It’s the morning of the 6th, marking the two month anniversary of our wedding. For some reason, yesterday, I found myself in some old habits again… Allowing past vices to sneak back into my life and try to challenge my sense of self worth.
I think the kickoff point may be my own thoughts about my own value – two weeks ago, we attended WWDB Family Reunion, and coming out of it with a new fire, I haven’t maintained the heat consistently. There are people all around looking for more out of life, and I don’t feel that I’m extending myself to them and their future. This is all to say that I don’t feel strong. Granted, Bill, Sharon & Heather all see me as strong and capable; why is it that I don’t have the same angle of viewing?
In conjunction with the feeling unworthy, yesterday at lunch I felt unimportant to Heather. Wow, that’s a way to put it. .But I can’t really see it being much different – it was lunch time, she was late, her comments were surrounding her, my involvement was merely as a verbal dump site rather than much in the way of engagement. But it’s interesting that I summarize things in this way – aren’t I just being selfish?
Time for shower & work…