Day 2 of the year down, or at least mostly. Last night I watched the final movie of LOTR trilogy – all 250 MINUTES OF IT! John and Mariah stayed up to kiss and flirt and talk even after my 3:40 bed time. And then of course, this morning, John and I had a talk about the whole relationship world – it’s tough when you have hormones AND common sense – sometimes they really conflict.

Lets see, Helen called me silly, mostly because she caught me with my pants down while she was dropping off laundry for me. I must admit that I feel silly about being so prone to such carnal desires.

I met with Eileen today and made another $65 tutoring. It started out with about 40 minutes of chatting about her recent preformance review. It’s nice to be able to reach a deeper level with her. I had intended to ask her if she was interested in attending Dreamnight, but chickened out so I feel a bit weak there.

Next went to see my brother at the Mental Health Unit (MHU). Every time I see him, it’s strange because I just don’t match him any longer, and he’s still drawn onto the blood connection. I don’t know how much of him is him, and how much is the drugs, and how much might be whatever medical condition he’s working with. This evening he revealed that he stole a jacket from the Nugget Outfitter, so I let him know of my perspective, and then left – mostly because I didn’t have a lot to say to him, other than that I disagreed with his choice to steal, and that it was illegal, and I hoped that he would make amends at some point.

Next, came home to get a bite to eat, and then run to the post office to mail off the Return of the King that someone had bought from me over ebay – my paypal account is getting nicely round. I’ll be getting a Digital Camera in no time flat.

Last night before going to bed, I picked up The Richest Man in Babylon as it was a suggested reading a while back – it’s about finances and the laws surrounding them. I read another chapter this morning.

This evening I read another chapter from Travelling Light about reducing worry in our lives. The core point that I picked up on was that God will support us when the time comes because he leads us (example of the father handling the details and distributing tickets at the appointed time, not too late, not too early).

I also read Genesis 3-5 and Matthew 2. Gen 3-5 talk about Eve being deceived and then God talking with them about that. It left off by leading the lineage into Noah’s time. Matt 2 was about Jesus’s birth and the 3 wise men coming to greet him, and then Herod (the king of the area) wanting to have Jesus killed.

Lastly I read the 2nd chapter/day of the Purpose Driven Life. It’s core subject was that I am not an accident, and that God has created me for His purpose.

Verse to remember: “I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.”

Well, it is January first and today has been a good one. Last night I went to bed early (3:00 am) so that I could get up this morning and do some serious thinking on my mission & values. It was a good time.

I followed the PlanPlus tools through the process of creating a mission statement and a mission journey and a value statement, and then went to brunch at Mi Casa to look over my notes and have some quiet time eating food. It turned out that I was easily distracted from my efforts because of the next booth’s comments. It seemed that two older women were talking about the implications of alcohol in youth today, and not in a “that’s not so good” perspective either – they were talking about how their alcohol habits had been strong, but they were able to stay out of bad situations like date rape, and that girls these days (as well as boys) to some extent are at fault for the challenges that they both endure. It was interesting to overhear.

After brunch, I came back home to find that someone had purchased the WMP-11 (wireless equipt.) through ebay, so I got that packaged and dropped in the mail, stopped by Tommy’s to give him his gift of Wild at Heart and The Dream Giver, and then came home for a nap. After the nap, I listened to Brad Duncan’s Leadership talk while looking through dream photo cutouts in my binders.

Next, onto reading.

I plan to read the entirety of the bible this year, so I’ll be making notes as I go. Today’s reading will be Gen 1-2, & Matthew 1.

Also, I read Chapter 5 of Travelling Light – it talked about getting rest as part of life to be more productive.

Finally, I read the first (of 40) day/chapter of The Purpose Driven Life. It talked about how my purpose is not so much mine, as it is God’s, bestowed to me. He has already created it, and it is up to me to have it revealed to me, and then to apply it.

Verse to remember: “Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him.” Colossians 1:16b (Msg)

Chapter 1: The Lens Principle

1. If asked to write a statement describing human nature and people in general, what would you say? Would you describe your philosophy as optimistic, skeptical, tentative, detached, etc.? What does your personal philosophy concerning others say about you?

I feel that on the whole, people are good. They desire to be good, do right, and achieve higher levels in their world. I feel that no man is a complete work; he is always growing and changing through his experiences, and that if chosen wisely, he can accomplish anything. My perspective is optimistic almost to a fault because I can tend to push people to new levels without receiving agreement from the individual that they want to go there. My philosophy indicates that I feel that I can become anything I desire with the right input. I feel that I am in my core, a good person – even though I sometimes struggle with my choices.

2. Would you describe your attitude as generally positive or negative? Do you see your attitude as an asset or a liability? What could you do to improve your attitude?

Generally, I see my attitude as positive. I choose to look for the positive traits to an experience or circumstance, and frequently can find them. As such, I find my attitude to be an asset. With the positive outlook, people enjoy my company, and I am subsequently offered an opportunity to help change their view about the event. A way that I could improve my outlook is to be more consistent with my enthusiasm (I feel that enthusiasm is part of an attitude.) If I were to do so, I would find myself gravitating towards my desired results more quickly than without the consistency.

3. Think back to your childhood. What experiences have especially marked you as an individual? Did they inspire you to trust or mistrust people? How has that outlook colored your relationships as an adult? If it has negatively affected your relationships, what positive experiences can you pursue to create a new, more positive history?

There are several experiences that have colored my perspective towards others. Growing up with the World Wide Dream Builders training organization has exposed me to resources to identify successful characteristics that I might pursue to accomplish my goals. I recall the Tom Miller Seminar teaching me to be not so critical of my perspective of an event with someone, but to slow down and consider options of interpretation. These things have positively affected my outlook of people, and continue to do so.

4. Do you agree with the statement that the difference between who you are today and who you will be in five years will be the people you spend time with and the books you read? What other factors do you believe to be equally (or more) important?

I do believe that to a very large extent. Input creates thoughts, thoughts create words, which in turn creates action, which leads to habit, character and destiny. Changing your input changes your output. Another important element that I would add is that a person must choose to change their input. As Neo says in the Matrix, the problem is choice.

5. Think about the personal qualities you would like to cultivate. List them. Now create a plan for growth to develop those qualities. First dedicate time on your calendar with people who possess the qualities you desire. Second select a book a month to read to help you grow.

Boundless enthusiasm. Strong self awareness. Immense self love. Intense self discipline. Bulldog-like consistency.

People that can elevate these things for me: Sahar Gorbanpour, Tina Rice, Lisa Miles, Barbara Hyde, Paul Kraft, Michael Ciri, Bill Wildes, & Bill Peters.

Books that can assist in the improvement of these traits: Enthusiasm Makes A Difference, Created for Excellence, The Go-Getter, Self-Love, & University of Success.

Introduction

This book was written with a 40 day reading format – 40 chapters to move through and to learn from. Much like the 40 day trial period used throughout scripture.

Recognize the value of interacting with the material, rather than simply glossing over an issue.

Concerning the ‘Verse to Remember’ sections at the end of each chapter: “If you really want to improve your life, memorizing Scripture may be the most important habit you can begin.”

Be sure to write your answers to the questions in the margin – feel free to make comments. It personalizes your reading, and helps you with retention. If you have the ability to share it with others, by all means, do!

I have committed to reading a chapter a day for the next 40 days. I will finish the program and get a better sense for the purpose that God has for my life!

Section 1 – What on Earth Am I Here For?

Day 1 – It All Starts with God

My purpose is not really mine at all – it is Gods purpose for my life. It has been conceived of before I came into existence, and is independent of my will or desire. Take note that whenever hunting for a passion or purpose based on my desires, I discover more confusion than clarity.

“You were made by God and for God – and until you understand that, life will never make sense.”

“Being successful and fulfilling your life’s purpose are not at all the same issue!”

“The Bible says, ‘Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.” (Matt 16:25)

“You didn’t create youself, so there is no way you can tell yourself what you were created for! If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn’t know it’s purpose, and the invention itself wouldn’t be able to tell you either. Only the creator or the owner’s manual could reveal its purpose.”

“Fortunately, there is an alternative to speculation about the meaning and purpose of life. It’s revelation. We can turn to what God has revealed about life in his Word. The easiest way to discover the purpose of an invention is to ask the creator of it. The same is true for discovering your life’s purpose: Ask God.
God has not left us in the dark to wonder and guess. He has clearly revealed his five purposes for our lives through the Bible.”

“The Bible says, “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” (Eph 1:1)

That verse shows us the following:

1. You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

2. God was thinking of you long before you every thought about him. His purpose for your life predates your conception. He planned it before you existed, without your input! You may choose your career, your spouse, and many other things, but you don’t get to choose your purpose. [it’s revealed to you!]

3. The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.

Verse to Remember: “Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him.” Colossians 1:16b (msg)

Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself? (A: Stay close to scripture and prayer, and good mental input. Might be good to develop visual reminders.)

Day 2 – You Are Not an Accident

“God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, you hair, and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the naturally talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.” My thought: Sweet! So what would He like to have me do with this set of attributes?

“Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when” and where and into what situation I would live in. He even decided the duration of my life. And get this – the IMPACT of my life! He specifically chose my parents, and my purpose to accomplish His will.

“There is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning! We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives.”

Verse to remember: “I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.” Isiah 44:2 (cev)

Question to Consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept? (A: Potentially my fathers death, the dysfunction of my family that I have learned from…)

Day 3 – What Drives Your Life?

This is a blast of notes that I had taken on How to Win Friends & Influence People. Just posting (without formatting) for keeping tabs on how I thought about the things. 🙂

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Notes while reading How to Win Friends & Influence People

How to get more out of the book:
a. Have deep desire to master human relations
b. Read each chapter twice before moving on.
c. Stop regularly to ask “how do I apply this?”
d. Underline while reading.
e. Review the book each month
f. Apply principles at every chance.
g. Develop motivation to use principles (like owing money when misusing technique)
h. Review progress weekly of mistakes, improvement and lessons learned.
i. Make notes in back of book.

PREFACE
The book has been translated into almost every written language, so it obviously has some good content.

There are always improvements being made to the text, this is just a starting point for these times – it was originally written in the 30s.

HOW THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN – AND WHY
Why should I bother to read this information? Most people need extensive training in the art of getting along with people on a day to day basis. Even in highly technical fields like engineering, success is only 15% technical ability and 85% interpersonal skills (personality & ability to lead people.)

“…the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power.”

This is a very exhaustive text – he read ferociously, and hired someone else – for a year and a half – to do the same! They pored through magazines, old books, new theories, biographies, and autobiographies – absolutely everything. Then they moved to interviewing successful people! Then, while that information was in use in the lecture hall, he solicited experiences from students to come back to relate what was learned – that’s where this book has spawned from. After remake and remake, this book has become what it is. It took 15 years to get to this form.

The rules set down in the book work like magic – they are tested and true, not simply guesswork or theories.

“For, ‘the great aim of education…is not knowledge but action.’ And this is an action book.”

NINE SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS BOOK
1. “A deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.”

Action: Say to yourself over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”

2. Read chapter fast at first to get an overview, then reread the chapter thoroughly.

3. Stop frequently to think about what’s being read.

4. Read with something to mark with. Put lines in the margin, or asterisks to highlight things – even underline comments that have strong potency. This will make it easier and faster to review for the greatest return over the long run.

5. After reading thoroughly the first time, spend a few hours each month reviewing it. Glance through it often for reference and refreshers. Recognize the room for improvement that will constantly be available to you.

6. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. Apply these rules at every opportunity. Remember that you’re not trying to fill cells in your brain, you are trying to form new habits – to develop a new way of life. This is a handbook of human relations. Refer to these pages when an impulsive response seeps into your consciousness – make a choice that will develop your future.

7. Offer someone money each time they catch you violating a certain principle. Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.

Action: Develop a rule breaker jar to put in the kitchen as a reminder.

8. Designate a portion of every week to self-examination and review and appraisal.

Action: Develop a form to fill notes out on (when reviewing my weekly schedule.) Include the following questions: What mistakes did I make that time? What Did I do that was right, and in what way could I have improved my performance? What lessons can I learn from that experience?

9. Record specific successes of the application of these principles. Include names, dates, & results.

Part One – Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

CHAPTER 1 – IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY, DON’T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE
Most people don’t regard themselves as bad people, they justify, rationalize and explain.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s –precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”

Experiments have proven that animals and humans alike who are “rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.”

“Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return.”

Action: Minimize criticisms that I offer – even in the spirit of ‘constructiveness’. Instead, work to build up the things that they are doing well.

Lincoln’s favorite quote, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”

Lincoln: “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” And later, “if I send this letter, it will relieve my feelings, but it will make Meade try to justify himself. It will make him condemn me. It will arouse hard feelings, impair all his further usefulness…and perhaps force him to resign…”

Idea – if you have harsh feelings towards a person, write them a letter – the most intensely cruel letter that can be composed of the situation – and then trash it. You’ll feel the better for getting it out of your system, and they’ll never find out about the rebuke.

“Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous.”

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

Initial thought after reading Father Forgets: Life is short, be nice.

“It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.”

“As Dr. Johnson said: ‘God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man uintil the end of his days.’ Why should you and I?”

PRINCIPLE 1) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

CHAPTER 2 – THE BIG SECRET OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE
“There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything.” “And that is by making the other person want to do it.”

True, this can be with force, coercion, intimidation, or whatever vicious technique you can devise, but the fact remains. They will only do things if there is internal, personal motivation to pursue that item.

Everything that you and I do springs from the desire to be important.

Some things that people most want include:
1. Health and life preservation.
2. Food.
3. Sleep.
4. Money and the things money affords you.
5. An afterlife.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.

William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the CRAVING to be appreciated.”

“The rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.”

That desire to be important and great is what drives people to somewhat outlandish conclusions – remember the great criminals in our day, picture the egotistic teenager and his flashy car, the bragging of personal ability.

“If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character.”

“If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance, that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.

Charles Schwab said: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

It may seem natural to want to rebuke someone after a mistake, but be the bigger man, be interested in fostering improvement in the future – look for the good elements! Did they save some money or face from being lost? Were they able to come out with any extra skills at the end? Look for those positive things, and reinforce their efforts – that will pay you back much more than simply chiding them for a bad hand.

Primary reason that wives leave marriages: “lack of appreciation.” I’d bet that works for dating too.

Often we are more concerned with our temporary bodies by nourishing them with food than to nourish the spirit by positive reinforcement – breathing life into another human being.

“Flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms.” “Flattery is counterfeit…” “The difference between appreciation and flattery?” “One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

Learn not to take flattery to heart – recognize it for what it is: cheap praise.

How to not use flattery with other people:
“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.”

Action: Post the following statement:

“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

PRINCIPLE 2) Give honest and sincere appreciation.

CHAPTER 3 – “HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM. HE WHO CANNOT WALKS A LONELY WAY.”
When you fish, you don’t think about what you want on the end of the hook, you think about what will attract the fish… why would you try to attract your peers with something that would repel you? Aren’t they not made of the same drives?

“…it is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.”

“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”

“Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.”

“…the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, [no matter the application] is: First, arouse the other person in an eager want.”

Examples: A) Sending a letter, neglecting to include the mentioned money (they wanted the $, so they wrote back) B) Explaining the value of vegetables (if eaten, he’d be able to stick up for himself against the bully) C) Understand things from their view (finger-painting is for kids who have been to kindergarten.)

Even if you are wronged, look for the way to talk in their interests. “Even if [you] convince him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.”

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Examples: A) Letter writing, be sure to structure it in a way that they understand how they will benefit from following direction from the piece of paper.

We are all eternally interested in solving our problems. “…if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us.” “…and customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.”

“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”

“If out of reading this book you get just one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle – if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.”

Remember to ask yourself: “How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?”

Okay, so another day down. Work at the helpdesk was good, nothing unique to report other than my training of Holly. It was good, though I like training when contacts are coming in.

Another good thing was that we talked about our interlude. I suppose we were both aware that it might be awkward working together. I found that she wasn’t upset with me, and that is good. Right now the air is cleared. We’ll see what happens. Adriana backed out of climbing at the rock dump… that was lame. In retrospect, I gave her a real hard time about that. I want to do that less (give hard times.) Perhaps we’ll go soon. I think Friday is the planned time.

Tyson gets back tomorrow. Oh my gosh. It’s been 2 years already! Yikes. I wonder what he will think about my activity level. I hope he is graceful about it. I’d guess he would.

Helen paged me today, just a little note/msg to let me know that she loves me. I wonder what love means.

I still might go to fairbanks in a couple of weeks. I’m waiting for a guy at statewide to get back to me about it. Hopefully I’ll know more tomorrow.

I talked with Eric for a while today about the housing arrangement… It seemed to go well, but we’ll see what happens with Amanda. I wish there was some easy way to accomplish everyone’s desires. Likely not, but it’d be kinda neat.

Tomorrow there is a Pohl BP here. I need to use some time to clean, and maybe do some dishes too.

Oh today I found out that I have female sperm. I guess all guys have it, but needless to say, I was a bit surprised.

Well, I’ve still got some reading.

Night!
-Cody

Today I got together with Bill and Sharon and went to a lecture thing at the downtown library. Some guy talked about the research involved with writing his book, some 20 years of reading prepared him. The book was someone’s journal for the 18 months before the declaration of independence or something like that was signed. It was pretty interesting. He read a few exerpts from teh book which made it a whole lot more intriguing. Afterwards I worked at Bill’s shop, Sam’s Auto Body for an hour and a half, scuffing a bumper to be painted later. I then had spagetti for dinner & read a little, up to 99 pages now, but I gotta go – it’s past my bedtime. —