It twas indeed.
Today seemed to go by pretty quick again. Thank the good lord that he energized me to awake prior to my alarm so I could get some quality time into listening to a CD and mentally prepping for the day. I’m looking forward to the same tomorrow.
Work was pretty run-of-the-mill. Heather was out sick, Ward and I held down the fort. He’s got a new iPhone and so is quite jazzed about that.
After work, I had pickup. I guess Jason & family are dealing with some tough times (Josh ingested a bunch of medicine taking him to the hospital, and while there Jason had his wallet/checkbook stolen). We’re in interesting times that we come to these things in daylight, and public service locations like a hospital.
Did a bit more planning for Tday… It looks like the numbers are firming up, and we might have 20 or so coming over for food. It’ll be packed. It’ll be crazy. It’ll be fun. I have a hint of trepidity about the number of people and the amount of room that I have, but we’ll see how it works out. Maybe not everyone will show up at once? ha, yeah right.
Also had a chance to sit down briefly with Bill and chat about client slideshows and how to work on developing clients. I’m really growing in the process of opening my mouth and allowing stuff to come out. I look forward to being a bit stronger with it, but I’m also pleased with where I’m at and headed.
Chatted with Bill Abbott again today about the christmas dinner event. Need to do some price spec’ing over the weekend for him. Not sure how I’ll do it… maybe Dave Gelotte can be of assistance to me… The want to minimize corporate’s expense, but still have the option there for folks who are interested. Should prove to be a fun experience.
alright, i’m gonna lay down to sleep (after checking the alarm and saying a prayer).
thanks for listening, as always.
-cb
Another day done.
Today, my business acumen was a bit on the lessened side of things. Here are some of the highlights of the day:
And now, i’m pretty much en route to bed.
Heather and I have had some sort of unrestful air between us the past couple of days. I presume that we as a couple are okay, and that she’s simply frustrated with something but not sharing such; I think I could stand to grow in my ability to face OSM (oh stuff moments) and ask her about what’s up, but for now, i’m keeping my head down, and I’m not quite sure why. maybe more progress on that tomorrow.
speaking of tomorrow, maybe i’ll do some shopping, and hopefully have a better idea of numbers for thanksgiving dinner!
sweet dreams to me!
Not sure what to journal about tonight, so I figure I’ll just start and see where it goes.
Saturday was a good day of getting up early, getting some productive time in and finishing off with some down time with Heather.
I took roughly 1700 shots of the Soul Street Dance group that was in town with Juneau Arts & Humanities Council, so we’ll see where those go. I think my more proud moment of the evening was offering some Rhodiola to the crew prior to their going on stage. Naturally their reviews of the evening were great in spite of various technical problems.
I’m most hopeful that I’ll be getting an email soon of client registration & ordering!
The change of Quixtar/Amway Global has me a bit nervous, but the anxiety is bound to be a positive thing – they’ll be changing over to auto-deposit bonus payment, which means that in order to have a bonus, we have to have at least 50 pv of client volume in the month. Not a big deal on one hand, but it makes client successes that much more valuable.
Today was a laid back sorta day – lots of relaxing, and generally not feeling altogether prodcutive – I watched several episodes of Heroes with Heather, and then attended the webcasts with Bill. Oh how I long to be a double eagle! I seek to be strong, to commit to great things and to achieve them!
It’s thanksgiving week – Turkey Day is on Thursday; Heather and I will spend the time together cooking, and it sounds like Jason will chip in to assist even. Should be a good time.
One nice thing about the week is that it’s only a three day week at work.
I want to develop clients. I want to grow my business. I want to learn to earn support and business from others because of the value of what I offer!
Alright, that’s enough for now. I’m gonna head to sleep so that I can get up and get moving tomorrow morning. I expect that I’ll be waking up before my alarm goes off, and at that, I’ll be getting up and moving even without the added encouragement from the alarm!
g’nite.
Okay, maybe it’s not anger… maybe it’s more of an unrest or frustration that is just beneath the surface of my life…
I think about how all it takes to do great things is to take action (not even good action) in the direction that I want to go, and if I’m consistent with it, I’ll achieve whatever goal I might have.
I sit hear and type while Heather lays town to sleep next to me. It’s a Friday evening, and she’s restless with discomfort of being sick over the past few days, and trying to get some sleep to recharge for the weekend. Her breathing is heavy, thick almost, with congestion. I don’t think I’ve been anything but cross over the past few days, and I can’t really place why. It’s not that I’m upset with her… Perhaps it’s just myself… not being as productive as I would like to be. I feel frustrated by silly little things, like her breathing, and not really understanding what pain exists in my life that contributes to this sliver under my nail.
Midnight, and Bill had another plan tonight. 3 guests, all Oscar’s, I believe. I attended, with suit, with downline, but no new faces. It’s high time to get active, to expose this model to others, to thrive in helping other people achieve their goals – whether it be saving money or doing amazing things in the next few years to revolutionize their entire lives and their families future to come.
Activities for tomorrow are not planned to any degree other than a set activity of watching a cool dance performance in the evening. I want to make some progress with Britteny’s wedding album – 30’ish pages, with a variety of photos. I want to make some progress with Sophie’s photos, just to get them in a final place. I have many photo projects to finish… Time to get some done.
Further, I want to progress my business; calls to downline, offering my assistance, sharing my love, casting a vision of the future in spite of this uncertain economic time. I want to grow my business, making calls to people who have not yet seen the business model – as a goal to sit down and see the model. To grow my clientelle, reaching out to people’s needs – whether that be a superior product or just the benefit of Airline Miles. It’s a matter of reaching out and building relationships. Calling those people I haven’t called yet. Those people who may not yet be close friends. It’s about building others and helping them see the greatness in themselves. It’s about seeing the greatness with me.
Well, it’s midnight, and I’ll be getting up early to pursue some of these lofty plans towards various points of success. Staying true to my dreams will pay off in the end. I will (and am) breaking through those paper walls that exist in my life to find my freedom, prosperity and joy on the other side.
Journaling
June 12, 2007
Tonight I had a revealing talk with Mika about my predilection towards ambiguity in relationships. At one point, she mentioned that someone else had described me to have predatory behaviors.
It’s a heavy thing to hit. Fortunately the delivery was gentle and wanted. I trust Mika’s heart, and in that process, she was able to communicate some strong things. For instance, she asked when I would be done with this “learning” that I purport to be in? How long will it take? And if I say that I am learning, or if I say that I am working on it, where is the reality that I have what I speak? When will I speak that I am through the trials?
I think the thing that I realize is mostly that I am deluding myself to believe that I am “protected” by my ambiguity. I say that I am not dating, which allows me freedom to cast my seed to the wind, but simultaneously, I rob myself from the blessings of commitment, pride, and self respect.
Mika is mindful of the dynamic of having a single female in her business spending much solo time with me – what is it about me that I tend towards that can open those paths?
Tonight even, Emily was flirting with me on the Ultimate field. I was kissing Heather, and yet I found myself flirting with Elly. When will it stop? How will I find the urgency to make the one decision that I need to anchor myself?
John Maxwell talks in Today Matters about the idea of making the decision once and managing it daily. Have I made that big decision? Can I articulate it clearly? What about other decisions in my life? Alcohol, drugs, smoking? Those are easy. The stumbling blocks that I cling to? What about those?
The last entry I had talked about knowledge and authority equating to power. I have been given the power to lead my life as I see fit. What big decisions would I be wise to make? (Spirituality? Relationships? Integrity?)
I remember clearly listening to Brad Duncan talk about hedges. About developing, and watering, and growing hedges of protection to be set out at the far edges of my land – to help maintain boundaries for myself, as well as protection from outside dangers. How am I doing that now? Am I developing hedges?
Journaling
June 6, 2007
From opening a past journal entry from May 30, 2006, I read that I was under the suspicion that Helen might be pregnant. I’m a year out, but still having sex with her. Sigh.
Heather and I have been developing, but I have a hard time with maintaining chastity. I’m reading (and rereading) a book that I picked up from the Goads table at Spring Leadership named “Man’s Greatest Battle”.
In it, they hit upon a point that has been hovering in my consciousness for the past few days. It explains the challenge and then gets to the point of making a decision, and then very clearly outlines the following: We have the Freedom and Authority to make any decision we’re so inclined. What we are lacking at any given moment is Urgency.
How does one drive things to the urgent list? How do I make my business urgent? How do I increase the urgency of things that are important to me? How can I break my bad habits through identifying the urgent requirement of change?
Freedom + Authority = Power.
I have the power. I just need to DECIDE and follow through.
I’ll close for now, but this subject is far from complete. I’ll have to touch upon it some other time.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR!
2006-06-13 – Journaling – How do I want to be liked?
Hey there me, how are you?
I’m at lunch. It’s nice because I decided to stay on campus and do a little journaling. So now I’m listening to John Maxwell’s Influencer 2 training, and drinking a lovely Cherry XS.
On my way over here, I thought that it’d be nice to do another Letter to Helen, like I did last night. It was a nice way to get my feelings out, and though I’m not sure that she’ll ever read them, it’s neat to see me being honest with myself and my own struggles.
Journaling
April 3, 2006
“Why not me?” she asks.
Well, why not?
Helen has been a great friend and girlfriend, and many people would be lucky to have a chance with a girl like her. And if that’s the case, why is it that I’m not willing to take on the responsibilities of being hers?
She feeds me constantly, provides massage nearly every day, and is willing to engage in sex whenever I’m interested. If guys only knew how good I have it, they’d be fools to not want the same thing.
So, if that’s the case, why is it that I’m considering dating Heather?
Journaling
Monday, March 27, 2006
Where to start?
It’s been a while since I’ve stopped in to write an entry in my trusty journal. I was doing so good at the beginning of the year, though they were somewhat short, generally. It’s now late March, and I’m realizing that checking in from time to time would be valuable.
The initiator, more than checking in, of course, is women related. I’m 25, and on the whole, I enjoy life, but I still feel a lacking presence from time to time. Recently (within the past month or so) there has been a fondness developed with Heather Beaudette. She’s fun, smart, and good looking. We’ve talked about what a relationship might mean to one another, but there hasn’t been anything decided, and perhaps that’s where my confusion lies. We have indeed done some significant “making out”. Fun, yes. Fulfilling? No, not quite.
This last weekend (Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday) I happened to spend a fair amount of time with Heather. Thursday night after Yoga, we went out to dinner, and then I took her home. Friday, after work, we spent some time at Ultimate before I saw her in a knockout gown, headed for the UAS Spring Fling thing. (And boy did I wish at that point that I had gone with!) Saturday, we bonded first before work at 1, after 5 for a couple hours, and then again from dinner time until around 3:30 in the morning. Sunday morning we were together again doing homework. What a marathon weekend.
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People it talks about beginning with the end in mind. Perhaps that’s the step that I’m skipping here, and may be allowing whatever this is to develop faster than might be reasonable. So, smarty-pants, what does that “end” look like?
It’s a relationship of best friendshitp. It’s a relationship of value, and responsibility & commitment. It’s a relationships of love. I see social activities as a strong component of the relationship, and to a much lesser extent, it is less focused on physical fulfillment. It’s a relationship where sharing experiences is fostered and where we can learn from eachother. I see trading massages, and laughing lots. Cooking together and holding hands nearly every day. I envision growth. It will be a relationship that study, and encouragement to be better people abounds. It’s a haven from the intensities of the world: not a hiding place nor a dumping place, but a recharging place.
So that, of course, will solicit inquiry from Helen: “So why not me?” Why not? Hmm… Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been straightforward for much of our relationship, and the guilt that I feel for being distracted by other women is very real. I initially indicated that I was interested in breaking up so that I could learn some things about myself, and that I have. I don’t like the guilt associated with holding information back, whether I’m at fault, or just nervous of how it will be taken.
So what do I do about all this? Do I continue with Heather, kissing and spending time getting closer and closer? We both know that hormones are raging, and it seems relatively easy to take it to a place where we bring sex into the relationship. Do I want to go there?
Well, actually, no. I like the sensation of sex, and at times the connectedness that it offers, but I usually find in my reflection of past actions that it creates expectations. And with expectations (spoken or not), I may not be in a place to maintain them. The possibility of pregnancy is very real. And frankly, I’ve been a lucky man so far. Testing my luck seems downright ludicrous.
Why Heather & why now?
Do I want to date and be a committed boyfriend that is thoughtful and considerate? Do I think I can hold up that end of a bargain? Do I know what she’s looking for in a relationship? Can I provide those things?
What is God’s will for my life? Well, I know that he wants me to be obedient. When I think of that question, I think of my business and how it can radically change my current and future life. It enables me to bless others and to create a legacy.