It’s been a freakin’ long time since I’ve taken a moment to post, so I’m here again to check in, although I might not be particularly thorough in my writings. Alas, it’s the way a jumble mind works.
Heather is sleeping, it’s our date night, and while I’m having a lovely time by myself perusing facebook and playing poker on my iphone, I’m sure I could be altogether more productive. But again, here I am.
I guess some reflection was (past) due.
In less than a week, Heather and I will depart on a fun-filled and fairly frantic frolick (sp?) far from home. Ha.
Here’s what’s going to happen:
Friday: Juneau to Portland.
Sunday: Portland to Seattle.
Monday: Seattle to Carson City.
Thursday: Carson City to Denver.
Sunday: Denver to Nebraska.
Monday: Nebraska to Denver, to Seattle.
Monday through Sunday: All around the greater Seattle Area for Eli’s wedding. (Port Townsend, Seattle, Leavenworth, maybe even down to Portland.)
Monday: Back to Juneau.
I’m excited, I’m scared. I’m daunted, I’m calm. It should be a great trip.
Heather’s Dad, Grandfather and Aunt will all be at the Portland FED, and Grandpa Beaudette will be recognized as one of the veterans. Very cool.
Okay, my brain was more enthusiastic than my fingers; I’m ready to tie it down for the moment. But maybe in my reflective state, I’ll be back soon! We’ll see…
How do you help people? Should you help them? How do you encourage people to grow themselves?
When other people ask those questions about me, how would I hope they respond? Should I tell them to continue pressing on? Should I tell them to give up hope? Push harder? Be gentler? What tactic works best to create the best instance of me?
When other people come into my life and find themselves sharing their load and burdens with me, what’s the best way I can handle the situation? I know that the best vehicle and tools that I have ever seen are to be found with worldwide and amway global. There is no close second. If I know that, why do I continue to hold back from reaching out to those I don’t know (or even those I do) to help encourage them to become better and more, and to abandon their present path, even though they cling to it from familiarity.
I just finished sitting with Sterling and Alex who relayed their concerns and challenges about a variety of topics, and the thing I kept thinking was simply that Bill had chatted with me yesterday very simply about the “Power of Association”.
I am destined for greatness. I am capable beyond all understanding. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Who am I to not be great? God has made me, and he done good.
And here I sit, late into the evening, and wondering still about my purpose; concerned at the divergence of purity and dilution. Do I keep on the straight and narrow, or do I venture off into the weeds and vines and get caught up with all that the Lord has left out of his picture. I know that He wants the best for me, and I want that too. It’s a trying experience to be so worldly, and to know that I’m destined for more. It leads people to guilt, not to lay down in His presence.
So again, I ask what shall I do with this hand I’m dealt. I live a moderately functional life, I know that I can have more, and I dearly want those I love and care about to want more for their lives too.
I want to be proud of the man that I am, and where I am going. If I sit quietly aside and watch my life head nowhere in particular, I’m left with the twang of pain and remorse and regret from the lack of action. Bedsores in life. I want to be a man who strives valiantly towards a greater good. To free the captives, to free my wife, to free others who want more out of life. Freedom Enterprises. Corny? Important.
And now we get close to 1am, and I’m still here typing. For some reason I’ve been thinking furiously and want to know that I’m a good man. My absence from work today was simply to hopefully recharge my spiritual batteries and to make an effort to fight the good fight. I spent 4 hours reviewing various worldwide talks from Maxwell, Tsika, and more and yet my heart still needs a burst of love and support from those I lean upon for love. I think I’ll just crawl into bed and cuddle with my wife and quietly wish for the strength to step out on faith and do the terrifying so that I can give her what she so desperately deserves.
So, for me, good night. For you, good day. And for all, good luck.
With love, sorrow, hope and more,
-Cody
Today at the Juneau Christian Center, Pastor Mike Rose talked about the Prophetic Process. It was a good talk that was undergirded by the developing “Hub” that the church is developing. They had a pretty significant back-story and were able to interlace snippets of prophetic speeches given from the church pulpit previously.
At any rate, the talk was summarized by the following outline: Proclamation –> Problem –> Push.
As much as I enjoyed the talk, and the vision for The Hub, I couldn’t help but realize that the most important thing that any one person in the room could do is to build a legitimate Amway business. If we were Diamonds, we could solve the “problem” of the financial needs by simply cutting a check. They have need of another 100k of funds, and so they have to go out for grants, take offerings, etc. Why not just have the resources to write a check and be done with it. It’s an amazing world that we live in, that through a bit of application towards a known working vehicle and you can achieve any of the dreams you might have had and now that’s done, it’s on to another exploration of newer venues.
Bill stopped by this afternoon to let us know that Brad Wolgamott would be kicked out of the WorldWide & Amway based on violations of cardinal rules. In my 10+ years of being around this business, this is the first time that such a public figure in the world of Amway has fallen so far. It only leads me to think of how badly I want to build huge walls in my life to keep me from the danger of doing the same thing. My brain has a tendency to go there, to not think of my wife first when it comes to the captivations of my life. It’s all too often that I feel that my heart is in a distant place, and I don’t want that. I continue to try to grow myself, and our relationship, but part of me feels bad that my efforts are not … I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want this to happen for me. I want to be stronger, I want to be a man after gods own heart. I want to have a relationship like Dave & Jan Severn; or like Brad & Julie Duncan. It’s not that I want to be those people, but I want to grow myself in the system just like they have and achieved deepily caring relationships in their life. I want my wife to know that she is my first and only love, that she is far and away more important thna anything lese. That she captivates me. I want to know that my thoughts are only for her. I want to be at a place where if I think of sexual topics, she’s in the picturel that I don’t maintain any type of radio silence with her, no matter the topic. I want to know that she is loved deeply by me, and that I’m vulnerable in that love. For only through loving deeply can I hurt deeply, and while the pain of loss may be stong, the pain of never loving is a more pervasive thing. So, slight edge efforts for me: I want to love my wife deeply, for her to know that she is my best friend and that my energies are all directed towards her.
Anyhow, i’m going to nap now, but I just wanted to comment on this change of events and the astonishment of how someone who has been so resolute, cna also be so unauthentic. It’s a shame. Please lord, let me grow in your grace and good will for my life, and not the slight edge of death and sorrow.
Yeah, it’s hard to translate a strong lisp from the Princess Bride into a journal subject line.
Let’s fast forward 8 weeks from the last post: I’m married.
Wait, what?
Yeah, that’s right, I’m married.
The proposal went well, and the engagement was a breeze – literally – it went by fast and all we could feel was the burn of not sleeping and a bit of a wind on our faces. I’m married now which is great, but brings complexities to the tune of not being sure where I stand. I have a ring on my finger, and I feel well prepared to be a husband, but there are still nagging elements to marriage that I’m not sure how to handle.
Take for instance my wife’s desire to be rid of her job, and to have me rid of mine. I don’t like working much, well, mostly the alarm portion of the process, and I don’t like my wife answering to another collection of dictators who don’t take into considerations her specialties and capabilities.
I want to be a Double Eagle Ruby, but that pursuit scares me. I don’t have a track record that suggests I know how to do it, I feel hesitance to run out the door and get it done, but yet, there’s a fire underneath wanting to do everything in my power to provide my wife what it is that she wants and needs. There’s the crutch: am I capable, and am I worthy of success?
Maybe part of my issue is a comparison game to those who have gone before me. I don’t see the Bill Wildes & Brad Wolgamotts to be riddled with self doubt and fear of the unknown, because they’ve already overcome those things. I don’t see those guys afraid to be fearful, and yet having the courage to step out on faith and do it.
Faith is a funny thing. It brought me here, to marriage, with no earthly explanation for my pursuit of it. When it all comes down to it, it feels right to be married to heather. I am at peace with it. I guess I’m focusing too much on the details of going ruby, the plans needed, the clients needed, the downline needed, and not just focusing on how right it feels to move forward in that direction helping others achieve their hopes and dreams. It’s taken me a dozen years to get to this place, and I feel less worthy of acheiving big goals because I wasn’t some hot-shot two-percenter guy. I’m a nobody from Juneau, Alaska just hoping to do some thing right — something bigger than myself.
I want to have the means to bless others. My wife, my self, my family, my friends, my community, my world. I need funds to do it, and I’m not sure I understand the steps it requires for me to acheive it. I make things too complicated. When getting married, I was required to check in with trusted friends (“I’m not crazy, am I?”) and then get to moving on it (“will you marry me?”) to excecuting the party (“when? where? how?”). It was one step at a time, with little sleep, moving furiously towards a goal. I made lists, purchased things, put life on hold, and kept running towards the finish line.
With a double-eagle ruby business, I would have the finances to travel at my whim, treat my wife first class, be retired from our dayjobs if we so choose, drive safer cars, enjoy some of the latest technology, and put massive amounts of money into savings to boot.
I recognize that building an amway business is just a matter of turning the numbers. We develop households into shopping units who purchase consistently, and of those, some will self-identify as business builders with greater dreams and aspirations.
It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with the process of getting from here to there. In my engagement though, I just held tightly to the feeling of peace in my choice, and the understanding that it would all work itself out by His hand. I guess that’s the case in this instance too. I can sit back and be fearful, or I can press forward in faith. I choose faith, but I’m not sure how. I need a guide to help place my steps in the process. I’m capable of lifting my foot, but not confident in its placement. I need the path.
I’ve committed to another batch of core. We’ve got a group of winners digging in to do a week at a time to grow themselves, stretch and achieve.
It’s been good to be back on the bandwagon, but the fears are still there and real.
I want to figure out myself to grow past some of those things such as transitioning folks through the pipeline sheet. I may have the ability to grow someone from a name to a prospect, or perhaps even show them the plan in some cases, but often getting things to a deeper involvement of following up and HELPing other people seems to be a slow part. Fortunately, I am a new person through christ. I am a mirror to reflect his power, glory and love. As he wishes, he gets, provided I can learn to put Him first.
Lots of learning yet to be done.
Today, core has consisted of the following:
cds. Listened to the Brad & Julie Duncan Rally 3 times today, and the thing I caught most from it is my likeness to Brad in that I just want to be FREE. I want to sleep in, I want to explore, I want to roll over and kiss my wife, not roll out to work. I want to be solely committed to my wife. I want to be solely committed to my business. I want to breathe life into others through my efforts with my business. I want to be an encourager, an uplifter, a life giver.
books. Additionally, we (as a group) are reading from Created for Excellence. I’m reading out of the first chapter which is speaking specifically towards vision. In the margin, I took some notes that I thought worthy to comment on here. It’s in the area where the book is asking me to write my personal vision. Perhaps writing it here will help me to articulate it so that I can put the answer on the lines and send it back up to Bill rather than being held back through my lack of clarity.
To start with, my strengths to be aware of what I am naturally inclined towards: Belief, Harmony, Deliberative, Analytical, Developer.
* Empower & support dreams of others
* Encourage others
* Overcome adversity
* Bestow love, attention & passion to people I meet.
* Reveal (latent?) inherent greatness within kids and adults alike.
* Men maker
* Discover/uncover/reveal greatness within people
* Master of my own circumstances
* Duncan says, “Blow God’s mind with your response.”
* Hold no bitterness – have grace with all.
The lord is teaching me to move and act before I have all of the answers. As I understand my vision more clearly, I’ll be sure to post again.
Personal Use. vitamins, xs, water, Parmesan, cookies, snackbar, rhodiola, rice, and maybe some more. I ate a salad, fruits & veggies that came from full circle farms or safeway. A pretty good day towards pers. use.
Retail clients. Sharon indicated that the best and most consistent clients are those who find water, twist tubes and xs to be on their shopping list. Ove rthe next few days, I’ll think more on how I can develop clientelle in that category.
counsel. accountability. I had a conversation about an interaction that Bill had earlier in the day with Elly’s girlfriend. She had snuck behind his back to do some laundry after he explicitly explained that it was an expense that she is not paying for and then left. Part of me is completely in agreement that she was in the wrong, but part of me wonders if Bill might be reacting more strongly than necessary. I guess it’s in where you draw the line, but I certainly see both sides, and personally disagree with Molly’s approach.
Voicemail. I’ve kept up with kate today, though I haven’t yet send out a message of my own to bill.
btw, I did pickup too.
premier. listening to CDs, but also initiated the download of nearly 90 more mp3s for adding to my library.
stp. 4 new names, three additional touches. Would like to be more intentional about making touches with an eye towards developing them as business partners.
====
Another topic that I’m fiercely engaged in is the state of the relationship that I hold with Heather. ach day, I think I am closer and closer to asking for her hand in marriage, but I don’t feel comfortable with following through before I clearly articulate my weaknesses and talk openly about what I consider to be some of my darkest secrets. I don’t want to have secrets in the relationship, and in this situation, I want her to be on my side.
I’m trying to re-locate my Fit to be Tied book to re-cover the first portion of the bigger blocks to make sure I’m making a decision with my feet on the ground. rather than just my head in the clouds.
the confusion and obfuscation of what the future holds is becoming less gripping as I reach the conclusion that I will never be beyond uncertainty, but I can choose to make the big decision and then work daily to make those decisions reality.
God extends his power and grace to me, and through Christ, I can do all things.
So I realized tonight while Bill spoke at yet another guest-less board plan by Bill that for some time I’ve had the “Input > Thoughts > Words > Actions > Habits > Character > Destiny > Legacy” thing down for quite some time… I realized that changing my input would have a great impact on my future, but for many years of personal development, I still hadn’t been growing personally in a very meaningful way (at least with regards to building my business.
Tonight, Bill elaborated on a very unspoken, but important piece of the above sequence – it links back to Tom Miller, but hearing it tonight, it simply “clicked”.
That signficant piece was that between Input and Thoughts, there is a extremely crucial difference between how someone who is successful (in relationships, finances, spiritual, etc) versus someone who is broken. The significant element is that a person must interpret and decide what the input MEANS!
It’s so very basic – it doesn’t matter if I’ve been reading the best book ever, if I see my input and view it as something I must do because I am less worthy, I will think I’m lesser, act lesser and eventually fade away into nothingness – if not soon, then with time, as my life ends.
Successful people use the opportunity between input and thought/action as a chance to decide what they want to do, until which point that they can make that assessment through natural response. It’s all about creating the habit to carry you forward to success. One cup at a time does fill the pool eventually.
I feel like this peice is a breakthrough for me. I’m excited to see how I interpret things, and how my response ellicits the type of energy, action or thoughts, but this time with an awareness of how I’m naturally making those decisions.
I think that this, combined with an effort to be REAL, EXCITED, and SIMPLE will enable me to build my business to eagle, double eagle and platinum this year.
I stand upon a precipice. I live between two worlds: one of destruction & pain and loneliness, and the other of love and support and caring.
Three girls, two nights… Helen, saturday evening; Heather, Sunday morning; Carolina, sunday night.
What the hell am I looking for? What is it that I think these choices will do for me? Do I think there is something to gain by getting in bed with as many women as possible?
The obvious answer from any angle is that I ought not be doing this. There is nothing but misery and destruction to be gained from my choices. But after making the wrong choices so long, they just want to come so naturally. It’s no longer hard. The little voice in the background has quieted to a whisper.
Where do I go from here? I’m 28, upon the verge of 2009, and another year, I deal with the pain and regrets of my choices… Though obviously not painful or regrettably enough to force me to stopping…
I was reading today (while at the Chiropractor’s office) from The Slight Edge. On page 28, it pointed out that if I am not using the slight edge to my benefit, that same edge will tear me down to death… A sobering thought if I do say so myself.
So, I thought to update my journal “template” to include a portion of what kinds of slight edge actions I’ve made in my life on that particular day. It might flex as I get used to it, but this seems like a good way to see some clear articulation of what direction I’m headed, and immediate feedback to know when I’m on (or off) the right path.
THE SLIGHT EDGE:
PRO:
CON:
So, from the looks of things, today was a good day. I hope to make tomorrow even better by waking early and acting immediately to make the last December 30th, 2008, the best one ever.
g’nite
Well, it feels like it’s been a while since I last posted an entry, so I thought tonight would be a good opportunity to do so. It’s Sunday the 21st, and we’ve got a 2-day week at UAS before a break for the holidays.
Photos.
I hope to use the break to get some significant catch up done with my photos. I’ve got a few outlying projects that would be wonderful to get done with (sophie’s wedding, nick’s graduation, javier’s dancing, and bill’s holiday party). For some reason, I’m thinking there might be more too.
IE8b2.
I guess Internet Explorer has a new version available for download and in the other browser, I’m doing that now. I don’t really care for IE much, but I figured that it might be something to look back upon and realize, “oh, I was 28 years old when that product was out… my how things have changed.” Kinda like the way I recall Netscape Mozilla or whatever those first web browsers were called.
Listening.
Tonight Bill did a great webcast on the premise of listening; it’s so rare that we spend the time to actually listen to what is being said in conversation… it seems there are so many distractions that it’s easiest to just pick up “noise” rather than any real meaning or importance.
Car.
Weather has been quite cold lately, and in these cold snaps, my car just doesn’t like it… Right now, the driver’s side shocks/struts are frozen solid which means that every bump I roll over is not buffered at all… As John Pohl put it, it’s like “tobagganing over washboard on saran wrap.” A very potent picture, indeed.
Bonus Checks.
I’m not sure how this will work out, but bonus checks will hence-forth be handled through direct payment with Amway Global. It’s a good thing insomuch as we won’t have to do as much management of volume and the like, but I’m nervous because there is a stipulation indicating that you MUST have 50pv or more in retail client volume BEFORE you can receive a bonus. That will be a painful realization, but at the same time, a very good (and motivating) one.
Core.
I’ve been away from the bandwagon recently, though today felt good insomuch as I got back on the horse, as it were. I listened to a CD earlier today and also read from The Slight Edge. I realize there is more to be done, but I’m glad for the modest progress. Tomorrow will be a better day yet!
Done.
Okay, so my alarm is set for 6:30 tomorrow, so I figure I might as well get some sleep now while I can. I’m glad I wrote, and hope to be back more regularly to reflect upon my day, and heck, it’ll improve my typing skills too! 🙂
G’nite,
-cb
Another day done.
Today, my business acumen was a bit on the lessened side of things. Here are some of the highlights of the day:
And now, i’m pretty much en route to bed.
Heather and I have had some sort of unrestful air between us the past couple of days. I presume that we as a couple are okay, and that she’s simply frustrated with something but not sharing such; I think I could stand to grow in my ability to face OSM (oh stuff moments) and ask her about what’s up, but for now, i’m keeping my head down, and I’m not quite sure why. maybe more progress on that tomorrow.
speaking of tomorrow, maybe i’ll do some shopping, and hopefully have a better idea of numbers for thanksgiving dinner!
sweet dreams to me!