Bill stopped by this afternoon to let us know that Brad Wolgamott would be kicked out of the WorldWide & Amway based on violations of cardinal rules. In my 10+ years of being around this business, this is the first time that such a public figure in the world of Amway has fallen so far. It only leads me to think of how badly I want to build huge walls in my life to keep me from the danger of doing the same thing. My brain has a tendency to go there, to not think of my wife first when it comes to the captivations of my life. It’s all too often that I feel that my heart is in a distant place, and I don’t want that. I continue to try to grow myself, and our relationship, but part of me feels bad that my efforts are not … I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want this to happen for me. I want to be stronger, I want to be a man after gods own heart. I want to have a relationship like Dave & Jan Severn; or like Brad & Julie Duncan. It’s not that I want to be those people, but I want to grow myself in the system just like they have and achieved deepily caring relationships in their life. I want my wife to know that she is my first and only love, that she is far and away more important thna anything lese. That she captivates me. I want to know that my thoughts are only for her. I want to be at a place where if I think of sexual topics, she’s in the picturel that I don’t maintain any type of radio silence with her, no matter the topic. I want to know that she is loved deeply by me, and that I’m vulnerable in that love. For only through loving deeply can I hurt deeply, and while the pain of loss may be stong, the pain of never loving is a more pervasive thing. So, slight edge efforts for me: I want to love my wife deeply, for her to know that she is my best friend and that my energies are all directed towards her.
Anyhow, i’m going to nap now, but I just wanted to comment on this change of events and the astonishment of how someone who has been so resolute, cna also be so unauthentic. It’s a shame. Please lord, let me grow in your grace and good will for my life, and not the slight edge of death and sorrow.
Long time no talk. I’m sitting here in bed next to my wife of a month, and enjoying some quiet time to reflect. Lately I’ve been working with Brad on a 90-day-eagle unit training set, and the first thing in the audio set is to articulate the dream. Today Heather & I had a chance to sit down and write and talk about the dreams of our hearts, and, I think it will take some practice & patience to get them inked in a way that they are real and understood.
Bill offered a “training” tonight, mostly focusing on the importance of the dream, and how to think of it to grow it within yourself. In the session, he rattled off a list of questions, which, while I won’t articulate them all in this post, I’ll start with answering them in this post and hopefully more. Read on for the goods.
The inking of the dream was suggested to be focused in Things, People & Feelings. Bill started in the things section with some prompts. Here’s the first one:
* What are 3-4 things that are really important to you?
Things that are important to me? Well, my family. As new as it is, treating Heather right and growing our relationship is of the utmost importance to me. I want to learn how to love her more and more every day and to remember to cherish her and our time together. Things that are important to me? Giving kids a chance in the world by building them up and not tearing them down. I am involved with big brothers big sisters because they helped me have a chance to stand on the shoulders of others as they tried to get a view over the wall. Helping others break cycles, learn from others, improve their lives is all important to me. Things that are important to me? Freedom. I used to call it security, but really, it’s more of a freedom issue. I kept multiple cars so in the case that one broke down, I could just take the other. I had multiple computers, or girls (as a youngster) because I wanted the freedom that it offered. Even now, as I’ve grown older, I realize that there is freedom in choosing one woman to be committed to, and for that, I’m excited.What things are important to me? Noticing and capturing life’s beauty all around us, in even the most “mundane” circumstances. The fact that you and I are animated is a miracle. Us humans can do all manners of things in the world, but creating life (not already existing) is something we have yet to achieve. I was created by a loving God, and while not everyone believes in God and what he does in their life, I know he doesn’t need them to exist. 🙂 Nonetheless, I want to show others, through His love in me, that they too are loved, and to always maintain an eye that while the outside may be tarnished, the inside is perfectly created by Him.
Yeah, it’s hard to translate a strong lisp from the Princess Bride into a journal subject line.
Let’s fast forward 8 weeks from the last post: I’m married.
Wait, what?
Yeah, that’s right, I’m married.
The proposal went well, and the engagement was a breeze – literally – it went by fast and all we could feel was the burn of not sleeping and a bit of a wind on our faces. I’m married now which is great, but brings complexities to the tune of not being sure where I stand. I have a ring on my finger, and I feel well prepared to be a husband, but there are still nagging elements to marriage that I’m not sure how to handle.
Take for instance my wife’s desire to be rid of her job, and to have me rid of mine. I don’t like working much, well, mostly the alarm portion of the process, and I don’t like my wife answering to another collection of dictators who don’t take into considerations her specialties and capabilities.
I want to be a Double Eagle Ruby, but that pursuit scares me. I don’t have a track record that suggests I know how to do it, I feel hesitance to run out the door and get it done, but yet, there’s a fire underneath wanting to do everything in my power to provide my wife what it is that she wants and needs. There’s the crutch: am I capable, and am I worthy of success?
Maybe part of my issue is a comparison game to those who have gone before me. I don’t see the Bill Wildes & Brad Wolgamotts to be riddled with self doubt and fear of the unknown, because they’ve already overcome those things. I don’t see those guys afraid to be fearful, and yet having the courage to step out on faith and do it.
Faith is a funny thing. It brought me here, to marriage, with no earthly explanation for my pursuit of it. When it all comes down to it, it feels right to be married to heather. I am at peace with it. I guess I’m focusing too much on the details of going ruby, the plans needed, the clients needed, the downline needed, and not just focusing on how right it feels to move forward in that direction helping others achieve their hopes and dreams. It’s taken me a dozen years to get to this place, and I feel less worthy of acheiving big goals because I wasn’t some hot-shot two-percenter guy. I’m a nobody from Juneau, Alaska just hoping to do some thing right — something bigger than myself.
I want to have the means to bless others. My wife, my self, my family, my friends, my community, my world. I need funds to do it, and I’m not sure I understand the steps it requires for me to acheive it. I make things too complicated. When getting married, I was required to check in with trusted friends (“I’m not crazy, am I?”) and then get to moving on it (“will you marry me?”) to excecuting the party (“when? where? how?”). It was one step at a time, with little sleep, moving furiously towards a goal. I made lists, purchased things, put life on hold, and kept running towards the finish line.
With a double-eagle ruby business, I would have the finances to travel at my whim, treat my wife first class, be retired from our dayjobs if we so choose, drive safer cars, enjoy some of the latest technology, and put massive amounts of money into savings to boot.
I recognize that building an amway business is just a matter of turning the numbers. We develop households into shopping units who purchase consistently, and of those, some will self-identify as business builders with greater dreams and aspirations.
It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with the process of getting from here to there. In my engagement though, I just held tightly to the feeling of peace in my choice, and the understanding that it would all work itself out by His hand. I guess that’s the case in this instance too. I can sit back and be fearful, or I can press forward in faith. I choose faith, but I’m not sure how. I need a guide to help place my steps in the process. I’m capable of lifting my foot, but not confident in its placement. I need the path.
Starting out on another journey. I have excitement for what lies ahead. Though at the same time, I have a healthy respect for the time & energy it may take… Stephen Covey speaks on starting with the end in mind, so perhaps that is the thing to do here, too. Where do I want to be when this journey has reached its destination?
I think of men like Dave Severn, Brad Wolgamott, and Brad Duncan as examples of men who have developed their spiritual walk in a healthy way… I think the core of the issue links up with the type of man I am daily and without observation. I want who I am in the light to match who I am behind closed doors. I want to experience blessing for…
[just trails off… and at the bottom of the page…]
Q: What does it look like to be a man after God’s own heart?
Another post by blogger, Bradley Wolgamott:
people usually say that it takes money to make money. well, i do agree that money will help in starting a company, but there are things that are way more important than money when it comes to making your company and life a success.
you must have the following 8 things in order to move on. Read the rest of this entry »
Another blog entry from bradley wolgamott:
there is no such thing as an ordinary moment and there is never a time where nothing is going on. always remember to focus on the moment. what time is it? now! where are you? here! we can so easily be consumed by the glory or pain of our past. it can run and ruin our lives. we can also be paralyazed by the uncertainty of the future. have a dream of the future but remind yourselves to stay in the moment. there are no ordinary days or moments. there is always something beautiful happening. stop and pause and look for it. there is beauty everywhere! goodness is like the sun, always present, adding value, makeing things grow, warming our lives, creating oxygen yet all the time just waiting for us to pause and watch it melt into the ocean. to stop and pause and say thanks, to appreciate all the good it did that day. goodness is like this. it is always there but we rarely stop to appreciate it like a beautifull sunset. yet it will show up the next day on time and on cue to add value to everyones life. be graefull and appreciate the beauty of each day, the goodness in mankind. there are no ordinary days, stop and pay attention every day to the beauty of our world. the next time you feel pressure or grief or get caught up in a situation, stop and take it all i and be greatfull for the joy that life brings every day.
grief is our over stimulated imagination of what may happen or has happened. there is no value in this. look around and take it all it in at the highest level. in doing so you will soon forget the emotions you are dealing with and you will be free to truly live.
Today I had the privilege to sit in on a leaders webcast done from Brad’s House. He talked about a number of things, but a couple stick out. (see more notes in my OneNote notes).
First, Brad mentioned the importance in journaling. Not writing in a diary, but documenting learning experiences and impactful information. It brought to mind that I would be wise to reinvest in learning – CORE can become a legalistic occurrence and thus the value in decreased dramatically.
Second, he talked about conflict resolution, which wasn’t so much focused on skills/tactics, but the meanings behind conflict and the overall desire to “win the man” rather than the war.
Also, most of my day was spent intermittently constructing tracking sheets. It was nice to recommit & reconstruct the information – I look forward to it being faster from consistently doing them.
Lastly, I really simply need to be real with people & dissolve my no-talk rules. I hurt others by keeping my mouth closed.
That’s all for now.
-cb
I don’t really know when this was articulated; I found it in a steno notebook and had cut it out, for documenting, but there was no nearby date mentioned. Just pages after this, there is a note indicating “2005”, but that’s pretty vague and doesn’t give context for this posting. At any rate, here it is:
Dreams
What could be? Without resource limitations; without mental barriers. With a team of World Wide Special Forces, what will we accomplish?