Jounal entry
December 30, 2002
So what do I want to say. It’s 7:27 pm on a Monday night. I have been wrestling with what to do with my life. I guess I can just talk about my options and the pros and cons for each. Here’s the list of options that I’ve been considering (note that most of them are concerning girls… Go figure.)
1. Officially and unequivocally date Helen.
2. Officially and unequivocally date Shelley.
3. Officially and unequivocally date no one.
Alright here’s the breakdowns for each item (1-3):
1. Officially and unequivocally date Helen.
Pros
*Will be able to continue working with Helen to develop better communication.
*Pleases her wishes.
*She will be in town for a full year starting in the summer.
*My emotions with her would remain so.
*Potential Marriage options with changes.
Cons
*Challenge to stop with the physical side of the relationship.
*Seemingly nothing in common.
*Religious differences.
*Future differences
*She will be out of town for a few months, and again after a year for the course of two years.
*No pursuing other options (Shelley).
*Spiritual pain from not changing the physical relationship.
*Challenges with her family and friends.
2. Officially and unequivocally date Shelley.
Pros
*Able to build a relationship from the beginning with someone.
*Red headed children.
*Interested in being a mother.
*Interested in supporting husband in his pursuits.
*Understands the involvement of my business.
*Is not afraid to change and grow.
*Expects to be in Juneau for the next 4 years.
*Please people at church and work (that we got together.)
*Bill & Sharon recognized good things about her from brief meetings.
Cons
*Hard to not be physical with her.
*Hurts Helen.
*Embarrassing to not be the spiritual leader.
*She wants marriage soon.
*Personality seems not quite evolved fully (Hard to describe… its like we aren’t intellectually matched well.)
3. Officially and unequivocally date no one.
Pros
*Able to put focused effort into several interest and needs.
*No distractions.
*Free to date many girls.
*Challenges are solely with me.
*Spiritual development.
*Business development.
Cons
*Potentially lonely