It’s no big thing to start journaling again – I’m often the reflective type, mulling things over throughout the day while immersed in other tasks. I want to get better about writing my thoughts down though as it helps in thinking through things and also in creating an archive of life.
I decided to move away from photography and it’s been a bit challenging knowing that my identity is still closely tied to that vein. People expect it of me, I easily see myself there, and yet here I am.
And, while this is only a hundred words or so, I’ll close it up – nature calls and I’ve got a few things to tackle before work.
Till next time,
-Cody
It’s Sunday, March 28th.
Big week. Last Tuesday I had the idea to look for distance photography courses, and came across Hallmark.edu which is an intensive 10-month program suited to provide folks with the skills necessary for a career in photography. My attention has been captured, and I have a new dream with all manners of energy pouring forward for it.
After pondering, talking and consulting, I’ve decided to apply. Now, this of course means that after applying comes acceptance, and after acceptance comes payment, and after payment means attendance. If you know me at all, you’ll know that I have made a concerted effort since my childhood to remain solvent. While I’ve done a lot of silly things and made a lot of rediculous mistakes, I’ve done OK for myself. But, even still, the tuition/fee of Hallmark rings at just shy of $60,000. That said, Heather and I will be leaving our employment income and pursuing school for 10 months, and our goal is to remain debt free.
So, now is when the rubber hits the road. I have around 3 months to execute something astounding; I will create a passive income to the tune of $1500-2500/month so that we can pursue the opportunity. I think it’s possible that I could liquify the assets that we have as well as receiving scholarships & grants in order to pay for tuition/fees. However, as we’ll be in a new place with no certain source of income, we will produce a business in the next three months that will finance our lifestyle.
It will be an amazing learning curve. We live in the USA, the greatest country in the world with the most amazing resources available to us. It will require radically altering our pursuits, but with the newfound motivation, my past experience, and the help of friends and mentors, it is absolutely achievable.
We’re still in the scoping stage to figure out how much money will be required to make the dream a reality. If everything goes to plan, orientation starts on September 8th with our departure on approximately August 25th.
It’s now 2010. In fact, January 3rd. Tomorrow I head back to the daily grind of working at UAS. I found myself nearly in tears at the futility of it, and the desire to be free of the all-to-frequent torture called “employment”.
That aside for the moment, I thought I’d do some quick journaling of the break and of the last year in keeping with the reflection process that I like to maintain.
First of all, the break. We’ve had 10 days off, weekends included from UAS. It’s been nice to have, and fun to stay up until all hours of the day, get an activity or two in away from the house, and then to spend time with Heather nearly the entire time. We had a chance to watch quite a few movies – mostly rentals (Avatar & Sherlock Holmes in the theater, at $10.50/ticket, interestingly.)
New years was good. We went out to a long dinner at the canton house and proceeded through some of the Glenn Bland Success Methods for planning and scoping the future. Heather is excited about any manner of planning, and I go into it with a more stoic mindset, but nonetheless, it was a good experience to talk about what we see for ourselves and our future. I took a few notes, of course, but don’t have my notebook nearby, so I can’t regale you with them now. After dinner, we came back to the house for a bit, and then ended up heading out to West Glacier trail with the Wildes crew. Generally, we spend new years doing some sledding at the Mendenhall Visitor Center area, but this year, there wasn’t any snow for us. Instead, it was remarkably cold, crisp, and had an incredibly bright moon that was casting shadows from anything it could get it’s reflected light around. I took a few pictures from the ice, and then a couple of group shots, and we called it a night.
Christmas was mostly good. I really enjoyed the process of pouring out fun and useful things to Heather. I might have gone a bit over the top in trying to get everything from her list, but of all the ways to have error in the process, that’s a good one. She was very thoughtful to me as well with things like a bike repair stand, an apple wireless access point, books, etc. She was on the receiving end for several books, gloves, socks, a chair (if it ever comes) movies, cooking items, and probably more. We even went above and beyond in designing and sending out a 2010 calendar with my photos for all of our friends and family. An order of 25 goes a long way. I think we only have 3-4 more.
2009 has treated me well. It feels like largely it’s been a blur. I can recall that in April, we got engaged (insert blur effect here) and then in June, married. That whole process was incredible, and a great example of what’s possible to two people when the dream is the driving motivator. We had tons of friends and family, and were able to have an incredible experience of love and connection with each other and our friends.
So, June happened, it was good. Blur some more. In September, Heather and I departed for our first-of-many honeymoon. Juneau to Seattle to San Francisco to (blur more) Memphis. It was absolutely wonderful to spend quality time with Heather and also with the Wildes on the road across the nation. We had some memories made, and some fun had, all with the joy of a 30+ foot RV. I’m still working on the photo album afterwards.
After the honeymoon, things seemed to have blurred by. We have been going to church at the Juneau Christian Center, and further had fun with the McGoey’s in a small group setting aimed towards improving our marriages. Interestingly, we are sparse to connect; I’m not sure if it’s based on mis-matched schedules, or if it’s another mechanism, but for the 3-4 times we’ve met, we’ve been talking about it for most of the year.
A little bit of benchmarking:
Technology in the house:
I’m not really sure what else I might want to note, but at just near 1000 words for this post, I think I’m doing pretty good for a recap. Let’s hope and pray and act as though 2010 will be the best year yet.
-cb
Rather than Timelining, Mr. 4-hr Workweek man recommends seeking excitement and creating a dreamline to help spur you to action. No holds barred, what would you do if there were no way you could fail? If you were 10 times smarter than the rest of the world?
Having (all paid for in cash)
Being
Doing
I’m sure there’s more to come, but this has been a good exercise to expand my thoughts on things that excite me. It’s as he says: happiness is found in excitement, despair in boredom.
This evening, as I sat down for a snack of leftovers/pel meni/chicken, I put down my milk & reading materials and began to think. Granted, I’m not very far into the seating, but I realized that I’m not sure that I could clearly articulate what I’m learning right now in life. I know from the laws of life that we must be learning something, and if I’m not, I’m doomed to repeat it, so perhaps it’s worthwhile to note to myself what I’m learning and, maybe if I’m feeling really communicative, why I’m learning it.
The books sitting next to me are as follows:
The first one is in my stack because Brad Wolgamott had recommended it in a training series he was creating prior to being removed from the world of Amway & World Wide Dream Builders. I don’t know all the details surrounding that topic, and I’m sure I could write a whole entry about that, so we’ll suffice it to say that the book is intended to help focus the mind around the mission statement or vision for your life. I don’t recall if I’ve read it before, but I’m reading it now (albeit slowly) and trying to engage in the process of writing my wishlist for life.
Confidence and Power is nearly always close, granted I’ve got books nearby; for whatever reason, it resonates with me and helps me to remember techniques to engage people in a positive way. It helps me to remember my own confidence and the necessity towards a win-win exchange with people.
And, well, the photography book will be my reward for a reading session well done. I love the camera and capturing special images. We’ll see what I learn tonight that might help me in the future.
Oh, and I need to be mindful of reading through the BBBS materials as I’m supposed to be “chairing” the meeting tomorrow night. 🙂
== notes from reading ==
Believing (not just conceiving) is the key to achievement;
quit thinking of all the reasons why you “can’t” do something and think of all the reasons why you “can.”;
men who have goals and plans dictate to others, while men who have no goals and plans are dictated to.
I’ve been pretty good about posting – three days in a row now!Prior to this, I kept up well at my wedding site (http://codyjbennett.com/wedding) as it was fun to share with others the ongoings of the wedding life.
While I may continue several more posts from that experience, I’d also like to get back to the (slightly) more mundane posts here. An ongoing journal shows the experiences of life, and allows the day-to-day blur of life to be more obvious than when posts are separated by 2-3 months.
This morning I awoke at 4 am after going to bed at midnight (or so) and found myself up and getting a snack, going to the bathroom, and laying back down – only to realize that I was actually awake… So I got myself up and finished up the editing the wedding of Brian Thatcher & Julie Patz. Photos are right now exporting to a final state so that I can upload them to my site – it’s a great feeling to be complete and I look forward to sharing them with the couple (as well as Mom who contracted my services).
I still have to create a “Bride’s book” type thing, which will be interesting to see where that goes since there doesn’t seem to be any sort of clear explanation online at other photographers sites describing that product. We’ll see.
For now, I’m simply excited to be done, be another day closer to receiving my macbook pro, and to getting on down the tethered world of web surfing. 🙂
I guess I should probably make sure that I’m ready to roll for work and maybe even go in a bit early to get a mocha on the way! Ta-ta for now!
-cb
25 Things by Cody
Feb, 2009
1. I am the chair of the Juneau Big Brothers Big Sisters Board, and I sit on the Statewide board. In these roles, I frequently and profoundly feel “out of my element”. It’s an irrational fear, but nonetheless real as I’m sitting in the room with well established and highly respected community members (read: Directors, Managers, CFO’s, VP’s, & Presidents from some of the largest organizations across the state).
2. Speaking of irrational fears, I don’t dance much because I’m concerned with my appearance through the learning process. I frankly don’t want to feel (well, look) foolish, even though I know that’s part of the learning process. I have the feeling (and others have told me, too) that when I decide to pursue such things, I’ll be quite good. I was building courage to take one of Shane Wirtz’s UAS classes, but then he left and some new person is teaching… Ack! Change!
3. In fourth grade, upon returning to school (after the summer my father died) Rebecca Hall (now Brooks) was the only person to offer her consolations for my loss. I will never forget that. If I think about it much, it’s something that brings tears to my eyes. (Thank you, Rebecca.)
4. Though this is pretty largely known by my friends, I think it says a lot about who I am, have become, and will continue to be. I haven’t consumed alcohol since I was 14. I had a single conversation where I was called out in my lie by a man who didn’t care about the action, but cared about me. It was in that moment that I realized that I was letting alcohol become more important than my relationships even at that age. From my father’s death (cirrhosis of the liver, aka Alcohol Poisoning), I knew the pain that could inflict. Since then, it has never been hard to pass up a drink. (Thank you for your love, Bill.)
5. Again, largely known: I’m compelled to recycle. (Read: I cannot “let it go”, it’s as ingrained as my analytical nature.) Further, I cannot comprehend why someone wouldn’t take the effort to do the same. Interestingly, I think it’s driven by an underlying (and inherent) sense that ALL things are interconnected, and that only through individual action can we impact the world at large.
6. My closest (known) opportunity to die was when I was a wee young lad at a BBBS overnight camping excursion to John Muir Cabin. I was sleeping on the second “floor”/loft and rolled off the edge, in my sleep, landing on my rear. My recollection is that this was nearly a 14′ fall. While I didn’t like the bruised and bloodied flesh wound, it was better than the alternative: one person who was awake saw it happened, and explained that a few inches away from where my head landed was a cast-iron wood-stove corner. I’d rather deal with pain than death, methinks.
7. Ever since the start of this 25-thing craze, I have been secretly wanting someone to tag me, and in the last week, I’ve been tagged three times. I really wanted an excuse to start the list, and even share it with others. I see this list as an opportunity to reflect and note “things” that are significant to me. Subsequently, I intend to archive it for posterity. Likewise, I keep a digital journal that I someday expect to turn to a printed & bound book so that my grandchildren can read about the struggles and victories that I have encountered.
8. My photo and a quote was published in Esquire magazine after someone contacted me via myspace to complete a survey about what it’s like to be a 25-year-old man in America. I spent hours pondering and writing, fully and completely answering their short questionnaire (10 or so questions) about a variety of things. They used only 2 sentences from the question ‘Do you feel like you’ve entered “manhood”?’. The quote? “Most of the truly masculine men I know are also the first to admit their own mistakes and shortcomings. I openly admit that I have a long way to go.”
9. I never had aspirations of being a Photographer. Even now, I find the idea that folks will compensate me for something I love to do to be a pretty cool thing, and I am appreciative that these individuals can bless me for blessing them. Part of me wants to stretch and learn and do more… Who knows where it would go — for the quality of work I do, I believe I could be a highly paid (aka 6 digits/yr) photographer, but part of me really likes the fact that I can leave my camera on the shelf for months on end and it doesn’t stress me out.
10. On the photography theme… Some day, while financially independent, I think it’d be pretty neat to be the right-hand man for a shooter like Joe McNally or Chase Jarvis. The learning curve would be intense, but I think with my ultra-helper personality, it’d be a great fit. If not a right-hand man, I think I’d be plenty satisfied traveling the world over to capture moments to share with others.
11. As a kid, I remember seeing one of those Mall hallway stands where you could look up your name and buy a key chain or some other trinket. My name meant “CUSHION”. I always thought that was pretty lame… a soft thing that you sit on. As I grew up, I realized that if you look at the “cushion” as a “support”, it’s actually a perfect fit. It’s hard to find someone more interested in helping, and not just as the Mr. Fix It (I do that too). I fancy myself as the kind of guy you’d want to have as a friend – loyal to the end, and constantly willing to lend a hand. This means that I’m always a sucker for someone to ask me if I’ll help them move. 🙂
12. I passionately want to view money in the same way that we all look at oxygen. I want to just know that I have enough, and that because of this I can live accordingly by making RIGHT decisions rather than financially prudent ones. I expect to be the friend and family member that others come to when things are tough and the nephew needs braces but the parents can’t afford it. I want to be secure enough financially that it is never a loan, it’s always a gift.
13. I am an intense advocate for living below your means and debt free. This goes so far that at this point (still subject to change), I have no intentions of EVER entering debt, this includes any sort of “healthy debt” or mortgage. I recognize that this means that I may miss “opportunities”, but I am passionate about living in a way as to be responsible to my posterity, and if I am in debt, it means that I have committed future work towards the payoff of that debt. I see this as trying to predict the future, which I cannot yet do. (I do not believe that any job is secure, as the position is always at the discretion of the market/business owner). I do not believe that my ability to perform (make money) is so guaranteed that I would never encounter any type of injury or disablement.
14. On the subject of finances… You can be the most well educated dude or dude-ette from the fanciest school available, and you might just have a doctorate with an IQ twice that of mine, but until you have the RESULTS I want — financially independent with amazing relationships with your family and friends — and a financial interest in my future, I am not going to heed your advice on the topic of money. It amazes me at how many people are willing to take the “good advice” from their cubicle neighbor who is in debt up to their eyeballs. If they have never been there, they’re not a good tour guide to visit the promise land. Find someone who’s gone and come back to help others! 🙂
15. Recently, I have taken to building websites out of frustration. For years I have wanted to have a site that cataloged the eateries in Juneau with some description of the cuisine (if not a menu), and perhaps some comment on the establishment. The fact that many restaurants do not have a website bothers me too. It is entirely possible that I will begin building websites for these establishments so that I can find their menu when I want it.
16. Further, I cannot STAND those sites that were built back in the early days of the Internet but never were updated. I don’t care if it’s ignorance or some other reason, but if your site is still in the dark ages, let me know; my name is Cody, and I’m here to help. I think these sites should immediately be pulled off of the web and replaced with something as simple as a place-holder. In one instance, I’ve entirely rebuilt the site (on my own time, and without his knowledge) in an effort to expose the site owner to something I call “the present”.
17. I’ve always been an entrepreneur as long as I can recall. I’m the guy that sold Beef Jerky from my locker in middle school, and was quite profitable (and popular). Before that, on a smaller scale, it was juicy fruit & pepsi. Since those times, I’ve expanded my product lines, and my profit dramatically. 🙂
18. Despite #17, I don’t fancy myself much of a salesman, or naturally talented with marketing. I think this may be due to my own calculating personality (you generally cannot sell me on something, but if you give me the info, I’ll make up my own mind and I will be a loyal shopper till the cows come home.) This is obviously an Achilles’s heel for me, and I’m working to get better at it.
19. I tend to pretend that my vices are not visible to others, and am terrified that they might just be public knowledge. I have this sneaking sensation that people know, but because it’s an awkward topic to address, they leave me with the space to work on it myself… Part of me appreciates this respectful consideration, but a slightly more masochistic part of me wants to just get things out in the open to deal with it at large. Hmm…
20. Religion has been somewhat of a struggle for me. I’ve always had a strong belief in a higher power, and I know I’m not Him. 😉 I find myself waffling at all of the intricacies of various churches and their tenets. My journey has led me to a point where I seek to accept and understand whatever perspective a person offers rather than casting it off as wrong and different. In that way, many Christian organizations confuse me. I appreciate the perspective that We are spiritual beings trying to be human, rather than human beings trying to be spiritual.
21. At a young age (10? 12?) I was handy enough to crawl under the house to repair pipes that had frozen and split. Unfortunately, the foundation had settled in such a way as to spill some pretty foul stuff. (Don’t make me spell it out, okay?) Partly because of this, and due to the state of repair of the rest of the house, it was decided that we would tear it down and build anew. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an efficient transition and never did happen while I was at home. Most of my teen years were spent with a “bedroom” that was an 20-something foot Airstream travel trailer.
22. My childhood was a great one. I cherish the fact that I had the chance to grow up running around in the woods and feeling safe in our neighborhood. Because of the “out-the-road” location, there weren’t a lot of kids my age, and so I recall spending plenty of quality time with the surrounding neighbors. Rather than playing with other kids, I was learning from the Montour’s how to garden, take care of chickens, tie flies, play chess, and even make a boomerang from scratch. I felt left out that there weren’t other kids my age, but I wouldn’t trade the experiences for the world.
23. I tend to be very trusting with my stuff. I’ll hand you $3000 worth of photography equipment just so you can see what it’s like. Then I’ll walk away to do something else. I leave my key in my car and up until recently, right in the ignition (and I still would if it weren’t for that annoying beep). I recognize that the world does have people who will take advantage of me, but I value the approach… so much so, that when I lose something, I just consider that as part of the cost of my trusting. I know I could be more reserved, but I pay for that too, just up front with the concerned behavior.
24. I love to draw people together. I think it is linked to my desire for harmony, but I like to be a catalyst to get groups going. In high school there were dance parties for friends & friends of friends (thanks for the house, Mike!), and now, the Juneau Ultimate scene is something I’m fairly involved in… I find that I don’t really do it for any overt recognition, I just get a kick from seeing other people have a good time together.
25. As my mother can attest, I am an advocate for anti-packrat-ing’ness (if that’s any sort of word) – I am constantly cleaning and purging and asking “is this really something you need?”. That said, and somewhat related to my recycling knack, I am a pretty significant collector of things too. I’ll blame it on Mom, but it may very well be linked to my interest in some type of security (if something breaks, I’ve got a backup.) I love the idea of being a minimalist, but I think until I move residences again with some short time-box, I’ll likely continue collecting stuff with the thought that I might just have a garage (or “free, take-it-away”) sale sometime during the next summer. If you need something, let me know, I might just have an extra.
Well, I guess it’s actually today… I’m an “Assistant” shooter for a wedding tomorrow; it should prove interesting. She is very sanguin, so our personalities really are a wild dynamic. I want to get the best product possible, and she’s there to have fun. I know she’s been doing this for several years and has experience with marketing herself, but I find myself thinking… woah.
Anyhow, I’d better get some sleep for the big day tomorrow. The temps are warming (up to 10-15) and just tonight it has snowed at least 10 inches. pretty awesome, I think. I’m REALLY hoping for a snow-day tomorrow!
g’nite.
Yup, today was the first day back of 2009. It was a busy day, and my voice is mostly gone. It makes for an interesting dynamic at the office as I cannot really answer the phone much.
I left early today in hopes of sleeping and resting and relaxing, but really, I had a short nap, and then I was back at the computer, and other miscellaneous items for the evening.
Heather and I are working to figure out which dreamnight to go to now that it’s a last-minute ticket purchasing sort of thing. Unfortunately, with less than two weeks before the last one, we’re dealing with just a few options. Through our winnowing tonight, it looks like I’ll be visiting either Las Vegas or Honolulu. Honolulu sounds more exotic, but with 8+ hours of just flight time to get there (and again on the way back), it seems like a weekend of flying punctuated by a brief dreamnight. I guess we’ll see how it all works out. I’d like to see the speakers in HI, but NV seems like the more prudent decision (faster trip, etc).
Charity & I have continued to email back and forth; we’ll see what kind of information she reveals. At the moment, I feel like I might know a little more about her because of my googling (married before?) But I don’t know if those are topics she’ll share.
Prints came in for the Goldbelt Holiday party… I want to get some doublesided tape to adhere my business card, but then they’ll be ready to deliver. Unfortunately, the 8×10 print was crushed, even though the envelope says “photos, please don’t bend”, but perhaps english directions are a bit too much for our United States Postal Service. I kinda feel like there’s no route for repair either… Sigh. I’ll send a note to SmugMug tomorrow to see what they might recommend.
OH, speaking of photography stuff, I bought the 70-200mm VR 2.8 lens today. I’m not sure when it’ll ship, or precisely what it’ll cost, as it was bought via ebay, but we’ll find out when I get a note from the dude, hopefully tomorrow. 1250 base price, plus shipping, so I think I got it at a relatively good price.
Alright, I’ll go check that one last email chime and then head to bed.
g’nite.
So, tonight I took a few hundred shots at the Statehood Ball located at the Centennial Hall. It was a great event with wonderful energy, despite most of the audience being of the older generations. It was cool to see that everyone could still move pretty nimbly and have a great time.
Interesting thought… One person had been married today and was in the audience – what a great way to arrange for your wedding day to be on a date that has some other celebration so you could piggy-back on the decorations, food, and live performances of the day/evening!
As I think back on my evening, one thing stands out… Charity. She’s a bombshell of a gal who works for Mark Kelley doing some of his business management. I was surprised to hear that she didn’t know how to dance, and so felt awkward, and more comfortable as a wallflower.
First of all I felt a bit of guilt for seeing her and thinking about how good she looked in the long, red, backless dress. Long brown hair, slender figure, and a great smile. That aside, I thought that it would be nice to learn how to dance with someone who doesn’t feel confident with dancing… I think the challenge that I run into is feeling self conscious of my own dancing with others, and in that, I’d feel less awkward if I knew the other person was more likely to be thinking about their own performance!
So, as a parting moment, I did tell Charity that she looked great on the dance floor, and gave her my card and suggested that she check out the site in the next couple of days. Who knows if she’ll be in touch, but wow…
I wish that weren’t the case though. I think about my relationship with Heather and want to be in a place of confidence and security. Do I want to continue to be single for the rest of my life? I could certainly make that choice. “Settling down” now doesn’t have to happen… I get the sense that if I wanted to marry Heather, she’d say yes. That scares me though, I want to feel like I will be a confident and reassuring husband, and if I’m cursed with seeing other women and being drawn towards them, that is no way to continue.
Tomorrow there is supposed to be fireworks in the valley, for the first time ever. Should be a good show – same people who set off the fireworks for the 4th and there are around $10,000 worth of em too! I hope to go over to the area and scope out the scene before it gets dark… perhaps even talk to the coordinators. Should be fun. I ought to get a bit of sleep though as I can feel my throat would appreciate it. 🙂