American Men Survey:
Along with photographs, the portfolio will include facts or quotes from each participant about what it is like to be twenty-five in America today.
We ask that you to fill out the survey below. Please answer the questions as thoroughly as possible; the more you write, the better.
Name: Cody James Bennett
Cody: From a football player that was in the NFL when my mother was pregnant with me. I believe that there may also be a link to my mother’s roots in the Midwest; my brother’s name is Shane.
James: From my grandfather on my Dad’s side.
Bennett: My father’s surname.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Born and raised here, I love the outdoors. Juneau has a great mix of geography – ocean, flatlands, swamp, muskeg, & mountains – matched by an equally great collection of things to do: hiking, biking, climbing, Ultimate (Frisbee) and other sports. During the summer, there is no better place to be. During the winter, you can still do many of the same things, and you get to add wintersports to the listings. Many people in the area are regulars at the local ski area, Eaglecrest. If the weather isn’t cooperating, you’re thinking about summer.
Birthday:
December 9, 1980
Occupation:
I own and operate an Internet business specializing in building turnkey e-commerce franchise models for at-home companies. Additionally, I am a technology consultant for the IT Services department at the University of Alaska Southeast (UAS). And finally, I do work for the Student Accounts/Bursar’s office to help with the overload they have since recent staff losses.
Approximate Income (optional):
$50,000
How much money have you spent in the past 24-hours? On what?
Today only? What a restriction! I’d rather include the whole week. I could mention the $127 for fixing my digital camera, or the $150 on an iPod Nano for a friend’s birthday, or the $600 on rent. But since it’s just today, I’ll hold off. 😉
I generally don’t do any spending on Sundays. I prefer to allow people the opportunity to take the day off for church or family by not creating a demand for staffing on the one day a week. Today though, unusually, I’ve spent $260 shopping online (on my ecommerce site) for clothing – primarily shorts and pants. I’m getting to a point that my several year old wardrobe is starting to wear at the seams, literally. And though I see that the worn look is in, I can’t keep a straight face when the most blatant hole is not in the knee, if you catch my drift.
What did you do today?
Wow, how do you do this justice? On any given day, I seek to do so many things, but only get a limited amount completed. Here’s the breakdown of my current day:
9:00 AM: Wake up. Realize that it’s Daylight Savings: suddenly I’ve lost an hour of my day.
10:10 AM: Ten minutes after waking up, I stumbled downstairs to cook breakfast. Today I had a lovely vegetable medley; kind of an elaborate home-fries type creation. I don’t like to follow recipes, so I often don’t have a name for my delicacies.
10:50 AM: Eat food & check in on the sites I follow, primarily UAS Online (a coursework/portfolio/forum/weblog environment used by the University of Alaska Southeast) and of course MySpace.
11:15 AM: A close female friend stopped by to ask a couple of questions regarding supporting other people and the drama they bring. They were questions like “How do I help someone grow in an area in their life that I myself am weak in?” and “How do you continue to encourage someone?”
12:45 PM: Grab my stuff to head to work. Hop in my car, call Heather to ask if she needed a ride to campus.
12:55 PM: A quick turnaround at Heather’s house to head to campus for work. At 1:00.
1:05 PM: Chat with Heather for a while regarding a possible relationship. At this point, each of us like the idea of dating, however we both admit that there are things standing in the way of a healthy relationship (there are ex’s and life learning that we each have identified). Since I’m at work, I was working too, really.
2:10 PM: Heather took off, now I’m working, having a good time. Today I was able to pound through a bunch of items to prepare us for the start of the week tomorrow. Not glamorous, but good.
4:45 PM: Check in with Heather to see if she’s done with homework, or if she still has more to do.
4:55 PM: Head back to work and finish things up.
5:25 PM: Stopped by Student Accounts to pick up my workspace as it’s shared by the other people in the office (I’m an after hours guy in that area).
5:45 PM: I’m working on this American Man thing, trying to be frank and without embellishment or minimizing what’s happened. It’s actually a tough assignment.
6:35 PM: Head to housing to pick up housing students who will be playing Ultimate tonight
7:00 PM: For the first time this year, we’ll be back outdoors to play ultimate on the only turf field in Juneau. Sundays from 7-9 is all we get, so we’ve gotta make it good.
9:00 PM: Ultimate is over. Take people home.
9:45 PM: Roll in the door. Take a shower and get into some warm clothes.
10:00 PM: Check weekly online orders for my company and chat with my uncle on MSN. He’s going to help me by donating money to the local Big Brothers Big Sisters (I’m raising money for an annual fundraiser).
11:00 PM: Start a load of laundry since the basket has been full most of the week. Check in on MySpace.
11:21 PM: Add fabric softener to my laundry during the rinse cycle (there’s something so appealing about soft socks!)
11:30 PM: Resume my efforts to finalize this survey; I’ve got to turn it in tomorrow!
12:45 AM: I’m done enough. Now on to my reading before calling it a night.
1:30AM: Reading was good. I’m reading the New Testament, The 360o Leader by John Maxwell and Harry Potter III. Sleep time now. I’ll be up soon enough at 6:30.
How do you spend your weekends?
Weekends? I generally find myself working 7 days a week, though my “weekends” are days that I don’t work as much, and might even sleep in. It’s rare to find a weekend that I’m not playing Ultimate, or working, so that’s a primary element. I also do any studying for my class (Project Management) then. I will attempt to find time for friends, but I don’t often get as much time as we’d all like. Every once in a while I’ll get into cleaning and take care of the recycling that collects in the garage. Church is a nice addition to the week, but lately I’ve been inconsistent with attendance.
How do you think your life at twenty-five differs from your father’s when he was twenty-five?
I had to ask my Mom about this one because my Father died when I was 8. From the sounds of things, life was similar. We both made decent money, we both had troubles being committed to a single relationship, we both were analytically minded (for him mechanics, for me computers). In regards to societal differences, I’m not sure. When he was 25, it would have been near ’75. For me, the things I’m aware of are the proposed coming economic storm in America. I’m excited about the possibilities of the future specifically regarding my private franchise.
Do you feel like you’ve entered “manhood”?
What a weird question. Yes, I feel that I’ve entered Manhood, though in many ways, I feel inadequate and ill prepared to navigate life.
I was talking with a friend about how one would answer this question. We joked about the “average” guy… I have the sense that most “manly” guys would be keen on saying things like “Oh yeah, I definitely have. At 16. Her name was Bessie.” I’m not of that variety.
Most of the truly masculine men I know are also the first to admit their own mistakes and shortcomings. Perhaps that’s why I’m openly admitting that I have a long way to go before I’m grounded and stable in my manhood.
I can’t say that I recall a moment or time period in life that helped me make the rite of passage into Manhood. I can only say that with where I am now, and who I am, I’m pleased with where I’ve come to, and excited about the future.
Are you content with your current life? What would you like to change or make better?
Yes I am content, but at the same time, I like to maintain a hint of anxiety to help keep the pressure on to continue to grow. Life is good for me. I own everything I have and I have no outstanding debt. I make decent money which enables me to give to others. My savings account grows by several thousand dollars each year, and I’m surrounded by people who care for me, and appreciate me.
In changing my life, I look forward to being stronger in my resolve and execution of the dreams and goals that I have for myself. Recently, I was asked to describe myself for a new class I’m taking. A portion of what I wrote follows:
Future goals include many things, some tangible, others more abstract. I look forward to being an awesome husband, father, friend and coach. I enjoy being an unknown philanthropist, anonymously financing projects, endowments and other things like a super-hero of sorts. I don’t like the lime-light unless it serves the greater good (I don’t really like extra attention). I like the idea of a being a present day Bruce Wayne – a regular fellow by day, and fighting the evil of the world by night.
I am passionate about empowering kids to help them realize their own potential, and greatly desire to make a difference rather than a living.
What would I like to change or make better? I would wave my magic wand to help myself actualize my potential. With that alone, I could change the world for the better.
What’s the best thing about being twenty-five?
Well, at 25, I have the whole world ahead of me. I can set out in any direction and accomplish some of the burning passions that I’ve had for most, if not all of my life.
As mentioned in the things to change aspect, I want to make a difference and live a life of significance. From this stage in the game, I have all of the opportunity I can handle in regards to accomplishing that.
In trying to look at just the age of 25, I don’t see anything markedly special. Sure I can have cheaper car insurance, and rent cars at more companies, but beyond that, I see myself as a year older with more experience, perspective and patience than 24.
What scares you most about being twenty-five?
I remember when I was in high school wanting to be married sometime after 19. Well, when I made it to 19, I realized that I had a lot to learn before I was willing to get into a relationship for the rest of my life. I’m 25 now, and still in that quest for learning. Just tonight I was talking with a potential girlfriend hashing out the reality of the challenge of dating. (We’d have to take into consideration ex’s, current commitments, personal goals and significant differences between one another. No decisions have been made yet…) So, naturally, the future has a lot yet to unfold. I’m looking forward to being an awesome husband and father, while playing significant roles in my community. There is so much to accomplish and so little time!
One other thing that I can always look to for a good scare is the comfort in my own life. Earlier in the survey I mentioned that I like to keep a bit of unrest in mind to keep me on edge. With my current situation, most of my needs are met. That in and of itself is scary to me. I don’t want to be the guy who says, “I’ve got mine” and then just leave it at that. There are families who are disintegrating from the inside out because there isn’t anyone to encourage the men to grow and change and become caring, compassionate men of strength. There’s too much hype and expectation of men to become manly and strong and macho (just look at commercials). We’re lacking solicitation of men who will stand in the gap – men interested in bettering the world and becoming king makers rather than kings of their own domain.
What do you think it means to be an American man?
America was founded by God fearing men fighting for freedom. We have digressed as a nation allowing everything to be accepted, expecting nicey-nice behavior from all sides. 9-11 was a shock, and many people think that it shouldn’t have happened. I’m proud of the Americans who, in the midst of criticism and fear, did what was right.
I love the movie The Patriot. Mel Gibson exhibits someone who I feel is at his core, an American Man. He loves his family, and loves his country. He’s not interested in fighting for fighting’s sake. However, when the fight is brough to his door, he cannot stand by to watch it occur. He must act. His passion for family and freedoms is a lesson to us all.
I appreciate Stu Weber’s approach to Manhood. He writes in Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart: Bringing Strength into Balance:
What kind of man has shoulders broad enough to build upon? A four-pillared man:
A man of vision and character . . . a King.
A man of strength and power . . . a Warrior.
A man of faith and wisdom . . . a Mentor.
A man of heart and love . . . a Friend.(6)
To sum up the American man: I’d say he’s one to stand in the gap.
Another batch of notes from my “Dream” notebook…
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From The Dream Giver:
p. 18 “One thing Ordinary did know for sure: He didn’t want to repeat his Father’s mistake. He wouldn’t waste another day waiting for his Dream to see possible. He would find a way to pursue it.” (-And neither should I.)
Further…
p. .19 “my Big Dream is too important and too wonderful to miss.”
God has given me a Big Dream. He gave it to me even before I was Born. It is my role in this life to identify and actualize my innate Dream. My Dream is what I do best and what I most love to do. It makes me sad to think that so many nobodies are missing something so Big!
I am different from most people. I will pursue my dream no matter what.
Overarching Purpose.
Sometimes you can’t even tell who you’ll have in your life build this business for them (Grandkids, Kids, Friends, etc.)
When the dream is in the box, it’s nice, but it’s not the same.
There will be things that come out of nowhere. They may arrive from emotional experiences.
Impress = from afar… Impact = in person.
If you don’t think you need this, then you need it desperately.
Be embarrased to tell your dream to anyone beyond God and Spouse because it’s so big. Tell your problems how big your God is.
Write down a plan!
Your subconscious knows. Subconscious doesn’t understand then word “don’t”.
Deadline & date determines the pace.
Reasons for building business: friendship & family.
1) Enlarge your vision. Dream bigger!
2) Develop Healthy Self-Image. Who are you? Who is Cody Bennett?
3) Discover power in thoughts and words
4) Let go of the past. 2004 is over.
5) Find strength through adversity.
6) Living to give. Think of the need – Tsunami victims
7) Choose to be Happy.
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B Wolgamott
Poor Me, or Pour Me?
Open you up to the possibilities of your life.
What does your “tired” look like?
I can take a beating, but I’ll never be beaten
When you become paralyzed from pain, who wins?
What’s the thing that gets you going?
If you know WHY you do what you do, you’ll be a lot happier and passionate about it.
When something hurts, write it down.
Who’s right? Them, the laughers, or Me? It will take everything you have. Are you afraid of _____ or of not living to my potential.
What is the action of your life teaching to others watching you.
Family scholarships.
Write things down where it will remind you.
You’ll never recover by quitting.
One way or another, you have to go through life, you might as well rock it.
Today was a good day. Slept in a bit, then got up, did a little reading, listened to my tape, went to tutor Eileen, saw my brother, and then came out to my house for a nap. When I woke up, I remembered that Jim & Cathy were coming back tomorrow, so I thought it be worthwhile to head out to their cabin to check on things and make sure all was in order.
Earlier, while listening to Ron Puryear’s Crown Tips, I made the important realization that it would be much more valuable to get a different interaction with my tape listening. At this point, I’m not sure if it would be better to try to transcribe everything, or how I might be able to take more heed to the content of the CD, but it’s certainly something to put some thought towards.
In The Richest Man in Babylon, the chapter gave some basic suggestions for how to decrease debt. It’s broken down like this:
• 10% to savings
• 70% to living/rent/pleasantries of life
• 20% to debt
There were some things that I noticed from this:
• At no point was it suggested that you ever have 90% towards lifestyle – I’m not sure what’s to happen if you get that taken care of like I have. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to invest 30% towards savings. Sometime, I’ll do the math to find out what the implications of that would be on my current budget.
• The scale was percentage driven – it wasn’t about how much you made. AKA: if you have $100 or $1,000,000, you should be doing the same.
Traveling Light had a chapter about loneliness. It suggested that perhaps loneliness is not such a bad thing after all – in fact, it could be good that God is preparing you for something more. For example, you might never listen to classical if you always had your rock to distract and turn to. Perhaps the lonly time is intended to bring you into communication with Him! One thing to think about: if you’re hungry and go to the store, that’s an unwise decision – you’ll buy and take more (even those unhealthy things) than you’ll need. If you’re spiritually hungry, you may choose things that aren’t wholesome, just because you think it might fill the void. Here’s a passage from the book on the subject:
“When you know God loves you, you won’t be desperate for the love of others. You’ll no longer be a hungry shopper at the market. Have you ever gone to the grocery store on an empty stomach? You’re a sitting duck. You buy everything you don’t need. Doesn’t matter if it is good for you – you just want to fill your tummy. When you’re lonely, you do the same in life, pulling stuff off the shelf, not because you need it, but because you are hungry for love.”
What Makes God Smile was the chapter title in The Purpose Driven Life. The chapter uses the example of Noah, and his obedience to illustrate many points. It’s with good reason too; think of the implications of what God was asking:
• Noah is asked to build a HUGE ship – in the middle of a land locked area.
• It had NEVER rained upon the earth – he didn’t even know what rain was!
• Building the ship took 120 YEARS – how much patience do you have?
And he did all that was requested of him, exactly, and completely. Wow.
There are 5 acts of worship that makes God smile:
God smiles when we love him supremely. Noah loved God, even when it was unpopular – so much that no one else did. God longs for us to love him back, much like parents might of their rebellious child.
God smiles when we trust him completely. “By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land.” He acted immediately, and as a result, Noah became intimate with God. There were three problems (Never seen the rain, Lived hundreds of miles from the ocean, and difficulty of rounding up the animals) that Noah could have clinged to, but he didn’t; he obeyed.
God smiles when we obey him wholeheartedly. “Delayed obedience is really disobedience.” “God doesn’t owe you an explanation or reason for everything he asks you to do. Understanding can wait, but obedience can’t. Instant obedience will teach you more about God than a lifetime of Bible discussions. In fact, you will never understand some commands until you obey them first. Obedience unlocks understanding.”
God smiles when we praise and thank him continually. We are to praise god for who He is, and we thank God for what he has done.
God smiles when we use our abilities. We were endowed with certain gifts; things that are only for us, and that only we can maximize. You only bring God enjoyment by being you. Every act of enjoyment can become an act of worship when you thank God for it.
I recognize that I am a long way from being a ‘Spiritual Giant’ or one of God’s Warriors, but some day I’ll get there. And for now, I can just remember that He loves and enjoys me at every stage of my spiritual development. What God looks at is the attitude of my heart.: Is pleasing Him my deepest Desire?
When you live in light of eternity, your focus changes from ” how much pleasure am I getting out of life?” to “How much pleasure is God getting out of my life?” Will you make pleasing God the goal of your life? There is nothing that God won’t do for the person totally absorbed with this goal.
In Genesis 21-22, Isaac (Abraham & Sarah’s son) was born, and as he was matured, and had a place in the family, God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son on the altar. And Abraham carried out God’s wishes. Fortunately, he was stopped before Isaac was killed. I can’t imagine what this would be like; to be directed to kill one of your family members. To have that burden on your heart for hours before hand. He knew the night before, and all during the hike up the mountain to make the sacrafice. But the thing that stands out most (to me) is that Abraham was willing to do it. I feel that I would fight it, question it, and delay it – anything to keep it from happening. Abraham didn’t.
In Matthew 9, Jesus continues with sharing His message, by healing and teaching. It seems that his message is that he wants the person’s heart and will to be in the right place, and from there, he will bless them. It’s not enough to follow the Law. At this point, I haven’t seen an answer to the question of what the results of desiring to follow his will, yet not acting it or following the Law. My guess is that if you really desired to follow God, you would find a way to get over the vices.
Listened to Dan Yuen Attitude (part 2) today. I liked the part where he talked about what you would choose to do, if you could not fail, if you did not have fear.
Last yesterday morning, I think I listened to the first half, but I missed most of it – so in the evening (as I had noted) I listened to the Wolgamotts.
The Richest Man in Babylon had a chapter to talk about the transition from broke and in debt, to the turn around point. “Ill fortune pursues every man who thinks more of borrowing than of repaying.” Insight about the danger of debt (in hindsight): “Being young and without experience, I did not know that he who spends more than he earns is sowing the winds of needlyess self-indulgence from which he is sure to reap the whirlwinds of trouble and humiliation.” One question that you have to ask yourself if you’re on the wrong path is a life defining question: “Have I the soul of a slave, or the soul of a free man?” You’ll be able to continue on, “because the soul of a free man looks at life as a series of problems to be solved and solves them, whil the soul of a slave whines.” The point? Where determination is, the way can be found.
Genesis 19 was about the destruction of the evil places of Soddom and Gomorrah – and how Lot, his wife (almost) and his daughters were able to be saved because of Lot’s goodness. How’s that for generational impact?
Genesis 20 talked about Abraham’s esxperience with King Abimelech. Abimelech took Sarah to be his wife, but the Lord saved him from making a bad mistake. When he realized his wrong, he immediately made things right, and then some to rectify the situation and be at peace.
Matthew 8 explains more miracles that Jesus preformed. (Healings, storm calmings, etc).
The Purpose Driven Life explains that you were created for God’s pleasure. Something to think about would be that if god created you, and he has a purpose for you, than you are anything but insignificant. God doesn’t make mistakes.
• Bringing pleasure to God is called Worship Worship is a universal urge, hard-wired by God. If we fail to worship God, we always find a substitute (think of Wild at Heart).
• Worship is more than just music As long as it’s offered to God in spirit and truth, it is an act of worship. Don’t misconstrue the vocabulary for the truth.
• Worship is not for your benefit Don’t be so selfish – the true purpose is to bring pleasure to God. To let him know that he is important. Not to bring big-headedness to ourselves.
• Worship is not a PART of your life it IS your life Every actcan be transformed into an act of worship when you do it for the praise, glory and pleasure of God. “How is it possible to do everyhting to the glory of God? By doing everything as if you were doing it for Jesus and by carrying on a continual conversation with him while you do it.” “Take your everyday, ordinary life, and place it before God as an offering.”
Verse to remember: “The lord takes pleasure in his people” Psalm 149a TEV
Question to consider: What common task could I start (or stop) doing if I were doing it directly for Jesus?
Traveling Light reveals some good insight for the burden of fear. Fear is the next level of worry: “if worry is a burlap bag, fear is a trunk of concrete.” Keep in mind that Jesus has felt fear. He didn’t hide from it though, he announced it, and his obvious need for help. He wears no false mask of “I’m okay”. Also, take note that though he asked for help for his fear, he didn’t announce it to his deciples and friends, but instead to his Father in Heaven. He made a request for strength that only One could answer.
If you can be reminded to look to the good and the right, you can avoid the appearance of evil. Rather than focus on the fear, focus on the solution focus on the opening in the clostrophobic area. Look for the opening in the endzone, not the myirad of people in the vicinity.
When presented with fear or pain, you have 3 options:
Go Home (explicit failure)
Meditate on the pains and fear (debilitating, leads to failure – like attracts like)
Look to the future, and keep going. (victorious, and powerful!)
When you experience pain and scary points in your life, don’t abandon them, enter into them Just be sure to not enter them alone! While you’re there, be honest. Be afraid, do what Jesus did, open your heart. And be specific about your pains and fears (include durations, situations, flight numbers, etc.)
Don’t measure the size of the mountain; talk to the One who can move it.
This morning I chose not to awake early enough to listen to the tape of the morning. Last night I had watched Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle until 2 AM. It was a good movie, but for all its exciting content, I was less than pleased at the provocative content and attire of the three attractive main characters. I suppose that’s a lesson to be learned.
Instead of tape listening, I went downstairs and had breakfast quietly while I read from Traveling Light. I found this chapter to have great benefit, but lesser application. It was a chapter about the burden of Grief that comes with mourning a passing loved one. There were some points that I highlighted from the chapter, but as I don’t have the book in front of me, I’ll post them later.
Today, during work, I spent some time to create another space, specifically for work. It felt great to break away to spend important development time on content that I can specifically think about work for. I’ve set up the space at: http://spaces.msn.com/members/workincody/
At lunch, I read from The Richest Man in Babylon. It was an extremely short parable chapter explaining the scene of a strong attack against the walls of Babylon, and the city’s defense. We likewise cannot afford to be without adequate protection. This rings to me in different realms.
• Finances – the chapter’s intended context speaks to having insurance, savings, and dependable investments to be protected in the case of an unexpected tragedy.
• Emotionally – Seek out those who will assist in protecting you from non-productive thoughts. Don’t seek to spend time associating with those who are less developed in that realm, because it will wear off.
• Spiritually – Prayer makes a huge difference. Keeping your mind soaked in readings that will support your spiritual thinking helps to protect as well. Reading scripture. Rebuking attacts from the evil one is also sometimes imperitive.
• Physically – Having some sort of accountability can be useful. Go to the gym with a friend. Schedule your visits as to not miss them from lack of focused thought. Perhaps protection can mean keeping your gaurd up against ailments or physical harm – it may mean taking vitamins, or it could mean lifting weights to facilitate your defense, should the need arive.
Genesis 16-18 outlined more information about Abram. In verse 16, we are told the story of how Sarai, in her frustration gave her slave to Abram to have a son. That was a lame idea, because it only generated feelings of jealousy and malcontent. Eventually she beat her slave and drove her (Hagar) away. Fortunately for all, the Lord met Hagar in the desert, and bade her to return.
Next, in verse 17, the Lord committed to Abram that he would be the father of many nations, and with the new name Abraham, it was granted to him. As part of the process, he was circumsized along with all the men of his household. This was to signify the everlasting covenant that God had promised.
Verse 18 was about the precursors leading up to the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. The 3 men (the lord?) who were to destroy Sodom & Gomorrah came to spend time with Abraham before continuing their journey of destruction. Abraham was a good servant, and was consoled that the city wouldn’t be destroyed if there were but 10 men that were good.
Matthew 7 contains more lessons of Jesus. There are some great scriptures in this brief chapter:
• “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” – Be liberal in your praise and reluctant in your condemnation. Heck, be liberal in everything!
• “For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
• “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
I listened to the Wolgamott Rally tonight. I picked up an item from each spouse: from Leslie, I recognize that it’s worthwhile to have the mission in mind even during the seemingly mundane task, and from Brad, I realize that the greatest fear in life, is not so much of dying, but of dying without living.
The Purpose Driven Life emphasized God’s purpose for us – to glorify Him. “The ultimate goal of the universe is to show the glory of God.” All sin, at it’s root is failing to give God glory.. To bring Glory to god, you can do everything that He directs you to do in your life – fulfill your purpose! “When anything in creation fulfills its purpose, it brings glory to God.”
God’s 5 purposes for my life (to bring glory to god):
Through worship of him – God wants our worship to be motivated by love, thanksgiving, and delight, not duty. Worship is far more than praising, singing, and praying to God. Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God, loving him, and giving ourselves to be used for his purposes.
By loving other believers
By becoming like Christ – Spiritual maturity is becoming like Jesus in the way we think, feel and act. (Remember that Jesus wasn’t a passive, weak man, he was a man of great strength and resolve when the situation called for it.
By serving others with our gifts
By telling others about him – God expects us to share his truth with others. That in itself is a great privledge, helping them to find their purpose, and preparing them for their own eternal destiny.
Living your life for the glory of God will REQUIRE a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else. “Will you live for your own goals, comfort, and pleasure, or will you live the rest of your life for God’s glory, knowing that he has promised eternal rewards?
Sometimes, you’ll be influenced to doubt; to wonder if you have the strength to live for God. Don’t worry. God will give you what you need if you will just make the choice to live for him.
Verse to remember: “For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory.” Romans 11:36
Question to ponder: Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God’s glory?
Listened to a tape this morning to wake up to, but it wasn’t that effective since I didn’t get out of bed for it. I’m inclined to listen to it again this evening while doing other things. Note: I relistened to the Kosage & Nelson’s FED ’02 this evening. I like the simplicity and attitude that Dean brings to the table. Theron takes time to help explain the silliness of the separation of church and state and the exclusion of godly materials and principles.
Genesis 13-15 was more about Abram and his relations, including Lot, his nephew, and God. In verse 13, Lot and Abram were travelling together, and their groups/families/possessions got to be so large, that they decided to split up. Lot went to Jordan. In verse 14, Abram had to save Lot from the Kings that took over the area and folks possessions. verse 15 talks about the promises that God made to Abram concerning his lineage, even though, at that point, Sarai had been barren. It goes to show that God can make dreams come true, even despite all odds.
Matthew 6 was more teaching from Jesus. He taught how to give, pray, fast, worry and deal with money. I gather that the core message is to remain humble about it – don’t do it so that others can see you. Do it because you know that God sees you and you want to please him.
The Richest Man in Babylon had a neat chapter outlining the actual advice of someone who just received a windfall. The advice was sage, and isolated many things to be cautious of in the process of posessing new money.
It sounds like not many people ask for suggestions, and that’s likely the case, even today. Most people think they know what they’re doing, but they are in debt, operating off of credit or loans, and yet they still make projections about what good stewardship of money might be like.
The character giving the financial advice used a parable which made a lot of sense. He talked of an ox and an ass who were talking one day, the ox wanted a break, so the ass provided a way – just to lay down and act sick. The farmer came upon this, found the ox sick, and proceeded to yoke the ass for the days work. The moral of the story was simply, “If you desire to help thy friend, do it in a way that will not bring thy friend’s burdens upon thyself.”
If you are to loan to someone, the sage counselor pointed out that the goal of your loaning is to be certain of the return of your investment. Understand the weakness of men to be swayed by grand ideas of what they could make, if only they had gold – in reality, they had inexperience, and no mechanism whereby they could confirm the repayment of the loan.
The two goals from the chapter for the new money man: 1) keep his gold safe; and 2) that it earn more gold. The chapter closes with the wise phrase, “Better a little caution than a great regret.”
Traveling Light‘s chapter was about the burden of death, and that there is no need to fear as outlined in the 23’rd psalm:
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4 NKJV)
It’s a reminder of the frailty of life, and the promises that Jesus and God made to us about our end. Jesus made the promise to come back to take us home.
“The wise remember the brevity of life.” “…The best way to face life is to be honest about death.” I found it interesting that I haven’t really given death that much direct thought previously. I could die anytime. Really. Tomorrow on the slippery roads, a car could come out of nowhere to collide with me to my death, or perhaps (and more desireably) I slip quietly to my death decades from now after fulfilling much of my purpose for this life; where I can be somewhere with the best friends and family of my life.
The Purpose Driven Life also had a chapter talking about the frailties of life; about how we’re better off recognizing that this life is a temporary existance. We are but brief visitors to another land, and that soon (in the eyes of God,) we’ll be going home. The chapter points out the natural, but sometimes unnoticed truth: You will never feel compelety satisfied on earth, because you were made for more! Further, realizing that life on earth is just a temporary assignment should radically alter your values. In considering the closing “thoughts to ponder” section, it asks the same thing. My answer? Investing time & energy towards eternal things more; such as a tighter relationship to my Heavenly Father and deeper scripture study.
I liked the closing sentence of the chapter: “At death you won’t leave home – you’ll go home.”
Verse to remember: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)
Chapter 1: The Lens Principle
1. If asked to write a statement describing human nature and people in general, what would you say? Would you describe your philosophy as optimistic, skeptical, tentative, detached, etc.? What does your personal philosophy concerning others say about you?
I feel that on the whole, people are good. They desire to be good, do right, and achieve higher levels in their world. I feel that no man is a complete work; he is always growing and changing through his experiences, and that if chosen wisely, he can accomplish anything. My perspective is optimistic almost to a fault because I can tend to push people to new levels without receiving agreement from the individual that they want to go there. My philosophy indicates that I feel that I can become anything I desire with the right input. I feel that I am in my core, a good person – even though I sometimes struggle with my choices.
2. Would you describe your attitude as generally positive or negative? Do you see your attitude as an asset or a liability? What could you do to improve your attitude?
Generally, I see my attitude as positive. I choose to look for the positive traits to an experience or circumstance, and frequently can find them. As such, I find my attitude to be an asset. With the positive outlook, people enjoy my company, and I am subsequently offered an opportunity to help change their view about the event. A way that I could improve my outlook is to be more consistent with my enthusiasm (I feel that enthusiasm is part of an attitude.) If I were to do so, I would find myself gravitating towards my desired results more quickly than without the consistency.
3. Think back to your childhood. What experiences have especially marked you as an individual? Did they inspire you to trust or mistrust people? How has that outlook colored your relationships as an adult? If it has negatively affected your relationships, what positive experiences can you pursue to create a new, more positive history?
There are several experiences that have colored my perspective towards others. Growing up with the World Wide Dream Builders training organization has exposed me to resources to identify successful characteristics that I might pursue to accomplish my goals. I recall the Tom Miller Seminar teaching me to be not so critical of my perspective of an event with someone, but to slow down and consider options of interpretation. These things have positively affected my outlook of people, and continue to do so.
4. Do you agree with the statement that the difference between who you are today and who you will be in five years will be the people you spend time with and the books you read? What other factors do you believe to be equally (or more) important?
I do believe that to a very large extent. Input creates thoughts, thoughts create words, which in turn creates action, which leads to habit, character and destiny. Changing your input changes your output. Another important element that I would add is that a person must choose to change their input. As Neo says in the Matrix, the problem is choice.
5. Think about the personal qualities you would like to cultivate. List them. Now create a plan for growth to develop those qualities. First dedicate time on your calendar with people who possess the qualities you desire. Second select a book a month to read to help you grow.
Boundless enthusiasm. Strong self awareness. Immense self love. Intense self discipline. Bulldog-like consistency.
People that can elevate these things for me: Sahar Gorbanpour, Tina Rice, Lisa Miles, Barbara Hyde, Paul Kraft, Michael Ciri, Bill Wildes, & Bill Peters.
Books that can assist in the improvement of these traits: Enthusiasm Makes A Difference, Created for Excellence, The Go-Getter, Self-Love, & University of Success.
Introduction
This book was written with a 40 day reading format – 40 chapters to move through and to learn from. Much like the 40 day trial period used throughout scripture.
Recognize the value of interacting with the material, rather than simply glossing over an issue.
Concerning the ‘Verse to Remember’ sections at the end of each chapter: “If you really want to improve your life, memorizing Scripture may be the most important habit you can begin.”
Be sure to write your answers to the questions in the margin – feel free to make comments. It personalizes your reading, and helps you with retention. If you have the ability to share it with others, by all means, do!
I have committed to reading a chapter a day for the next 40 days. I will finish the program and get a better sense for the purpose that God has for my life!
Section 1 – What on Earth Am I Here For?
Day 1 – It All Starts with God
My purpose is not really mine at all – it is Gods purpose for my life. It has been conceived of before I came into existence, and is independent of my will or desire. Take note that whenever hunting for a passion or purpose based on my desires, I discover more confusion than clarity.
“You were made by God and for God – and until you understand that, life will never make sense.”
“Being successful and fulfilling your life’s purpose are not at all the same issue!”
“The Bible says, ‘Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.” (Matt 16:25)
“You didn’t create youself, so there is no way you can tell yourself what you were created for! If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn’t know it’s purpose, and the invention itself wouldn’t be able to tell you either. Only the creator or the owner’s manual could reveal its purpose.”
“Fortunately, there is an alternative to speculation about the meaning and purpose of life. It’s revelation. We can turn to what God has revealed about life in his Word. The easiest way to discover the purpose of an invention is to ask the creator of it. The same is true for discovering your life’s purpose: Ask God.
God has not left us in the dark to wonder and guess. He has clearly revealed his five purposes for our lives through the Bible.”
“The Bible says, “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” (Eph 1:1)
That verse shows us the following:
1. You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
2. God was thinking of you long before you every thought about him. His purpose for your life predates your conception. He planned it before you existed, without your input! You may choose your career, your spouse, and many other things, but you don’t get to choose your purpose. [it’s revealed to you!]
3. The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.
Verse to Remember: “Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him.” Colossians 1:16b (msg)
Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself? (A: Stay close to scripture and prayer, and good mental input. Might be good to develop visual reminders.)
Day 2 – You Are Not an Accident
“God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, you hair, and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the naturally talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.” My thought: Sweet! So what would He like to have me do with this set of attributes?
“Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when” and where and into what situation I would live in. He even decided the duration of my life. And get this – the IMPACT of my life! He specifically chose my parents, and my purpose to accomplish His will.
“There is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning! We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives.”
Verse to remember: “I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.” Isiah 44:2 (cev)
Question to Consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept? (A: Potentially my fathers death, the dysfunction of my family that I have learned from…)
Day 3 – What Drives Your Life?
This is a blast of notes that I had taken on How to Win Friends & Influence People. Just posting (without formatting) for keeping tabs on how I thought about the things. 🙂
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Notes while reading How to Win Friends & Influence People
How to get more out of the book:
a. Have deep desire to master human relations
b. Read each chapter twice before moving on.
c. Stop regularly to ask “how do I apply this?”
d. Underline while reading.
e. Review the book each month
f. Apply principles at every chance.
g. Develop motivation to use principles (like owing money when misusing technique)
h. Review progress weekly of mistakes, improvement and lessons learned.
i. Make notes in back of book.
PREFACE
The book has been translated into almost every written language, so it obviously has some good content.
There are always improvements being made to the text, this is just a starting point for these times – it was originally written in the 30s.
HOW THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN – AND WHY
Why should I bother to read this information? Most people need extensive training in the art of getting along with people on a day to day basis. Even in highly technical fields like engineering, success is only 15% technical ability and 85% interpersonal skills (personality & ability to lead people.)
“…the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power.”
This is a very exhaustive text – he read ferociously, and hired someone else – for a year and a half – to do the same! They pored through magazines, old books, new theories, biographies, and autobiographies – absolutely everything. Then they moved to interviewing successful people! Then, while that information was in use in the lecture hall, he solicited experiences from students to come back to relate what was learned – that’s where this book has spawned from. After remake and remake, this book has become what it is. It took 15 years to get to this form.
The rules set down in the book work like magic – they are tested and true, not simply guesswork or theories.
“For, ‘the great aim of education…is not knowledge but action.’ And this is an action book.”
NINE SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS BOOK
1. “A deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.”
Action: Say to yourself over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
2. Read chapter fast at first to get an overview, then reread the chapter thoroughly.
3. Stop frequently to think about what’s being read.
4. Read with something to mark with. Put lines in the margin, or asterisks to highlight things – even underline comments that have strong potency. This will make it easier and faster to review for the greatest return over the long run.
5. After reading thoroughly the first time, spend a few hours each month reviewing it. Glance through it often for reference and refreshers. Recognize the room for improvement that will constantly be available to you.
6. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. Apply these rules at every opportunity. Remember that you’re not trying to fill cells in your brain, you are trying to form new habits – to develop a new way of life. This is a handbook of human relations. Refer to these pages when an impulsive response seeps into your consciousness – make a choice that will develop your future.
7. Offer someone money each time they catch you violating a certain principle. Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.
Action: Develop a rule breaker jar to put in the kitchen as a reminder.
8. Designate a portion of every week to self-examination and review and appraisal.
Action: Develop a form to fill notes out on (when reviewing my weekly schedule.) Include the following questions: What mistakes did I make that time? What Did I do that was right, and in what way could I have improved my performance? What lessons can I learn from that experience?
9. Record specific successes of the application of these principles. Include names, dates, & results.
Part One – Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
CHAPTER 1 – IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY, DON’T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE
Most people don’t regard themselves as bad people, they justify, rationalize and explain.
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s –precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”
Experiments have proven that animals and humans alike who are “rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.”
“Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return.”
Action: Minimize criticisms that I offer – even in the spirit of ‘constructiveness’. Instead, work to build up the things that they are doing well.
Lincoln’s favorite quote, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
Lincoln: “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” And later, “if I send this letter, it will relieve my feelings, but it will make Meade try to justify himself. It will make him condemn me. It will arouse hard feelings, impair all his further usefulness…and perhaps force him to resign…”
Idea – if you have harsh feelings towards a person, write them a letter – the most intensely cruel letter that can be composed of the situation – and then trash it. You’ll feel the better for getting it out of your system, and they’ll never find out about the rebuke.
“Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous.”
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
Initial thought after reading Father Forgets: Life is short, be nice.
“It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.”
“As Dr. Johnson said: ‘God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man uintil the end of his days.’ Why should you and I?”
PRINCIPLE 1) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
CHAPTER 2 – THE BIG SECRET OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE
“There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything.” “And that is by making the other person want to do it.”
True, this can be with force, coercion, intimidation, or whatever vicious technique you can devise, but the fact remains. They will only do things if there is internal, personal motivation to pursue that item.
Everything that you and I do springs from the desire to be important.
Some things that people most want include:
1. Health and life preservation.
2. Food.
3. Sleep.
4. Money and the things money affords you.
5. An afterlife.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.
William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the CRAVING to be appreciated.”
“The rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.”
That desire to be important and great is what drives people to somewhat outlandish conclusions – remember the great criminals in our day, picture the egotistic teenager and his flashy car, the bragging of personal ability.
“If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character.”
“If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance, that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
Charles Schwab said: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”
It may seem natural to want to rebuke someone after a mistake, but be the bigger man, be interested in fostering improvement in the future – look for the good elements! Did they save some money or face from being lost? Were they able to come out with any extra skills at the end? Look for those positive things, and reinforce their efforts – that will pay you back much more than simply chiding them for a bad hand.
Primary reason that wives leave marriages: “lack of appreciation.” I’d bet that works for dating too.
Often we are more concerned with our temporary bodies by nourishing them with food than to nourish the spirit by positive reinforcement – breathing life into another human being.
“Flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms.” “Flattery is counterfeit…” “The difference between appreciation and flattery?” “One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”
Learn not to take flattery to heart – recognize it for what it is: cheap praise.
How to not use flattery with other people:
“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.”
Action: Post the following statement:
“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
PRINCIPLE 2) Give honest and sincere appreciation.
CHAPTER 3 – “HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM. HE WHO CANNOT WALKS A LONELY WAY.”
When you fish, you don’t think about what you want on the end of the hook, you think about what will attract the fish… why would you try to attract your peers with something that would repel you? Aren’t they not made of the same drives?
“…it is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.”
“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”
“Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.”
“…the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, [no matter the application] is: First, arouse the other person in an eager want.”
Examples: A) Sending a letter, neglecting to include the mentioned money (they wanted the $, so they wrote back) B) Explaining the value of vegetables (if eaten, he’d be able to stick up for himself against the bully) C) Understand things from their view (finger-painting is for kids who have been to kindergarten.)
Even if you are wronged, look for the way to talk in their interests. “Even if [you] convince him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.”
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Examples: A) Letter writing, be sure to structure it in a way that they understand how they will benefit from following direction from the piece of paper.
We are all eternally interested in solving our problems. “…if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us.” “…and customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.”
“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”
“If out of reading this book you get just one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle – if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.”
Remember to ask yourself: “How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?”