it’s been a long time since i’ve sat down (or in this case laid down) to type a few of my thoughts… i figure it’s about time. i find it’s normally my style to type with proper punctuation & capitalization, but this time around, i thought i’d mix it up a little. deal with it, eh?so… i’m 27 years old, still sleeping with helen, and going on 18 months of dating heather. in a word, it’s messed up.when will i learn; what will it take for me to understand the implications of my decisions and to move away from them in an effort to become the man that i would like to be.i have great desires to be a man of strength, integrity, honor, valor, and all of the traits that go into a braveheart character. what am i hiding from?would i marry heather? yes. do i know how to be a husband… no clue. i think it has something to do with being committed and faithful, but yet, here i am screwing that up on a semi regular basis. hmm…where do i go from here? i learn. i grow. i stop making stupid decisions that potentially can ruin my future. i want heather to believe in me. i want to believe in myself. if i continue pursuing wrong relationships though, it will only bring me pain and misery.