I’m at work, but I thought that I would start this email at least. How have you been, I’ve been doing not so well. Go figure. So where to start with what’s on my mind. I think that I’ll start with I’m Sorry. For what though is another matter altogether.

I want to know, but I don’t have the slightest. There seems to be some sort of awkwardness between us. That might be my fault. I can’t tell though. Is it my behavior that breeds a lack in communication? I have this feeling that I’m am being ignored, but then again, I think I am a culprit so that would be hypicritical. Not somehting I am terribly fond of. Love is a weird thing. What did I do wrong? I try to love you, the best that I know how and visa-versa, but what happened? Is there a miscommunication somewhere? I would guess so, but I can’t see anything glaring. Now I know that at one point we were moving too fast, and i can understand that, but now were not moving. I feel ignored, not that you ARE ignoring me, but that’s how I feel. Scratch that love is weird thing, emotions are weird. What do I do to make things better? is it my position to do that? What happens if the relationship ends? Sadness, anger, dissapointment, sorrow, but what do we keep by staying together? Well at the moment, denial. You know it is interesting at how things bettered themselves when I was travelling frequently. I think it was that absense makes the heart grow fonder thing, you know, I’d be gone and then we would begin to miss eachother deeply and then things would be okay, nothing dealt with. I miss you now though and things are not getting any better. Weird. I know that this letter continues as a myriad of senseless babble, but I guess that on one hand I am getting better at typing without looking at the keys. I still feel like I am typing slowly though. Oh well. I am not sure whether or not I really want to go to Tommy’s party. I mean I do, but I’m afraid. Typical huh? I suppose though we each get a chance to see what the other is made of. Me, putty. Funny, but truer than something like Brick. I’m listening to I’m no Genus. Good group. Mike or whoever actually writes their songs really have a grasp on the emotions that I’m going through. I think it’s a teenager thing, maybe though it’s an immaturity thing. That wouldn’t surprise me. I could get stone cold though with my relationships, and build my business but I don’t I cling to what feels confortable, meaning that I am not growing. But then agin, yes I am, I am growing in that I am learning about relationships. You ever notice that when you are unconfortable, you seem to be learning? When Math is a pain in the ass, when parents are riding you, when you have that twist in your gut from doing a presentation in front of a large group. Sharing something deep and meaningful to someone that you respect. It’s like laying your head on the chopping block and handing the axe to your buddy and saying that your nose is better looking than his. In reality it might, but the natural reaction is to take that swing. Oops, the head is lopped off and rolls across the floor, except sometimes it’s ego, people seem to like taking swings at ego’s. Is that what I am struggling with? I am sure that I need to humble myself more than I currently am, but is my standpoint detrimental to my situation? Do I call, do I sit? doo dee doo. Amazing things come out of your mouth when you just let it go. I don’t know why I hesitated the other night when we were on the phone, I think it was because I didn’t want to hurt you, maybe it was because I care more for you than I do myself. Is that dysfunctional? Well, I left work, and then I came to Tommy’s. You’re here now, interesting environment, I must say. So how do I deal with it? I could treat you as you treat me… That is kind of childish… Mirror actions, that’s a sound relatability approach, but I don’t know about this environment. So I wonder if you care about the communication between us. Who takes the first step? Should it be me, humbling myself… Or you because I don’t understand, what the hell I should be doing anyways. You know I am afraid that the ingorance that we are portraying might lead to an unfortunate breakup. That would suck. Wow, I don’t think I have said such a succint comment through this letter so far. Is this a letter? I have no clue. I am pretty good at writing letters that aren’t actually letters. Or they are and I am just too afraid to give them to you. I am glad you are having a good time, I am sorry, that you haven’t acknowledged me thus far. Is that my bad? Maybe it’s my fault. Should I step to you and ask you how you have been? Should I have called you earlier just to talk? Yesterday morning I think it was, that was good… I liked the conversation. It was pleasant, but that seemed to dissipate, as soon as the conversation ended. Should I check on the sound equiptment? It might be distorting, but I have faith that they either will turn the base down or come to find me and ask me to end the distortion. I don’t think that I will be giving this to you so I think that I am going to point out the things that I need to work on and then come up with affirmations for those situations. I think too much. I am too emotionally involved in relationships. I am not as fit as I would like. I would like to develop more self discipline. I want to be loved by everyone that I come into contact with. I want my communication to be awesome with everyone, especially those I care about and might have potential conflict with because I do care. I don’t smile enough. I actively build my business. I am doing 300 pv in personal use and retail. It feels really cold in this room on my toes. I really would love for Mindy to come in here on her own inclination. That could be really cool. Make my evening I think. What is this that they are playing? I need to thank Tommy for being a friend. He seemed to just know what I needed at the right time. I hope I am not missing any doors for potential now that I am