Many weeks ago (mid december?) I was asked to give my testimony to our community group. I still feel oddly disconnected, but I see it as some kind of duty to fulfill requests of sharing my story when people ask (like when I shared my experience with BBBS from stage). Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I shared from my heart, and stitched together a story illustrating how God had been pursuing me, and inevitably seeking to connect. My notes were pretty basic…
Testimony, Mid January
Timeline:
Significant Events/Moments
So given that basic framework, I shared. The essence of my story is that I don’t get this “christian” life (church, community groups, prayer groups, factions, denominations, etc), but I do understand His love and seek to more deeply grasp for myself how I can share His love with others. Ultimately to love god and love others.
Tonight Heather shared a segment of her testimony. We talked more after, and she shared what could be considered the prequel segment of her story. There’s so much more since her acceptance of
I guess I’m left wondering where the joy in that is… Where is the joy in recognizing the gift that Heather has, that we all have, and even the gift of the sermon today (Christ’s temptation and his standing strong). There is something that feels largely lacking… namely the joy in this relationship we have.
I suppose it’s good for me to think about these things and to grow in my ability to draw nearer to christ in my relationship, and as I grow there, the other observable scenarios will change as well. It’s well and good to say, “christ withstood temptation”, but knowing that we all are failing daily seems a bit weird to stand back and say that we all are bolstered by scripture, because in reality we’re not. I don’t think withstanding temptation is about scripture, it’s about the relationship, the passion in developing a deeper connection with our Maker. And that through that passionate connection. The passion for God helps us to use anything at our disposal to stand up to temptation.
For instance, why didn’t Christ just say, “because I don’t want to?” Instead he cited scripture. I guess I reflect on the moment, and see Jesus in his wisdom holding up the thing that stop Satan. “sorry, bud, it’s in the rulebook” would work to stop Satan, but ultimately I think it was Christ indicating that his relationship with God was too sacred to want to damage that connection. So when it is dissolved into it’s component parts, the presence of scripture is a symptom of or utility in, not the cause of the resistance to temptation.
Anyhow, I’m rambling, so I’ll sign off for now. Maybe more reflection another time…
-cb