While I’ve titled this posting “refocusing” I’m not yet sure that I’m close to that result. Today felt better. I wasn’t as hazy as I felt I was last night, but maybe it’s because I slept in, laid with heather, and generally had a slow-paced & relaxed day with her. Other activities to note (for the grandchildren, someday): Superbowl 30(?) was today, Green Bay Packers won, though it was fairly unimpressive to me. Maybe it’s cause I didn’t start watching until late in the game, or perhaps it had something to do with not feeling connected with anyone in the audience. Perhaps that getting older thing certainly bears truth in the connections maintained as the student population rolls over.
We missed week two of the Love & War sessions at church today. I want to realize the premise of living more deeply and feeling guilt at one thing or another is not really facilitating that. I want to be present wherever I am, and I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting to stay at home with the most important thing in my life: my wife.
Another interesting thing that’s been kicking around in the back of my head as of late is what would happen if for some reason Heather was to die, or, if she were to live. But mostly, the thought is along the lines of if she were no more. I wonder about what the next step would be for me. In an effort to articulate the desire part of my life, or the dreams… here goes:
I want to be deeply in love with my wife. It’s not just about a feeling or a choice, but a deep soulful connection that cannot be severed by man, and which if ever broken by God leaves me with an immense brokenness that only time, and further commune with my creator could ever hope to salve. I want to love so fully that I am completely vulnerable… Something said recently (at the last Love & War session) was that the guy desired to be “Naked & not ashamed”. I find that phrase significant. I too want to be Naked & not afraid. I want to be so deeply connected that the inhibitions and fears are cast off to create a completely authentic, real, present, and altogether life altering love of each other.
So, maybe the question is: on a daily basis, how do I become more vulnerable and in need of her support and care?
Back to that “if she died” thing… Bill told me recently that John Wooden had outlived his wife by nearly 20 years, and in that time he made weekly visits to her grave in order to honor her, and demonstrate his love for her. Would or could or should I be that man too? If at 30 a wife is no more, the remaining lifespan is significant. If 60 and a partner passes, does that change the dynamics of the expected behavior of the remaining spouse? If I were to die, I think I would want Heather to feel confident in her capacity to go out and live her life, to meet another man, one who takes excellent care of her and who makes her dreams come true. However, if she were to die and leave me behind, part of me resounds with the idea of committing to a life in rememberance of her. Wouldn’t leaving her behind as a memory be somewhat akin to divorce?
Anyhow, things to ponder on indeed. I’ll keep grinding on those and get back to you at some point maybe…
Till next time,
-cb
It’s just after 3am on a crisp December morning. It’s my birthday; a celebration of 29 years of experiences, joys & challenges, victories and defeats.
For some reason, this morning, or last night rather, my mind was drawn to the writings that Bill had passed to us on our wedding day 6 months ago. I realize that my life has been forever altered, and I realize that I’m more excited about that prospect now than I was then. What a pleasure to realize something so significant.
So, this morning, after sneaking out of the room just before 3, I went in search of the Readings of William. I grabbed them, sat down, and proceeded to clear out my inbox (thanks be to Facebook for soliciting all manners of comments.)
In my first reading, it’s Leo Buscaglia talking about Buckminster Fuller. I don’t know either of the gentlemen, but I have heard a quote or two from Leo centering around love. This particular passage that Bill had marked was (as I interpret it) about finding ones true self so that they could therefore share this joyful and unique person with another. Buckminster notes that we are not our bodies at whatever poundage we might currently reside, we are our minds, and that is a miraculous reality.
Specifically, I’m captivated by this line from the introduction to Mr. Fuller by Leo:
I, for instance, want you in my life because without you, my life will never be complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give me, just as I must find the me of me. Why do I read? Why do I travel? Why do I listen? Why do I care? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you — that’s the only purpose for having it.
What a great summary of why we’re here. To give to others, to learn from others, but only insomuch as to have collected into ourselves so that we can give it away.
…
It’s my 29th year on this earth, and I’m still searching for meaning. I have found and decided on love, and while my carnal self continues to pull me away from love, I have been better and better at exhibiting it. It’s an interesting journey to be sure, and while I don’t understand much of it, I’m excited for the next 29 years.
In the year of 2009, I have achieved the following:
…
For some reason, I’ve run out of steam on this particular post. I’m sure over the next few weeks I’ll be doing more pondering and have the chance to articulate the things I’m learning more clearly, but for now, that’s today’s b-day installment!
Best of wishes in your unique and miraculous live ahead.
-cb
From the 4-hour work week book, page 46.
Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering. What doubt fears, and “what-ifs” pop up as you consider the big changes you can – or need – to make? Envision them in painstaking detail. Would it be the end of your life? What would be the permanent impact, if any, on a scale of 1-10? Are these things really permanent? How likely do you think it is that they would actually happen?
The worst that could happen is that I lose all of the important relationships in my life. First and foremost, it would be Heather and Bill. Financially, I’d be drained, if not in debt, and I would have no means to reproduce success. Emotionally? My self image and self esteem would be demolished. I would be without hope. How likely? Not very. Permanent? Not likely. Spiritually I would be separated and attacked.
What steps could you take to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing even if temporarily? Chances are, it’s easier than you imagine. How could you get things back under control?
More than likely it’s simply a matter of digging in deeply and focusing intensely on personal development and looking for ways to love others and serve them, without compensation.
What are the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent, of more probable scenarios? Now that you’ve defined the nightmare, what are the more probable or definite positive outcomes, whether internal (confidence, self-esteem, etc.) or external? What would the impact of these more-likley outcomes be on a scale of 1-10? How likely is it that you could produce at least a moderately good outcome? Have less intelligent people done this before and pulled it off?
It’s all conjecture, of course, but I really don’t foresee significant problems with the development of myself and my company. There really is nothing better suited to compose a well under girded company while being actively involved in other things. It seems that the challenge is mostly involved with balancing or prioritizing the business plan that can better achieve the results of relational and financial success.
If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control? Imagine this scenario and run through questions 1-3 above. If you quit your job to test other options, how could you later get back on the same career track if you absolutely had to?
If I was fired, I would be able to live for several months without having to make an income. It would require a constricted lifestyle, mostly with regards to extraneous expenses. Food would no longer be used for feeding but fueling, and being intensely focused on the improvement of our situation.
What are you putting off out of fear? Usually, what we most fear doing is what we most need to do. That phone call, that conversation, whatever the action might be – it is fear of the unknown outcomes that prevents us from doing what we need to do. Define the worst case, accept it, and do it. I’ll repeat something that you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. As I have heard said, a person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Resolve to do one thing every day that you fear. I got into this habit by attempting to contact celebrities and famous businesspeople for advice.
Everything great is being put off out of fear of growth and changing. I want to be comfortable with people, willing to share with them a new concept beyond their current framework, that exposes me to to the real but intangible risk of being critiqued for my non-standard efforts. People could call me soapy, they could ask me questions I don’t know the answer to, or they can give me a look of disdain or disapproval. I want to know that I am worthy, and in pursuit of a model that helps me to prove it, it stands to reason that folks might not see my energies as a worthy effort because of their own expectations that a job is the appropriate path.
What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue those things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, and ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope out 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
Financially: millions. In comparison with where I’ll end up, and how much more quickly I could be there through action in the present, there are literally millions on the line. I’ve been working at UAS for 10 years, made somewhere near a quarter of a million dollars, and yet had I built my company at first crack, I would have a residualized six digit income. By this time, it’s highly likely that I’ve kissed away more than just a single million. Sobering thought.
Emotionally: I’ve dealt with 10 years of self-doubt and critique. Inaction will only bring another 10 years more. My self worth and self love will continue to fade at my lack of “success” towards my goal of freedom, and it will effect my health both emotional and physical.
Phyiscally: as mentioned above, a lesser self image, and less available time to be in shape, I will only be fatter, more lethargic, prone to other health issues, and distress from the strain on my relationships. Naturally, the slight edge will have continued to stretch me in one direction or another. Furthermore, regarding physicality, I will be doomed to continue in the market of renting, never owning, or in a debt laden situation where my belongings are either low-quality, or not even owned by myself (aka, severe debt.)
What are you waiting for? If you cannot answer this without resorting to the previously rejected concept of good timing, the answer is simple: You’re afraid, just like the rest of the world. Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.
Yup, it’s pretty straightforward, and largely articulated above. I have fear, of people, of myself, of my light. I fear rejection, I fear unacceptance, and at times, looking myself in the mirror.
Action is really the only option; inaction simply provides more of the same, more of the pain, and more of mediocrity.
Bill stopped by this afternoon to let us know that Brad Wolgamott would be kicked out of the WorldWide & Amway based on violations of cardinal rules. In my 10+ years of being around this business, this is the first time that such a public figure in the world of Amway has fallen so far. It only leads me to think of how badly I want to build huge walls in my life to keep me from the danger of doing the same thing. My brain has a tendency to go there, to not think of my wife first when it comes to the captivations of my life. It’s all too often that I feel that my heart is in a distant place, and I don’t want that. I continue to try to grow myself, and our relationship, but part of me feels bad that my efforts are not … I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want this to happen for me. I want to be stronger, I want to be a man after gods own heart. I want to have a relationship like Dave & Jan Severn; or like Brad & Julie Duncan. It’s not that I want to be those people, but I want to grow myself in the system just like they have and achieved deepily caring relationships in their life. I want my wife to know that she is my first and only love, that she is far and away more important thna anything lese. That she captivates me. I want to know that my thoughts are only for her. I want to be at a place where if I think of sexual topics, she’s in the picturel that I don’t maintain any type of radio silence with her, no matter the topic. I want to know that she is loved deeply by me, and that I’m vulnerable in that love. For only through loving deeply can I hurt deeply, and while the pain of loss may be stong, the pain of never loving is a more pervasive thing. So, slight edge efforts for me: I want to love my wife deeply, for her to know that she is my best friend and that my energies are all directed towards her.
Anyhow, i’m going to nap now, but I just wanted to comment on this change of events and the astonishment of how someone who has been so resolute, cna also be so unauthentic. It’s a shame. Please lord, let me grow in your grace and good will for my life, and not the slight edge of death and sorrow.
Long time no talk. I’m sitting here in bed next to my wife of a month, and enjoying some quiet time to reflect. Lately I’ve been working with Brad on a 90-day-eagle unit training set, and the first thing in the audio set is to articulate the dream. Today Heather & I had a chance to sit down and write and talk about the dreams of our hearts, and, I think it will take some practice & patience to get them inked in a way that they are real and understood.
Bill offered a “training” tonight, mostly focusing on the importance of the dream, and how to think of it to grow it within yourself. In the session, he rattled off a list of questions, which, while I won’t articulate them all in this post, I’ll start with answering them in this post and hopefully more. Read on for the goods.
The inking of the dream was suggested to be focused in Things, People & Feelings. Bill started in the things section with some prompts. Here’s the first one:
* What are 3-4 things that are really important to you?
Things that are important to me? Well, my family. As new as it is, treating Heather right and growing our relationship is of the utmost importance to me. I want to learn how to love her more and more every day and to remember to cherish her and our time together. Things that are important to me? Giving kids a chance in the world by building them up and not tearing them down. I am involved with big brothers big sisters because they helped me have a chance to stand on the shoulders of others as they tried to get a view over the wall. Helping others break cycles, learn from others, improve their lives is all important to me. Things that are important to me? Freedom. I used to call it security, but really, it’s more of a freedom issue. I kept multiple cars so in the case that one broke down, I could just take the other. I had multiple computers, or girls (as a youngster) because I wanted the freedom that it offered. Even now, as I’ve grown older, I realize that there is freedom in choosing one woman to be committed to, and for that, I’m excited.What things are important to me? Noticing and capturing life’s beauty all around us, in even the most “mundane” circumstances. The fact that you and I are animated is a miracle. Us humans can do all manners of things in the world, but creating life (not already existing) is something we have yet to achieve. I was created by a loving God, and while not everyone believes in God and what he does in their life, I know he doesn’t need them to exist. 🙂 Nonetheless, I want to show others, through His love in me, that they too are loved, and to always maintain an eye that while the outside may be tarnished, the inside is perfectly created by Him.
Yeah, it’s hard to translate a strong lisp from the Princess Bride into a journal subject line.
Let’s fast forward 8 weeks from the last post: I’m married.
Wait, what?
Yeah, that’s right, I’m married.
The proposal went well, and the engagement was a breeze – literally – it went by fast and all we could feel was the burn of not sleeping and a bit of a wind on our faces. I’m married now which is great, but brings complexities to the tune of not being sure where I stand. I have a ring on my finger, and I feel well prepared to be a husband, but there are still nagging elements to marriage that I’m not sure how to handle.
Take for instance my wife’s desire to be rid of her job, and to have me rid of mine. I don’t like working much, well, mostly the alarm portion of the process, and I don’t like my wife answering to another collection of dictators who don’t take into considerations her specialties and capabilities.
I want to be a Double Eagle Ruby, but that pursuit scares me. I don’t have a track record that suggests I know how to do it, I feel hesitance to run out the door and get it done, but yet, there’s a fire underneath wanting to do everything in my power to provide my wife what it is that she wants and needs. There’s the crutch: am I capable, and am I worthy of success?
Maybe part of my issue is a comparison game to those who have gone before me. I don’t see the Bill Wildes & Brad Wolgamotts to be riddled with self doubt and fear of the unknown, because they’ve already overcome those things. I don’t see those guys afraid to be fearful, and yet having the courage to step out on faith and do it.
Faith is a funny thing. It brought me here, to marriage, with no earthly explanation for my pursuit of it. When it all comes down to it, it feels right to be married to heather. I am at peace with it. I guess I’m focusing too much on the details of going ruby, the plans needed, the clients needed, the downline needed, and not just focusing on how right it feels to move forward in that direction helping others achieve their hopes and dreams. It’s taken me a dozen years to get to this place, and I feel less worthy of acheiving big goals because I wasn’t some hot-shot two-percenter guy. I’m a nobody from Juneau, Alaska just hoping to do some thing right — something bigger than myself.
I want to have the means to bless others. My wife, my self, my family, my friends, my community, my world. I need funds to do it, and I’m not sure I understand the steps it requires for me to acheive it. I make things too complicated. When getting married, I was required to check in with trusted friends (“I’m not crazy, am I?”) and then get to moving on it (“will you marry me?”) to excecuting the party (“when? where? how?”). It was one step at a time, with little sleep, moving furiously towards a goal. I made lists, purchased things, put life on hold, and kept running towards the finish line.
With a double-eagle ruby business, I would have the finances to travel at my whim, treat my wife first class, be retired from our dayjobs if we so choose, drive safer cars, enjoy some of the latest technology, and put massive amounts of money into savings to boot.
I recognize that building an amway business is just a matter of turning the numbers. We develop households into shopping units who purchase consistently, and of those, some will self-identify as business builders with greater dreams and aspirations.
It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with the process of getting from here to there. In my engagement though, I just held tightly to the feeling of peace in my choice, and the understanding that it would all work itself out by His hand. I guess that’s the case in this instance too. I can sit back and be fearful, or I can press forward in faith. I choose faith, but I’m not sure how. I need a guide to help place my steps in the process. I’m capable of lifting my foot, but not confident in its placement. I need the path.
I’ve committed to another batch of core. We’ve got a group of winners digging in to do a week at a time to grow themselves, stretch and achieve.
It’s been good to be back on the bandwagon, but the fears are still there and real.
I want to figure out myself to grow past some of those things such as transitioning folks through the pipeline sheet. I may have the ability to grow someone from a name to a prospect, or perhaps even show them the plan in some cases, but often getting things to a deeper involvement of following up and HELPing other people seems to be a slow part. Fortunately, I am a new person through christ. I am a mirror to reflect his power, glory and love. As he wishes, he gets, provided I can learn to put Him first.
Lots of learning yet to be done.
Today, core has consisted of the following:
cds. Listened to the Brad & Julie Duncan Rally 3 times today, and the thing I caught most from it is my likeness to Brad in that I just want to be FREE. I want to sleep in, I want to explore, I want to roll over and kiss my wife, not roll out to work. I want to be solely committed to my wife. I want to be solely committed to my business. I want to breathe life into others through my efforts with my business. I want to be an encourager, an uplifter, a life giver.
books. Additionally, we (as a group) are reading from Created for Excellence. I’m reading out of the first chapter which is speaking specifically towards vision. In the margin, I took some notes that I thought worthy to comment on here. It’s in the area where the book is asking me to write my personal vision. Perhaps writing it here will help me to articulate it so that I can put the answer on the lines and send it back up to Bill rather than being held back through my lack of clarity.
To start with, my strengths to be aware of what I am naturally inclined towards: Belief, Harmony, Deliberative, Analytical, Developer.
* Empower & support dreams of others
* Encourage others
* Overcome adversity
* Bestow love, attention & passion to people I meet.
* Reveal (latent?) inherent greatness within kids and adults alike.
* Men maker
* Discover/uncover/reveal greatness within people
* Master of my own circumstances
* Duncan says, “Blow God’s mind with your response.”
* Hold no bitterness – have grace with all.
The lord is teaching me to move and act before I have all of the answers. As I understand my vision more clearly, I’ll be sure to post again.
Personal Use. vitamins, xs, water, Parmesan, cookies, snackbar, rhodiola, rice, and maybe some more. I ate a salad, fruits & veggies that came from full circle farms or safeway. A pretty good day towards pers. use.
Retail clients. Sharon indicated that the best and most consistent clients are those who find water, twist tubes and xs to be on their shopping list. Ove rthe next few days, I’ll think more on how I can develop clientelle in that category.
counsel. accountability. I had a conversation about an interaction that Bill had earlier in the day with Elly’s girlfriend. She had snuck behind his back to do some laundry after he explicitly explained that it was an expense that she is not paying for and then left. Part of me is completely in agreement that she was in the wrong, but part of me wonders if Bill might be reacting more strongly than necessary. I guess it’s in where you draw the line, but I certainly see both sides, and personally disagree with Molly’s approach.
Voicemail. I’ve kept up with kate today, though I haven’t yet send out a message of my own to bill.
btw, I did pickup too.
premier. listening to CDs, but also initiated the download of nearly 90 more mp3s for adding to my library.
stp. 4 new names, three additional touches. Would like to be more intentional about making touches with an eye towards developing them as business partners.
====
Another topic that I’m fiercely engaged in is the state of the relationship that I hold with Heather. ach day, I think I am closer and closer to asking for her hand in marriage, but I don’t feel comfortable with following through before I clearly articulate my weaknesses and talk openly about what I consider to be some of my darkest secrets. I don’t want to have secrets in the relationship, and in this situation, I want her to be on my side.
I’m trying to re-locate my Fit to be Tied book to re-cover the first portion of the bigger blocks to make sure I’m making a decision with my feet on the ground. rather than just my head in the clouds.
the confusion and obfuscation of what the future holds is becoming less gripping as I reach the conclusion that I will never be beyond uncertainty, but I can choose to make the big decision and then work daily to make those decisions reality.
God extends his power and grace to me, and through Christ, I can do all things.
25 Things by Cody
Feb, 2009
1. I am the chair of the Juneau Big Brothers Big Sisters Board, and I sit on the Statewide board. In these roles, I frequently and profoundly feel “out of my element”. It’s an irrational fear, but nonetheless real as I’m sitting in the room with well established and highly respected community members (read: Directors, Managers, CFO’s, VP’s, & Presidents from some of the largest organizations across the state).
2. Speaking of irrational fears, I don’t dance much because I’m concerned with my appearance through the learning process. I frankly don’t want to feel (well, look) foolish, even though I know that’s part of the learning process. I have the feeling (and others have told me, too) that when I decide to pursue such things, I’ll be quite good. I was building courage to take one of Shane Wirtz’s UAS classes, but then he left and some new person is teaching… Ack! Change!
3. In fourth grade, upon returning to school (after the summer my father died) Rebecca Hall (now Brooks) was the only person to offer her consolations for my loss. I will never forget that. If I think about it much, it’s something that brings tears to my eyes. (Thank you, Rebecca.)
4. Though this is pretty largely known by my friends, I think it says a lot about who I am, have become, and will continue to be. I haven’t consumed alcohol since I was 14. I had a single conversation where I was called out in my lie by a man who didn’t care about the action, but cared about me. It was in that moment that I realized that I was letting alcohol become more important than my relationships even at that age. From my father’s death (cirrhosis of the liver, aka Alcohol Poisoning), I knew the pain that could inflict. Since then, it has never been hard to pass up a drink. (Thank you for your love, Bill.)
5. Again, largely known: I’m compelled to recycle. (Read: I cannot “let it go”, it’s as ingrained as my analytical nature.) Further, I cannot comprehend why someone wouldn’t take the effort to do the same. Interestingly, I think it’s driven by an underlying (and inherent) sense that ALL things are interconnected, and that only through individual action can we impact the world at large.
6. My closest (known) opportunity to die was when I was a wee young lad at a BBBS overnight camping excursion to John Muir Cabin. I was sleeping on the second “floor”/loft and rolled off the edge, in my sleep, landing on my rear. My recollection is that this was nearly a 14′ fall. While I didn’t like the bruised and bloodied flesh wound, it was better than the alternative: one person who was awake saw it happened, and explained that a few inches away from where my head landed was a cast-iron wood-stove corner. I’d rather deal with pain than death, methinks.
7. Ever since the start of this 25-thing craze, I have been secretly wanting someone to tag me, and in the last week, I’ve been tagged three times. I really wanted an excuse to start the list, and even share it with others. I see this list as an opportunity to reflect and note “things” that are significant to me. Subsequently, I intend to archive it for posterity. Likewise, I keep a digital journal that I someday expect to turn to a printed & bound book so that my grandchildren can read about the struggles and victories that I have encountered.
8. My photo and a quote was published in Esquire magazine after someone contacted me via myspace to complete a survey about what it’s like to be a 25-year-old man in America. I spent hours pondering and writing, fully and completely answering their short questionnaire (10 or so questions) about a variety of things. They used only 2 sentences from the question ‘Do you feel like you’ve entered “manhood”?’. The quote? “Most of the truly masculine men I know are also the first to admit their own mistakes and shortcomings. I openly admit that I have a long way to go.”
9. I never had aspirations of being a Photographer. Even now, I find the idea that folks will compensate me for something I love to do to be a pretty cool thing, and I am appreciative that these individuals can bless me for blessing them. Part of me wants to stretch and learn and do more… Who knows where it would go — for the quality of work I do, I believe I could be a highly paid (aka 6 digits/yr) photographer, but part of me really likes the fact that I can leave my camera on the shelf for months on end and it doesn’t stress me out.
10. On the photography theme… Some day, while financially independent, I think it’d be pretty neat to be the right-hand man for a shooter like Joe McNally or Chase Jarvis. The learning curve would be intense, but I think with my ultra-helper personality, it’d be a great fit. If not a right-hand man, I think I’d be plenty satisfied traveling the world over to capture moments to share with others.
11. As a kid, I remember seeing one of those Mall hallway stands where you could look up your name and buy a key chain or some other trinket. My name meant “CUSHION”. I always thought that was pretty lame… a soft thing that you sit on. As I grew up, I realized that if you look at the “cushion” as a “support”, it’s actually a perfect fit. It’s hard to find someone more interested in helping, and not just as the Mr. Fix It (I do that too). I fancy myself as the kind of guy you’d want to have as a friend – loyal to the end, and constantly willing to lend a hand. This means that I’m always a sucker for someone to ask me if I’ll help them move. 🙂
12. I passionately want to view money in the same way that we all look at oxygen. I want to just know that I have enough, and that because of this I can live accordingly by making RIGHT decisions rather than financially prudent ones. I expect to be the friend and family member that others come to when things are tough and the nephew needs braces but the parents can’t afford it. I want to be secure enough financially that it is never a loan, it’s always a gift.
13. I am an intense advocate for living below your means and debt free. This goes so far that at this point (still subject to change), I have no intentions of EVER entering debt, this includes any sort of “healthy debt” or mortgage. I recognize that this means that I may miss “opportunities”, but I am passionate about living in a way as to be responsible to my posterity, and if I am in debt, it means that I have committed future work towards the payoff of that debt. I see this as trying to predict the future, which I cannot yet do. (I do not believe that any job is secure, as the position is always at the discretion of the market/business owner). I do not believe that my ability to perform (make money) is so guaranteed that I would never encounter any type of injury or disablement.
14. On the subject of finances… You can be the most well educated dude or dude-ette from the fanciest school available, and you might just have a doctorate with an IQ twice that of mine, but until you have the RESULTS I want — financially independent with amazing relationships with your family and friends — and a financial interest in my future, I am not going to heed your advice on the topic of money. It amazes me at how many people are willing to take the “good advice” from their cubicle neighbor who is in debt up to their eyeballs. If they have never been there, they’re not a good tour guide to visit the promise land. Find someone who’s gone and come back to help others! 🙂
15. Recently, I have taken to building websites out of frustration. For years I have wanted to have a site that cataloged the eateries in Juneau with some description of the cuisine (if not a menu), and perhaps some comment on the establishment. The fact that many restaurants do not have a website bothers me too. It is entirely possible that I will begin building websites for these establishments so that I can find their menu when I want it.
16. Further, I cannot STAND those sites that were built back in the early days of the Internet but never were updated. I don’t care if it’s ignorance or some other reason, but if your site is still in the dark ages, let me know; my name is Cody, and I’m here to help. I think these sites should immediately be pulled off of the web and replaced with something as simple as a place-holder. In one instance, I’ve entirely rebuilt the site (on my own time, and without his knowledge) in an effort to expose the site owner to something I call “the present”.
17. I’ve always been an entrepreneur as long as I can recall. I’m the guy that sold Beef Jerky from my locker in middle school, and was quite profitable (and popular). Before that, on a smaller scale, it was juicy fruit & pepsi. Since those times, I’ve expanded my product lines, and my profit dramatically. 🙂
18. Despite #17, I don’t fancy myself much of a salesman, or naturally talented with marketing. I think this may be due to my own calculating personality (you generally cannot sell me on something, but if you give me the info, I’ll make up my own mind and I will be a loyal shopper till the cows come home.) This is obviously an Achilles’s heel for me, and I’m working to get better at it.
19. I tend to pretend that my vices are not visible to others, and am terrified that they might just be public knowledge. I have this sneaking sensation that people know, but because it’s an awkward topic to address, they leave me with the space to work on it myself… Part of me appreciates this respectful consideration, but a slightly more masochistic part of me wants to just get things out in the open to deal with it at large. Hmm…
20. Religion has been somewhat of a struggle for me. I’ve always had a strong belief in a higher power, and I know I’m not Him. 😉 I find myself waffling at all of the intricacies of various churches and their tenets. My journey has led me to a point where I seek to accept and understand whatever perspective a person offers rather than casting it off as wrong and different. In that way, many Christian organizations confuse me. I appreciate the perspective that We are spiritual beings trying to be human, rather than human beings trying to be spiritual.
21. At a young age (10? 12?) I was handy enough to crawl under the house to repair pipes that had frozen and split. Unfortunately, the foundation had settled in such a way as to spill some pretty foul stuff. (Don’t make me spell it out, okay?) Partly because of this, and due to the state of repair of the rest of the house, it was decided that we would tear it down and build anew. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an efficient transition and never did happen while I was at home. Most of my teen years were spent with a “bedroom” that was an 20-something foot Airstream travel trailer.
22. My childhood was a great one. I cherish the fact that I had the chance to grow up running around in the woods and feeling safe in our neighborhood. Because of the “out-the-road” location, there weren’t a lot of kids my age, and so I recall spending plenty of quality time with the surrounding neighbors. Rather than playing with other kids, I was learning from the Montour’s how to garden, take care of chickens, tie flies, play chess, and even make a boomerang from scratch. I felt left out that there weren’t other kids my age, but I wouldn’t trade the experiences for the world.
23. I tend to be very trusting with my stuff. I’ll hand you $3000 worth of photography equipment just so you can see what it’s like. Then I’ll walk away to do something else. I leave my key in my car and up until recently, right in the ignition (and I still would if it weren’t for that annoying beep). I recognize that the world does have people who will take advantage of me, but I value the approach… so much so, that when I lose something, I just consider that as part of the cost of my trusting. I know I could be more reserved, but I pay for that too, just up front with the concerned behavior.
24. I love to draw people together. I think it is linked to my desire for harmony, but I like to be a catalyst to get groups going. In high school there were dance parties for friends & friends of friends (thanks for the house, Mike!), and now, the Juneau Ultimate scene is something I’m fairly involved in… I find that I don’t really do it for any overt recognition, I just get a kick from seeing other people have a good time together.
25. As my mother can attest, I am an advocate for anti-packrat-ing’ness (if that’s any sort of word) – I am constantly cleaning and purging and asking “is this really something you need?”. That said, and somewhat related to my recycling knack, I am a pretty significant collector of things too. I’ll blame it on Mom, but it may very well be linked to my interest in some type of security (if something breaks, I’ve got a backup.) I love the idea of being a minimalist, but I think until I move residences again with some short time-box, I’ll likely continue collecting stuff with the thought that I might just have a garage (or “free, take-it-away”) sale sometime during the next summer. If you need something, let me know, I might just have an extra.
So I realized tonight while Bill spoke at yet another guest-less board plan by Bill that for some time I’ve had the “Input > Thoughts > Words > Actions > Habits > Character > Destiny > Legacy” thing down for quite some time… I realized that changing my input would have a great impact on my future, but for many years of personal development, I still hadn’t been growing personally in a very meaningful way (at least with regards to building my business.
Tonight, Bill elaborated on a very unspoken, but important piece of the above sequence – it links back to Tom Miller, but hearing it tonight, it simply “clicked”.
That signficant piece was that between Input and Thoughts, there is a extremely crucial difference between how someone who is successful (in relationships, finances, spiritual, etc) versus someone who is broken. The significant element is that a person must interpret and decide what the input MEANS!
It’s so very basic – it doesn’t matter if I’ve been reading the best book ever, if I see my input and view it as something I must do because I am less worthy, I will think I’m lesser, act lesser and eventually fade away into nothingness – if not soon, then with time, as my life ends.
Successful people use the opportunity between input and thought/action as a chance to decide what they want to do, until which point that they can make that assessment through natural response. It’s all about creating the habit to carry you forward to success. One cup at a time does fill the pool eventually.
I feel like this peice is a breakthrough for me. I’m excited to see how I interpret things, and how my response ellicits the type of energy, action or thoughts, but this time with an awareness of how I’m naturally making those decisions.
I think that this, combined with an effort to be REAL, EXCITED, and SIMPLE will enable me to build my business to eagle, double eagle and platinum this year.
Bringing in the new year was good.
Sledding excitement was had, and the Wildes, Coopers, Miles, Curtis, Heather & myself had a generally cold, but good time. I guess that Heather said she had heard Bill say that it was -9 degrees outside. Brrr…
Gorgeous night though, with the stars and all, and surprisingly my camera worked pretty well. I think my favorite shot was of Paxton flying through the air on his sled.
Pre-sledding, I stopped by Tommy’s place to say hi. Pat, Gabe, Alan (palmer), of course tommy, and a guy named corey were there. Pretty low key. We played a bit of RockBand on the Wii, which was much hilarity because I really don’t have much skill with drumming despite my interest in tapping along sometimes.
Post-sledding, Heather & I took to watching a movie. In this case it was a particularly bad movie, followed by two other better ones. Started with Weather Man (with Nicholas Cage) and frankly, it really sucked. We watched the preview after the feature and realized we had been duped. It was a downer movie sold by a exciting trailer. Next we watched the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, and it was cool to see some of the special effects come to life. Also, as I understand it, CS Lewis who wrote the narnia series had placed an immense amount of christianity in the sub-text. I’m pretty sure it’s there, but it’s definitely SUBtext. Aslan is presumed to be God, but I’m not really sure of any other details.
Lastly we watched Pursuit of Happyness in an effort to stay up for the Sunrise (at 8:45). The last thing I recall was looking at the clock at around 6:30, and thinking that Heather had better wake me up in order to go see any sunrise together. 🙂
Today is a new day, a new year, and absolutely beautiful outside. Heather had departed the couch and is upstairs sleeping. Me, I ponder my 2009 and wonder what it has in store.
As I was booting my computer to write this, I was thinking that of all the blessings I could receive in 2009, the ability to live beyond my fears would be the one thing that would make the most impact. It would mean committing to Heather, Being willing to be active with my business, it means the most for the most significant parts of my life… My relational and financial future.
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And a moment from that comment I found myself downloading the Genesis book in an effort to read the bible in a year.
Bible in a year
At least one book per month
faithful to heather
willingness to open my mouth or make a call
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woah, i’m off surfing the web and I find myself nearly out of battery. I guess it’s time to sign off for now with intent to check in again sometime soon. Perhaps I’ll go do some reading, and after that, snuggle in with Heather. A great way to start a new year.