know that she is loved deeply by me, and that I’m vulnerable in that love. For only through loving deeply can I hurt deeply, and while the pain of loss may be stong, the pain of never loving is a more pervasive thing. So, slight edge efforts for me: I want to love my wife deeply, for her to know that she is my best friend and that my energies are all directed towards her.

Anyhow, i’m going to nap now, but I just wanted to comment on this change of events and the astonishment of how someone who has been so resolute, cna also be so unauthentic. It’s a shame. Please lord, let me grow in your grace and good will for my life, and not the slight edge of death and sorrow.

I’ve been pretty good about posting – three days in a row now!Prior to this, I kept up well at my wedding site (http://codyjbennett.com/wedding) as it was fun to share with others the ongoings of the wedding life.

While I may continue several more posts from that experience, I’d also like to get back to the (slightly) more mundane posts here. An ongoing journal shows the experiences of life, and allows the day-to-day blur of life to be more obvious than when posts are separated by 2-3 months.

This morning I awoke at 4 am after going to bed at midnight (or so) and found myself up and getting a snack, going to the bathroom, and laying back down – only to realize that I was actually awake… So I got myself up and finished up the editing the wedding of Brian Thatcher & Julie Patz. Photos are right now exporting to a final state so that I can upload them to my site – it’s a great feeling to be complete and I look forward to sharing them with the couple (as well as Mom who contracted my services).

I still have to create a “Bride’s book” type thing, which will be interesting to see where that goes since there doesn’t seem to be any sort of clear explanation online at other photographers sites describing that product. We’ll see.

For now, I’m simply excited to be done, be another day closer to receiving my macbook pro, and to getting on down the tethered world of web surfing. 🙂

I guess I should probably make sure that I’m ready to roll for work and maybe even go in a bit early to get a mocha on the way!  Ta-ta for now!

-cb

Yeah, it’s hard to translate a strong lisp from the Princess Bride into a journal subject line.

Let’s fast forward 8 weeks from the last post: I’m married.

Wait, what?

Yeah, that’s right, I’m married.

The proposal went well, and the engagement was a breeze – literally – it went by fast and all we could feel was the burn of not sleeping and a bit of a wind on our faces. I’m married now which is great, but brings complexities to the tune of not being sure where I stand. I have a ring on my finger, and I feel well prepared to be a husband, but there are still nagging elements to marriage that I’m not sure how to handle.

Take for instance my wife’s desire to be rid of her job, and to have me rid of mine. I don’t like working much, well, mostly the alarm portion of the process, and I don’t like my wife answering to another collection of dictators who don’t take into considerations her specialties and capabilities.

I want to be a Double Eagle Ruby, but that pursuit scares me. I don’t have a track record that suggests I know how to do it, I feel hesitance to run out the door and get it done, but yet, there’s a fire underneath wanting to do everything in my power to provide my wife what it is that she wants and needs. There’s the crutch: am I capable, and am I worthy of success?

Maybe part of my issue is a comparison game to those who have gone before me. I don’t see the Bill Wildes & Brad Wolgamotts to be riddled with self doubt and fear of the unknown, because they’ve already overcome those things. I don’t see those guys afraid to be fearful, and yet having the courage to step out on faith and do it.

Faith is a funny thing. It brought me here, to marriage, with no earthly explanation for my pursuit of it. When it all comes down to it, it feels right to be married to heather. I am at peace with it. I guess I’m focusing too much on the details of going ruby, the plans needed, the clients needed, the downline needed, and not just focusing on how right it feels to move forward in that direction helping others achieve their hopes and dreams. It’s taken me a dozen years to get to this place, and I feel less worthy of acheiving big goals because I wasn’t some hot-shot two-percenter guy. I’m a nobody from Juneau, Alaska just hoping to do some thing right — something bigger than myself.

I want to have the means to bless others. My wife, my self, my family, my friends, my community, my world. I need funds to do it, and I’m not sure I understand the steps it requires for me to acheive it. I make things too complicated. When getting married, I was required to check in with trusted friends (“I’m not crazy, am I?”) and then get to moving on it (“will you marry me?”) to excecuting the party (“when? where? how?”). It was one step at a time, with little sleep, moving furiously towards a goal. I made lists, purchased things, put life on hold, and kept running towards the finish line.

With a double-eagle ruby business, I would have the finances to travel at my whim, treat my wife first class, be retired from our dayjobs if we so choose, drive safer cars, enjoy some of the latest technology, and put massive amounts of money into savings to boot.

I recognize that building an amway business is just a matter of turning the numbers. We develop households into shopping units who purchase consistently, and of those, some will self-identify as business builders with greater dreams and aspirations.

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with the process of getting from here to there. In my engagement though, I just held tightly to the feeling of peace in my choice, and the understanding that it would all work itself out by His hand. I guess that’s the case in this instance too. I can sit back and be fearful, or I can press forward in faith. I choose faith, but I’m not sure how. I need a guide to help place my steps in the process. I’m capable of lifting my foot, but not confident in its placement. I need the path.

stp. 5 touches at the moment, 3 names. still more day to go.

personal use. lunch out on the town. Ugh, need more biz food, nearly everything else: from me!

retail clients. touches, but nothing really leading the way. hmm…

CDs. cunningham emerald rally. love that guy.

Books. none yet.

Functions.easy enough.

Counsel. Called bill on the phone today, had some chat about vision. Glad for the moment of connection.

Accountability. reading earlier in the day would help me feel stronger as that’s a goal of mine to get quality reading in.

Voicemail. not yet… will listen on the way downtown.

Premier Membership. mmmhmm.