The Risk Key, from You Were Born for This by Bruce Wilkinsen

Finally just picked up another book after what feels like months of absenteeism from reading. In reality it’s only been a couple of weeks or so, but when you’re in the dark for so long, it’s hard to say when you last saw light.

Anyhow, it was, as I had just articulated to Bill in a quick CommuniKate message, a divine appointment for me to read this passage at this time.

I frequently find messages from God sitting at my fingertips when I reach out to pick up a long untouched book. 100 pages in, where I happened to set it down months back, I find an answer today.

The Risk Key talks about how in order to execute a miracle for God, it requires a reaching, active faith which can be perceived as Risk. Simply stated:

p.96 The Risk Key is a purposeful action you take, in spite of discomfort or fear, to exercise your faith during a miracle delivery. Faced with an unbridgeable gap between what you can do and what God clearly wants done, you take a risk to act anyway, depending on Him to come through. When God supernaturally bridges the gap, He enables you to deliver His miracle and demonstrates His glory.

Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People

c2p18:

“There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. / Remeber, there is no other way.”

This is an interesting concept to me. Not so much in it’s newness, but due to the fact that I wonder constantly about how this plays into altruism. I frequently see things with a interconnected thread that may not be readily visible to others. I think about the concern and compassion that comes with sharing, with being loyal, and with serving others. I tend to think I have a strong “altruistic” approach to life, but this passage nearly suggests that all of those altruistic efforts are actually, at their root level, a selfish action.

So, if the one way to get someone to do what I’d like is that you want to do it, well, what is it that you want!?

There were several examples offered in this short passage of the book. From Frued to Dewey and Lincoln (and more) it boils down to our basic need. The desire to be important.

The book outlines a few basic desires (c2p19):

“Some of the things most people want include:
1. Health and the preservation of life.
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual Gratification.
7. The well-being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.”

In the prior comments that I made about this chapter in the “quick” overview, I stopped briefly to ponder this list and what it means for us. I came to the realization that if EVERYONE is looking for these things, that who are we to forget that we’re all on the journey of life together, and largely looking for the same things. We don’t necessarily talk about the specifics of the process, but it’s always there, lying in wait under the surface.

What is fascinating is that while we all have these basic interests, we rarely dialog on them in our common day-to-day experiences. Why is that? Is it that we weren’t brought up with the self confidence to feel safe explaining that it’s something we want? In an interesting parallel, the WorldWide Diamonds are willing to talk about these topics from stage. What does this tell me? That the desire to be important, that the desire to have a particular set of results in my life is not unusual, but merely unspoken. And further: if I want to take my life to a next phase, talking about those things becomes incredibly important as I have need to focus both internally and externally on those items in order to necessarily gravitate towards them. It’s “the secret” of “the slight edge”.

c2p30:

“One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.”

What a true statement. I wonder if the outcome of many people’s life is due to this lack of appreciation? My brother, Kimmy, Joan. All folks who have amazing latent possibilities and talents, but who opt to fight their own nature of greatness, all in search of this sensation of “importance” that is fleeting, at best, when chased.

How can I remember to pay heed to this concept in my relationships, most importantly the relationships with myself and my wife.

Let’s all remember this adage (c2p31):

“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Principle 2:

“Give Honest and sincere appreciation.”

Chapter 1p5.

“few…regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why… Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical to justify their … acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been [imprisoned at all].”

It’s true, if we’re all carrying the human condition, we can all be quick to support and encourage through the process; and as much as when we’re attacked, we take a defensive posture to protect our ego, others will be doing the same.

Per the conversation last night: perhaps our interactions with the human condition can be best handled through offering grace to ourselves and others.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”

So, another question from this: how can I be careful not to react in a defensive, justifying way? How do I avoid having my pride and sense of importance hurt?

Perhaps the answer in their lies in knowing WHO’s I am, rather than what I am based on all of the external input I may or may not receive.

Lincoln had a fairly level response, c1p10:

“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

c1p14:

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures pristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

Aha, the question of how to accomplish all of this comes to mind, and here on p14, one take on the answer is outlined clearly:

“…it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. / ‘A great man shows his greatness … by the way he treats little men.’”

And, recall the story of Hoover and the jet that nearly crashed because of the fueling accident. He responds with “character and forgiving” (c1p15):

“To show you I’m sure that you’ll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow.”

What a phenomenal way to help a person grow through the experience of mistake and correction. Many times, we’ll find that the person in error is already in a self-condemning place. Why not encourage, support and love them into a place of functionality. Further, if a person does not find fault in their own action, why would our efforts of criticism help them change their mind. Perhaps it would only raise the anger and bitterness of them and certainly wouldn’t enable growth and good feelings.

c1p17:

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’ / ‘God himself … does not propose to judge man until the end of his days’ / Why should you and I?”

Here’s another answer to to the question of HOW to handle this challenge of being gracious to others in our daily exchange… Sympathy, tolerance and kindness. So, an a word, perhaps Grace is the overarching umbrella of love to cover our friends, family and fellow fleshbags. 😉

The culminating principle: “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”

Heather: I want to remember to love, and cherish and communicate love and not concern. To grow the relationship rather than being concerned with appearances. To reach towards the special people in our lives to grow together in a deeper love.

The title is an adjustment on the original title as found in How to Win Friends & Influence people. The story is a meaningful reminder of building relationships rather than allowing life getting in the way. Here’s that short story for recollection farther down the road:

=====
Father Forgets
by W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blonde curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorese swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “goodbye, Dadd!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive — and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding — this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was not measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and find and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itslef over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy — a little boy!”

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

=====

I just finished reading the first couple of chapters from How to Win Friends & Influence People and in the second chapter, it begins with highlighting the fact that we’re creatures who are excited to pursue our innermost greatest desires: the desire for importance. Carnegie further clarifies that there are some basic needs that we have. As the book reads:

Some of the things most people want include:

1. Health and the preservation of life
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter
6. Sexual gratification
7. The well-being of our children
8. A feeling of importance

For some reason I noticed that number six.

Why is it that, for most of these items, we leave the topics out of the normal dialog throughout our life. Why aren’t we willing to have that as a topic of conversation between “friends” and even with enemies. Is there something to hide from?

I think of the people around my office and these things aren’t spoken of. I spend time with “friends” and find that the line of conversation rarely gets into this topic. Interestingly, I do find that folks from the world wide stage; a stage in the public eye, no less, is where I find people most talking about the above things.

Why is it that the success of life is predicated on talking about those things which we greatly desire? The law of attraction, that’s why. Why is it that common people, in common conversation, are never engaged in a higher pursuit; engaged in pursuing the above list. Talking about it, working towards it, and living it?

I guess I’ll learn to talk about it and live the life that I have always dreamed of.

Chapters 1-2 quick read was exactly that. 31 pages in as many minutes. The initial summary that I would offer is:
* never criticize, condemn, or complain
and second,
* always uplift and encourage to inspire cooperation and enthusiasm from people.

On to other tasks!

After dreamnight I made an effort to take a look at my reading energy and to work to make it more intentional. Upon response to my solicitation for what books to be reading, Bill suggested some of the basics, intended to improve people skills now for speedy growth and volume.

80% reading about winning with people. (Take eyes off my self and put them on other people).

Basic books on personal development.

Take eyes off self – build myself up inside so that the internal scripts change; attack scripts

Being Happy

Stuff that increases your skillset to create volume now.

So, today I’ll be reading from How to Win Friends & Influence People.

275 total pages.

1 week = 40 pages/day
2 weeks = 20 pages/day
3 weeks = 13 pages/day
4 weeks = 10 pages/day

I want to WIN. I want to grow. I want to move on I have a vision for my life, a motivating factor: bringing my wife home from work, bringing myself home from work, being engaged in the process of success in my life!

I will read 40 pages/day for the next week and take notes on the materials. More than likely, this will take me an hour a day – where possible I will study before going to the office, or during a lunch time so as to not be withdrawn from my relationship with Heather nor to get in the way of business development.

Let’s get started with the introduction:

Intro: 9 suggestions to get the most out of the book:

1. A burning desire to increase your ability to deal with people.
To develop the urge, repeat over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
2. Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a brief eye view of it and then go back and reread it thoroughly.
3. Stop reading frequently to think about the materials.
4. Mark the book up with a highlighter or pen.
5. Review regularly, even after the book is completed.
6. Apply the rules outlined in the book at every opportunity.
7. Offer my spouse a dollar each time she identifies me violating a certain principle.
8. Review your week.
Ask yourself…
…what you did well
…what you did poorly
…how could I improve
…what lessons did I learn
9. Record triumphs in the back of the book, be specific, including names, dates, etc.

The book has 30 chapters. With the suggestion of reading and then re-reading, it may be valuable to adjust the time scale. If I aim to read the book in 15 days, that equates to two chapters per day. If I am aggressive about reading and re-reading, I’ll follow a sequence like:

Day 1: Quick read of ch 1-2
Day 2: Thorough read of 1-2, quick read of 3-4
Day 3: Thorough read of 3-4, quick read of 5-6
…repeated…

This seems like it lends itself best to the retention of the materials. Ingrained repetition, agreesive pace and personal victory lie ahead!

It’s just after 3am on a crisp December morning. It’s my birthday; a celebration of 29 years of experiences, joys & challenges, victories and defeats.

For some reason, this morning, or last night rather, my mind was drawn to the writings that Bill had passed to us on our wedding day 6 months ago. I realize that my life has been forever altered, and I realize that I’m more excited about that prospect now than I was then. What a pleasure to realize something so significant.

So, this morning, after sneaking out of the room just before 3, I went in search of the Readings of William. I grabbed them, sat down, and proceeded to clear out my inbox (thanks be to Facebook for soliciting all manners of comments.)

In my first reading, it’s Leo Buscaglia talking about Buckminster Fuller. I don’t know either of the gentlemen, but I have heard a quote or two from Leo centering around love. This particular passage that Bill had marked was (as I interpret it) about finding ones true self so that they could therefore share this joyful and unique person with another. Buckminster notes that we are not our bodies at whatever poundage we might currently reside, we are our minds, and that is a miraculous reality.

Specifically, I’m captivated by this line from the introduction to Mr. Fuller by Leo:

I, for instance, want you in my life because without you, my life will never be complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give me, just as I must find the me of me. Why do I read? Why do I travel? Why do I listen? Why do I care? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you — that’s the only purpose for having it.

What a great summary of why we’re here. To give to others, to learn from others, but only insomuch as to have collected into ourselves so that we can give it away.

…

It’s my 29th year on this earth, and I’m still searching for meaning. I have found and decided on love, and while my carnal self continues to pull me away from love, I have been better and better at exhibiting it. It’s an interesting journey to be sure, and while I don’t understand much of it, I’m excited for the next 29 years.

In the year of 2009, I have achieved the following:

• First and foremost, I’m married. I was able to exact a phenomenal celebration for my wife and pay for it with cash with little to no help from outside sources.
• We have learned that travelling can be a fun and recharging experience, and that while unencumbered by our daily grind, we tend to be more in love with one another.
• Our business has grown, if only in the dynamic of growing our clientele; Heather has been phenomenal in growing that side of our business, and while I have small victories from time to time, she’s the glue.
• Photography wise, I think I’ve been the most profitable this year to date. I was able to expand my gear collection with a (I’m using it now) Macbook Pro (3.06GHz Intel Core 2 Duo, 4GB 1067Mhz DDR3, 500GB 7200rpm HD, noted for posterity) and a new-to me (aka, used) 70-200 lens.

…

For some reason, I’ve run out of steam on this particular post. I’m sure over the next few weeks I’ll be doing more pondering and have the chance to articulate the things I’m learning more clearly, but for now, that’s today’s b-day installment!

Best of wishes in your unique and miraculous live ahead.

-cb

Asking the hard questions, from The 4-Hour Workweek:

At least three times per day at cheduled times, he had to ask himself the following question:

Am I being productive or just active?

An alternative to the above question reads as:

Am I inventing things to do to avoid the important?

It’s about eliminating all of the activities we use as crutches and begin to focus on demonstrating results instead of showing dedication (which is often just meaningless work in disguise). We’re going to be ruthless and cut the fat.

I know with certain that much of my day is at present loaded with fillers. Today I will do better towards being ruthless with my time and effective with my efforts.

I’m reading a new book that I picked up, and being mostly rattled by it. It suggests beyond all manner of common explanation that we should turn the job world on it’s head, become uber efficient and mobile, and work less and explore ourselves and our world more.

That’s not really new news, but he makes a pretty strong case for getting out of the comfort zone to expand ourselves to our future area of operation.To that end, there are a list of questions that I thought would be prudent to respond to towards the end of one of the first chapters.

—

1. Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering. What doubt, fears, and “what-ifs” pop up as you consider the big changes you can – or need – to make? Envision them in painstaking detail. Would it be the end of your life? What would be the permanent impact, if any, on a scale of 1-10? Are these things really permanent? How likely do you think it is that they would actually happen?
   • My worst nightmare. I think it has to do with being alone and unwanted. If I were to cast off or lose my job, I would be in a world of unknown with a few close relationships outside of the work place. It would cause stress within Heather and my lives, and we would not have the luxury of treating people the way we would like to treat them. We enjoy a few modest pleasures, which would be unavailable. I don’t like reaching outside of a protected comfort zone, and in such a dynamic time, it would be required. Our housing and vehicle situation would change, and I would feel less accomplished towards being moderately free with time and resources to do thing we want to do.

[Update (6 days later): There is more to do on this post, but for the sake of moving on, much like life and time seem to do, I’m going to post this and perhaps pick it up again later. We’ll see if I get around to it. ]