Now for something insightful.
I think this will be a description of what I have going on in my head at the moment. It is currently 12:28 so I think that I will just type until 1:15 or so. We’ll see what it turns into. I plan this to be a dialog that I might use to create clarity in thought and perhaps a plan of action for my situation. (Assuming that I find elements that might use change.
I am a 20 Male that has several things going on in my life. I own a Business called Freedom Enterprises. I have two jobs which I work too many hours at even with just around 40 being the current number.
I have girl issues/challenges/concerns that seemingly haunt me. I can’t resolve them and find a point of balance. At least so far.
I will be right back I need to forward the phones to voicemail.
Okay, so I am back.
Now continuing. I have a quasi-relationship with Mika Kearns, who I care a whole lot about, but it doesn’t seem that the feelings are reciprocated in the least. I have the innate ability of calling when she is sleeping, on the phone, or gone. I find that the idea of carrying a pager so that people (like Mika) can get a hold of me is lost in a situation like this. I can leave messages like crazy, write emails, stop by, but yet seemingly nothing ilicits any sort of response. Even when she says that she will page me later (as in when I call her and she is on the other line) I find that it is easier just not to believe her.
So we made love to each other. Wow. I didn’t think that I would have had that pleasure. I am torn at the situation. I would think that it was done out of love and for a learning experience, but I am not sure what to be learning. Nor that it was done out of love. During the course of sex I made the mistake of asking her to be my girlfriend. She said yes. Now that is great and all, but it is rolling around towards two weeks after our last encounter and I haven’t had her contact me once. I however have tried several times. I have written email, called, stopped by, left messages every possible instance. I would think that perhaps she is too busy to get back to me, however I just don’t find that to be the situation. I could be wrong though, I won’t rule that out.
So now I am torn. I have shared so much, I care for her emmensely, I wish nothing but the best for her, and so my predicament is whether or not to continue to even try. Now she said yes to being my girlfriend, but I am lead to believe that is not really the situation. I would think that if that were the situation, I would see her more often, with more positive thoughts associated with her presence as opposed to the current condition.
So then to add to the mess, I have Mindy, who I really care about also, and I would think that she feels the same as well towards me in terms of the caring for each other. So the weird thing to that is Tommy is involved with her. I don’t want to tread on Tommy’s space. I don’t think that would be a very mature thing to do. Tommy always did have a way with women. I find that to be true through and through. I would bank that Mika even has the hots for him. I wonder what I can do to change me. There must be something wrong with me for certainly it
wouldn’t be them.
To make things more interesting, Clarissa likes me also. I must admit that she is very nice and interesting. She has a good heart. I think that in the situation though I am more developed mentally than her and so in terms of a relationship I don’t think that it would be very good
for me.