Well, it feels like it’s been a while since I last posted an entry, so I thought tonight would be a good opportunity to do so. It’s Sunday the 21st, and we’ve got a 2-day week at UAS before a break for the holidays.
Photos.
I hope to use the break to get some significant catch up done with my photos. I’ve got a few outlying projects that would be wonderful to get done with (sophie’s wedding, nick’s graduation, javier’s dancing, and bill’s holiday party). For some reason, I’m thinking there might be more too.
IE8b2.
I guess Internet Explorer has a new version available for download and in the other browser, I’m doing that now. I don’t really care for IE much, but I figured that it might be something to look back upon and realize, “oh, I was 28 years old when that product was out… my how things have changed.” Kinda like the way I recall Netscape Mozilla or whatever those first web browsers were called.
Listening.
Tonight Bill did a great webcast on the premise of listening; it’s so rare that we spend the time to actually listen to what is being said in conversation… it seems there are so many distractions that it’s easiest to just pick up “noise” rather than any real meaning or importance.
Car.
Weather has been quite cold lately, and in these cold snaps, my car just doesn’t like it… Right now, the driver’s side shocks/struts are frozen solid which means that every bump I roll over is not buffered at all… As John Pohl put it, it’s like “tobagganing over washboard on saran wrap.” A very potent picture, indeed.
Bonus Checks.
I’m not sure how this will work out, but bonus checks will hence-forth be handled through direct payment with Amway Global. It’s a good thing insomuch as we won’t have to do as much management of volume and the like, but I’m nervous because there is a stipulation indicating that you MUST have 50pv or more in retail client volume BEFORE you can receive a bonus. That will be a painful realization, but at the same time, a very good (and motivating) one.
Core.
I’ve been away from the bandwagon recently, though today felt good insomuch as I got back on the horse, as it were. I listened to a CD earlier today and also read from The Slight Edge. I realize there is more to be done, but I’m glad for the modest progress. Tomorrow will be a better day yet!
Done.
Okay, so my alarm is set for 6:30 tomorrow, so I figure I might as well get some sleep now while I can. I’m glad I wrote, and hope to be back more regularly to reflect upon my day, and heck, it’ll improve my typing skills too! 🙂
G’nite,
-cb
Okay, maybe it’s not anger… maybe it’s more of an unrest or frustration that is just beneath the surface of my life…
I think about how all it takes to do great things is to take action (not even good action) in the direction that I want to go, and if I’m consistent with it, I’ll achieve whatever goal I might have.
I sit hear and type while Heather lays town to sleep next to me. It’s a Friday evening, and she’s restless with discomfort of being sick over the past few days, and trying to get some sleep to recharge for the weekend. Her breathing is heavy, thick almost, with congestion. I don’t think I’ve been anything but cross over the past few days, and I can’t really place why. It’s not that I’m upset with her… Perhaps it’s just myself… not being as productive as I would like to be. I feel frustrated by silly little things, like her breathing, and not really understanding what pain exists in my life that contributes to this sliver under my nail.
Midnight, and Bill had another plan tonight. 3 guests, all Oscar’s, I believe. I attended, with suit, with downline, but no new faces. It’s high time to get active, to expose this model to others, to thrive in helping other people achieve their goals – whether it be saving money or doing amazing things in the next few years to revolutionize their entire lives and their families future to come.
Activities for tomorrow are not planned to any degree other than a set activity of watching a cool dance performance in the evening. I want to make some progress with Britteny’s wedding album – 30’ish pages, with a variety of photos. I want to make some progress with Sophie’s photos, just to get them in a final place. I have many photo projects to finish… Time to get some done.
Further, I want to progress my business; calls to downline, offering my assistance, sharing my love, casting a vision of the future in spite of this uncertain economic time. I want to grow my business, making calls to people who have not yet seen the business model – as a goal to sit down and see the model. To grow my clientelle, reaching out to people’s needs – whether that be a superior product or just the benefit of Airline Miles. It’s a matter of reaching out and building relationships. Calling those people I haven’t called yet. Those people who may not yet be close friends. It’s about building others and helping them see the greatness in themselves. It’s about seeing the greatness with me.
Well, it’s midnight, and I’ll be getting up early to pursue some of these lofty plans towards various points of success. Staying true to my dreams will pay off in the end. I will (and am) breaking through those paper walls that exist in my life to find my freedom, prosperity and joy on the other side.
I had a good (and long) talk with Bill this evening… It ranged from products, to values, to business, and so forth.
I think the most significant thing I took away was some dialog we had regarding a recent observation that he made suggesting that I might want to look at myself to make sure that I’m as generous as I would like to be (aka not “stingy”). It’s been something that I’ve been grinding on for some time now, and it was nice to chat some to ask clarifying questions about.
I guess the crux of the issue is that it all is within the spirit. It’s not so much the dollar amount, or the dynamics of the interaction, as it is that I want to give the other person the better part of the deal… To give them the better seat at the table, as John Maxwell puts it.
Bill was reminded of a story that I think of regularly… of Brad Duncan visiting Ron Puryears house and finding a Mercedes covered in boxes, and generally going unused. It still had the sale stickers on it in fact. As the story progressed, Brad found out that Ron paid full retail for the car and of course reacted vehemently claiming that was the wrong choice and that he could have saved money. As it turns out, Ron had a different view… “Listen here, young man. I live in this community, I care about my neighbors and friends. If you can’t afford to pay the retail cost, then you have no business buying it in the first place!” (of course, this is paraphrased, but it brings up a good point… We’re here to bless others, not to horde things for ourselves. The Lord is uniquely concerned with our well being, and if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, than who are we to think that were are outside of his watchful eye.
I really liked some of the clarifying and repurposing questions that Bill asked throughout the talk:
So, if the spirit is really one of generosity, what actions will exist? Who do I know who I consider to have a generous spirit? Toby Coate? Pat Shier? Others?
…Let’s see… what else can I chat about?
Oh, regarding business development, (mostly through Heather’s prompting) I gave Christine (& Tim) a couple cans of XS for the vitamin B & folic acid goodness. She seemed enthused, and I’m really hoping for her sake that it helps to meet the needs… Energy and nutrition. Stress is a factor for her at her work place, and my heart goes out to their family while they are expecting a child soon.
Well, I’m thinking that some sleep would do me well. Tomorrow I aim to be the best me I can be. To give to others without concern for what I might receive in return. To be a man of integrity, worth, value, and love; showering generosity to all whom I come in contact with. I will be an excellent human being, giving the benefit of the doubt to people who I feel wrong me.
G’nite!
-cb
“You” by William Wildes
A bulletin he posted the other day; it’s a good reminder to us all to reflect on the miracle that each person is, inherently, no matter what the world has tossed our way, or how we may have reacted to it. Read on.
You are much more than you believe you are. You have the seeds of greatness planted in you. As I sit here fighting to keep a cold from my body. Five children spread out every where with no place for me to sleep. Looking at the relaxed way they sleep feeling snug and secure. I am thinking about you my friends. How did you grow up? Where you taught to believe in yourself? That you are a child of god? Do you still believe? What I am proud of is not how well I handle my life now. Or what ive overcome or accomplished in my life. Its that these children feel safe. All children need and deserve a safe place to just be themselves. How can we impower more adults to let go of the lies we were taught? See the greatness that we were born with? Soon it will be a new year. What will you do with it? I pray that you and I take in great input so that we will become our best. We cannot give away what we do not have. You were born a miracle. Never forget that. What you do today matters. What we do in this life really does echo in eternity. Have a truly blessed Christmas and make this coming year the very best ever.
Last night, Bill mentioned (mostly in passing) that most people, if they were to plan their homes to match how they plan their lives, would live in nothing more than a cardboard box.
That, of course, leads to many questions about my dream pursuit:
-cb
Journaling
May 30, 2006
Wow. So, things can change on you all of s sudden. I’m 25 and five months, and Helen is under the impression that she might be pregnant. Holy smokes. What a wakeup call.
I don’t know what to think at the moment. Bill gave the suggestion that I would be wise to look at how my father was to see if there are any correlations between myself and his actions. From the little I know and can pull together, I’m his spitting image.
I seek validation from women (he had two children, 6 weeks apart.) I am mechanically and analytically inclined (he was a mechanic for many years.)
June 9, 2004
Actually, I just experienced the 8th. It’s 1 am right now.
I just got back from Bill & Sharon’s place – we watched a movie called ‘Dickie Roberts – child star’ or something like that with David Spade.
I think the thing that I wanted to write about was my experiences with my father or lack thereof. At the end of the movie, Paxton started fussing in his room, and Bill went and got him. In the few minutes before I left, I got a glimpse of something distinct that I missed out on in life – Fatherly Love. Bill just held Paxton on his chest and hugged and joked with him (“Paxton, guess what?” “Wha” “I love you.”) I never have experienced that kind of love from a man. My father was a complete absentee father. I recall the memories I had of him.
The first I think was when I was youngest, though I don’t know my actual age. I recall sitting with him at my desk where the firewood would later be stored, and feeling really strange because I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t know if that was right – him being a guy and all… I don’t recall how it turned out, but the confusion of not knowing what was okay is something that I still sometimes wonder about.
The second memory was a brief visit that my dad took to come to Juneau to pick up his tools – he was over at his friends house at 17 mile. I don’t recall much, but I remember that I got to go see him there. It still makes me wonder why that was the meeting location, and why it was so brief.
The third was while he was passing through town on the ferry. He only had a little while, so I think I was able to spend something like 45 minutes with him. He had this ratty Xerox paper box with stuff in it. While sitting there chatting with him and trying to think of significant things to say in less than an hour, I remember seeing a little matchbox car mixed in. It was already well used – the little antenna on the top, and the two guns off of either side of the hood were all bent. It looked kinda like a shorter heurst, though more sporty. I don’t know what it was supposed to be, but it was a toy, and he gave it to me (after I asked to have it).
The final memory was of a phone call. It was likely around 8:30, because I recall my mom getting the call, and then allowing me to chat, though I was supposed to be in bed. After a few minutes on the phone, she prompted me to get off to go to bed. I’d bet that the bed thing was a scapegoat because if I remember correctly, later on, my mother informed me that he had been drinking and she didn’t want me on the phone with him while he was in that state.
Four brief glimpses, four indelible experiences. That and some tools are all I have of a father.
I wonder sometimes how I am supposed to learn to be a great dad when I had no example. I wonder how I’m to be in a relationship when my father didn’t know the first thing about strength. I wonder how to make choices that are right and strong, when, again, I never had that example.
Well, time will tell, and personal development will have to suffice – observation, reading, listening, etc. Best of luck to me. G’night.
June 6, 2004 (cont.)
Alright, so since I’m doing this at 6 in the evening, I suppose it’s more of a June 6, 2004 than the previous entry.
First things first
Watched my little brother graduate today. That was interesting. Bruce Bothello was the speaker (he’s presently the Juneau Mayor). I got to see lots of people that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Nico Bus, Salena Kasler, Robert Ridgeway, and more. Then I went to eat with my mother, Shane, Dawn, and her daughter & daughter’s boyfriend. We ate at the salmon bake which was nice. It’s really nice out right now.
Sleep Log
I woke up at 8:30 to my alarm, and then promptly fell back asleep. I think I got out of bed at around 10ish.
Humor
Today during graduation, while the conferring of degrees was taking place, someone threw out a couple of beach balls into the crowd. I thought it was sorta funny, but I guess the lady who came in to take them away didn’t.
Struggle
Trying to figure out what I want to do with the relationship I have with Helen. On one hand, she’s a great person, on the other, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a committed relationship. I guess I should have thought of that years ago, huh? I think I need to grow up, or get something out of my system, or something… I don’t know how to explain it at this point.
Beauty
At the Salmon Bake today, my mother had found out that one of the girls working there had graduated the same year as myself. I was thrown into a conversation with her which was nice, but at the same time slightly strange. It seems that she was looking for some sort of adult interaction, as though she didn’t get much of it at times… Which might be the case – she’s got a 1 year old at home. Anyhow, the beautiful thing is meeting new people, and making them feel special. She has a gorgeous smile, and when I told her such, she lit up.
Kindness
I guess it falls back to the meeting new people. In addition to Cara at the Salmon Bake, I met Kay Anderson who is a sophomore at UAF – studying Spanish. She’s here over the summer working, but is originally from Oregon. It was nice to chat with her.
Goals for the evening
Go work on the garage. Possibly go for a walk out Kowee Creek or somewhere like that. Put together an order. Figure out details within my finances. That’s about it.
January 27, 2002
From the Gray Journal
Hmm… so I guess it’s a good thing that I include the year in my datings. At this rate, I’ll finish this Journal by the year 3037. Oh well, at least I’m writing again.
My Explorer has been troubles for me recently for some reason, it wouldn’t hold a charge well enough for me to start the engine. I know I should proably get it looked at, but it’s just as easy not to.
Eric mentioned today or maybe yesterday that he was interested in entertaining the idea of his girlfriend living with us. I don’t know about it… I sent a msg to Bill asking for some input.
Work will likely get a little more interesting… Holly, from my past, is working at the helpdesk now… Actually so is Sandlin, but I am looking forward to that.
It’s been really cold for the last few days… I think the highs have been in the 20’s. I’m not real keen on it and apparently neither is my car.
Things with Helen are good. I’m trying to comprehend the differences between lust and love, and have more of the latter. I miss her a lot, but also, I need to be mindful of my future family, so I don’t fee right about going to visit, though it sure would be fun. I wonder if there are any web specials…
Tyson Kearns gets back from his mission on Thursday, and I have mixed feelings on the matter. I think it’s more the guilt about being “apostate”. I love that I have had so many questions answered, but also I find some things hard to connect with possibility. Also, because there is so much misunderstanding, I don’t want to create differences and disagreements on spiritual matters in my business.
Speaking of business, I need to get my license. Also my tax stuff. Ungh. For some reason, I have an urge to just be lazy. I need to get out of that.
Anyhow, enough for the night. I have mwork at 8:00, and I want to get there early. It’ll be a busy day. Goodnight.
-Cody