It twas indeed.

Today seemed to go by pretty quick again. Thank the good lord that he energized me to awake prior to my alarm so I could get some quality time into listening to a CD and mentally prepping for the day. I’m looking forward to the same tomorrow.

Work was pretty run-of-the-mill. Heather was out sick, Ward and I held down the fort. He’s got a new iPhone and so is quite jazzed about that.

After work, I had pickup. I guess Jason & family are dealing with some tough times (Josh ingested a bunch of medicine taking him to the hospital, and while there Jason had his wallet/checkbook stolen). We’re in interesting times that we come to these things in daylight, and public service locations like a hospital.

Did a bit more planning for Tday… It looks like the numbers are firming up, and we might have 20 or so coming over for food. It’ll be packed. It’ll be crazy. It’ll be fun. I have a hint of trepidity about the number of people and the amount of room that I have, but we’ll see how it works out. Maybe not everyone will show up at once? ha, yeah right.

Also had a chance to sit down briefly with Bill and chat about client slideshows and how to work on developing clients. I’m really growing in the process of opening my mouth and allowing stuff to come out. I look forward to being a bit stronger with it, but I’m also pleased with where I’m at and headed.

Chatted with Bill Abbott again today about the christmas dinner event. Need to do some price spec’ing over the weekend for him. Not sure how I’ll do it… maybe Dave Gelotte can be of assistance to me… The want to minimize corporate’s expense, but still have the option there for folks who are interested. Should prove to be a fun experience.

alright, i’m gonna lay down to sleep (after checking the alarm and saying a prayer).

thanks for listening, as always.
-cb

Another day done.

Today, my business acumen was a bit on the lessened side of things. Here are some of the highlights of the day:

• awoke early, without an alarm (i like that)
• listened to a cd before work (also good)
• transcribed a bit of a CD (good again)
• went to work (eh… so, so.)
• submitted an order at lunch and called Quixtar/Amway Global to rectify a shipping mistake (no bigs)
• got a call about photographing a corporate dinner (interesting, still have detials to work out)
• thanksgiving day planning (good for me!)
• thanksgiving day invites (mostly for heather, though I appreciate a full house for thanksgiving too)
• chrismartensen.com review  (new dvd released today)

And now, i’m pretty much en route to bed.

Heather and I have had some sort of unrestful air between us the past couple of days. I presume that we as a couple are okay, and that she’s simply frustrated with something but not sharing such; I think I could stand to grow in my ability to face OSM (oh stuff moments) and ask her about what’s up, but for now, i’m keeping my head down, and I’m not quite sure why. maybe more progress on that tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, maybe i’ll do some shopping, and hopefully have a better idea of numbers for thanksgiving dinner!

sweet dreams to me!

Not sure what to journal about tonight, so I figure I’ll just start and see where it goes.

Saturday was a good day of getting up early, getting some productive time in and finishing off with some down time with Heather.

I took roughly 1700 shots of the Soul Street Dance group that was in town with Juneau Arts & Humanities Council, so we’ll see where those go. I think my more proud moment of the evening was offering some Rhodiola to the crew prior to their going on stage. Naturally their reviews of the evening were great in spite of various technical problems.

I’m most hopeful that I’ll be getting an email soon of client registration & ordering!

The change of Quixtar/Amway Global has me a bit nervous, but the anxiety is bound to be a positive thing – they’ll be changing over to auto-deposit bonus payment, which means that in order to have a bonus, we have to have at least 50 pv of client volume in the month. Not a big deal on one hand, but it makes client successes that much more valuable.

Today was a laid back sorta day – lots of relaxing, and generally not feeling altogether prodcutive – I watched several episodes of Heroes with Heather, and then attended the webcasts with Bill. Oh how I long to be a double eagle!  I seek to be strong, to commit to great things and to achieve them!

It’s thanksgiving week – Turkey Day is on Thursday; Heather and I will spend the time together cooking, and it sounds like Jason will chip in to assist even. Should be a good time.

One nice thing about the week is that it’s only a three day week at work.

I want to develop clients. I want to grow my business. I want to learn to earn support and business from others because of the value of what I offer!

Alright, that’s enough for now. I’m gonna head to sleep so that I can get up and get moving tomorrow morning. I expect that I’ll be waking up before my alarm goes off, and at that, I’ll be getting up and moving even without the added encouragement from the alarm!

g’nite.

Today I had the privilege to sit in on a leaders webcast done from Brad’s House. He talked about a number of things, but a couple stick out. (see more notes in my OneNote notes).

First, Brad mentioned the importance in journaling. Not writing in a diary, but documenting learning experiences and impactful information. It brought to mind that I would be wise to reinvest in learning – CORE can become a legalistic occurrence and thus the value in decreased dramatically.

Second, he talked about conflict resolution, which wasn’t so much focused on skills/tactics, but the meanings behind conflict and the overall desire to “win the man” rather than the war.

Also, most of my day was spent intermittently constructing tracking sheets. It was nice to recommit & reconstruct the information – I look forward to it being faster from consistently doing them.

Lastly, I really simply need to be real with people & dissolve my no-talk rules. I hurt others by keeping my mouth closed.

That’s all for now.
-cb

So I’m back on campus and now there are 55 or so Breadloaf persons running about. It was an exciting morning from the iTeach forum to a brownout that took down most services and the BRC, and then of course all the people needing to connect for printing or email or account stuff.

I’m taking a lunch which I wasn’t sure that I would do. But now that I am, perhaps I’ll only take 30 minutes to eat and then head back to the fires.

Read the rest of this entry »

2005 in review

Financial:

• Consistent Charity/Donations
• $18000 in savings
• Credit strength of $15000 (AKAir x2, TNFCU)
• 100,000 AKAir miles

Mental:

• Multiple (4-5) opportunities to talk in public
• Lessons in relationships: Kjerstin Kantola (emotionally too far, too fast), Heather Brubaker (I can win the beauty), Bridget Heersink (truth and openness above all, spontaneity), Helen Imamura (setting expectations, leading by example, encouragement, I have to lead myself), Stephanie Ashley (managing my own expectations)
• CORE study (currently distracted)
• Leadership Communications Class

Emotional:

• Restarted study in Tom Miller Seminar

Professional:

• Make Students Count Award
• Partnership with Student Accounts
• 5 years with UAS

Business:

• Business running ~1000pv
• Wolgamott solicited me to Seattle for counseling

Spiritual:

• Read approx 50% of Bible
• Attended church more regularly (10/52 weeks)
• Ex-excommunication
• Started attending BCM
• Attended Bible Study with Colleen (Chapter: 1 John)

Physical:

• Actively involved with Ultimate (Spring 2006)
• Enrolled in Yoga Class for Spring 2006
• Flexibility is currently poor
• Identified labrum tear
• Started playing Volleyball
• Klondike 2005 – leg 7

Thoughts:
Being 25 years old and involved in all the things I am, I can’t help but think I can always do more. I think of myself as someone who lets things slide often. I’m a creature of habit, with not all the good habits. I know that I am capable, but I don’t choose to follow through. Saying all that, I recognize that those feelings must resonate with many folks. It’s just that I’m not many folks.

What holds me back? Belief. How do I combat that? Get around people who build me up; read books to facilitate proper thoughts.

What do I need to be cautious of? Being a big-shot at UAS. I’m good at what I do, and it’s a good fit, but it doesn’t capitalize on the skills and passions that I have for the futures of other people.

I want to be the active owner of a facility that allows for kids to reveal things about themselves that were previously unknown. Their fears of the temporal can be brought to the surface and overcome. I’ll be the guy that stops by once a week to invest in the group that needs it most: the roughest kids, the staunchly unresponsive, & the downright rude. Helping them to see the things that I can see inside of them.

2006 goals

Journal entry of some sort
3.15.2004
Lunchtime

So here I am – It’s a Monday, I’m at lunch, and it’s nice cause I can take some time to note whatever I happen to think about.

My first thought while sitting down is that I’m pretty sore. It comes from ultimate yesterday – a practice with the Upsea Daisies… My quads, calves, and ankle are all sore. Oh well. They’ll get better.

It’s cold sitting here. Although I do like the lighting. It’s bright which is always a nice thing (unless trying to sleep.)

I have to go back to work in 20 minutes.

Okay, so finding things to talk about is a bit of a challenge at the moment, but they’re starting to come more easily now.

It’s surprising at what a difference being Russian can do for an appearance – For instance, both Lera and Alyona (Helen) are quite attractive. I’m sure there are many women who would be bombshells if only they dressed the part. It seems that Russian women do.

I’ve been reading more than normal lately. That has been nice. I’m going to try to read each day before I get done with work. This morning I was able to read before my shower out of ‘Communication, Sex, and Money’. It’s interesting that sometimes while reading, I can notice myself being resistant to changing – especially when it means work on my part – as in relationships or habits that I might have. I don’t really know what the cause for the hesitation.

I had the thought yesterday to talk with Toby Coate about his spiritual walk and the like – I like the fact that he seems to live what he says, and plays the part well. There are other people out there who seem to use their lives as a forum to periodically apply the good learning and teachings that happen within church settings, but all-to-many people decide that no one is looking. I’m sure that even I do that to some extent.

My battery life on my laptop sure isn’t what it used to be… it’s surprising how quickly it gets drained – I’m only been unplugged for maybe 55 minutes, but still I’m at the low category something like 16 minutes left!

I need to use the facilities but I think I’m gonna wait for about 5 minutes so that I can go while on my way back to work.

I’d rather go home for the remainder of the day – oh well. Oh, I need to do more finance stuff. Lookie there – Patricia is back online I’ll chat with her a bit before going back to work.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to see her again. It was interesting to have the intense summer fling thing – fun, but unnerving since there wasn’t ever really anything defining about it.

Oh, bout time for me to go back to work. I guess it was nice to type for a few minutes – perhaps with time, I’ll get better at this.

Bye.

Hmm… The strangeness of being me…

So here it is theree days before Family Reunion.  Helen, Jon, and Jason will be there. That’ll be neat.

Few interesting things that have been happening over the last few days that make for a lot of introspection.

1. Big Penguin
   1. I don’t really see that this could go anywhere.  I’m all mormon, and I like that (though I have challenges in my life that would qualify me as not so mormon). She’s catholic, but a cool gal.  What would that do for me?  She has some direction, but different spiritual life, and a nearly cynical outlook on life.  I think it stems from her friendship with JH and KM.  I get the distinct impression that she’s all about having the feel good relationship thing, but I don’t know about her willingness to change as much as relationships (especially with me) would require.
2. Foggy Crystal.
   1. So what the heck…  go from talking almost daily (I think…) to not at all.  It makes me wonder if I did something to offend her…  Should I be apologizing for something? She’s a great lady, with lots to offer in a relationship, but again, the cute ones always seem to look for the bad scenarios…  Thinking of which, I’m sure that I could be considered a bad scenario.  It is Tuesday, and with the frequency of her working on her computer, I would imagine that she has seen the email, which would also mean that she is ignoring the response.  I suppose that it would sufficeth to say, “Oh well.”  We’ll see where that relationship goes…  I don’t see me mingling much with her group of friends…  I’m not all about the drinking scene.  Go figure.  It’d be nice if people would address why they do the things that they do.
3. Virgin Mary.
   1. Yep, I bet that’s a true one.  Good for her.  So I’ve made many mistakes.  It makes me wonder if I can change my heart enough that I would be able to be worthy of someone who has chosen to save themselves for their husband.  Would I be able to be strong enough?  That’s the toughest part.  Mary seems like a cool gal, but I don’t really know what more to make of her.  Seems that she has developed a slight case of bitterness towards guys in general since things went not so well with David. It’d be nice to get to know her, but I really don’t know where to start that one. Besides, it sounds like she is interested in leaving Juneau for good just to get back to her home land so that she can have the good feelings again. I don’t blame her since she’s contemplating a Mission. That’s awesome.  I wonder if I could meet the specs to attract a return missionary.  How the heck do I change my heart that much!  I can only do it with Christ. I like that, but it can be a hard thing to release the control that I have.
4. Spanish Class
   1. Hmm, that was an interesting evening…  I will have to thank her for her honesty and the willingness to chat with me.  I don’t really get much of a chance to share those frustrations with anyone.  Seems like most are biased in some way or another. It was nice to try to share the fact that I’ve found things within the language, that really are attractive, and that are great commodities. I only hope that the reaction will be mature, rather than some sort of disappearing act.   That’d suck.  Also about that, how do you bridge the culture differences?  The different peers, the desires out of life, and the fact that they have desires to be places that are warm. What to do, what to do.  Lunch will be good tomorrow.  I wonder what’s to eat.
5. Japanese Gardens
   1. I here there are deep meanings to those things.  Very contemplative, and very serene.  I see a lot of those same qualities in this one.  Answers come quickly and are clear, however, in the amreican version, the ground seems to be muddled, and so the seeds have difficulties pushing through the challenges of the local soil.

I have screwed up so many times, and I really just want things to be alright. I look at the idea of sharing something great with a person that I love, and I am drawn to Helen.  I don’t know that she is the one though.  I don’t like the fact that our relationship is riddled with doubts, and that the forgiveness process seems to also be related to ghost stories (the dang things never die for reals.) She’d take my hand, but could I take hers?  What would be required of me to be able to do that? I look at the things we’ve shared, but I don’t see quite as many of the happy times, just because the entire experience has been riddled with me being dumb, or there being some sort of lacking communication going on in the relationship.

It was very potent to point out that I’ve never really been sold out to my relationship.  I wonder why that is.  I haven’t really seen the sold out side in any of my pursuits that I’ve had. Perhaps it’s just the train of thought that I’m presently in, but I really don’t see the things that I’ve been able to follow through on and complete.  Most of it seems to taper at some point, and in lots of the situations, it fades completely.

And then I have married people soliciting their single girlfriends to me, and I don’t turn it away. Why is that?  What am I looking for?  What the heck do I think I will find.

The most important thing about a spouse is the abilty and desire to change. Do I hold that myself?  If I say that I do, do my actions back it up?  Does my girlfriend desire to change herself?  Do I facilitate that situation?  So then it comes back to me, and here I am again, lacking in some way or another.

I get the impression in my own mind (not as though it’s an answer) that it’s healthiest to break up with Helen.  She deserves someone who is committed totally to the relationship, and not some guy who looks for opportunities to test the waters of the community.  I’m not even in the aquatic field!  I work with computers! Grr.

So I’ve punched away and come up with a  couple pages of comments.  It’s running up on 12 am now, and so I’m going to call it a night.

I pray, hope, desire, and thirst for a knowledge of how to best handle this situation, and the possible pain that it could bring to my life, and to the life of those that are close to me.

Good night,
-Cody Bennett

August 22, 2000

From the Gray Journal

Wow, I just read through that all & man have things changed. I don’t know that I could include it all in between this cover. I think I will make a couple of lists. One of them will be things that have changed since my last writing and would currently be incorrect and the second list will be of things I would like to remember to include & talk about later on. So now the lists:

List #1:

• Employment (BW now = Fiddlehead)
• Situation w/girls (mika & others)

List #2:

• Salmon Creek Trail (bike & hike ) Bear Resevouir
• Eagle Glacier Trail Tire/Bear
• Boss/Work @ Grayline

[…and I must have stopped, because…]

August 23, 2000

Well I think that will do for now, but I am reserving the right to add more. You know since I really haven’t completed many entries throughout the summer, I don’t think this will be an accurate represnetation of

[…and I must have stopped again!…]