Another blog entry from Brad Wolgamott:
A lot of people think that to forgive someone is to let them off the hook for something they did to hurt you or someone you know. This really is not the case. There is a huge difference between forgiveness and restoration. Forgivenes can be immediate but restoration may take time if ever! Forgiveness frees your spirit of resentment, which is something that binds many of us. In latin resentment is broken down into “re” which means again and sento which is to “cut”. So resentment means to feel the cut again and again. This unfortunatly becomes self inflicted pain because it is only cutting our spirit and binding us from true joy. While, at the same time the offender doesnt even know you are dealing with the emotional bondage and pain. The offender will have to pay their own price in their own way. We may never see them suffer but more than likely they do at a very intense emotional way, either immediatly or some day down the road. if they don’t then that is their own battle and nothing we can do will ever change that. so be free of resentment and live a life full grace and joy.
Another post from Brad Wolgamott:
there is an old saying that hurting people hurt people. this is the truth in 99% of the cases. when you find this 1% hang on to them and cherish them forever. the other 99 is what we must navigate through if we are going to live life with joy. understanding this fact helps to avoid the pain that catches you off guard. when you get hurt from a place you would never expect the first thing you have to realize is that this person has pain in their life. we must take the time and extend mercy in order realize that the source of this pain is their own aching soul. they have probably done this to mask their own pain and issues. do not strike back. if you do then you are as guilty as they are. now you are hurting and you cause pain. this is the viciouse circle that runs our world and frankly is the course taken that leads to most wars. love conquers all!! well this is very true. be strong, transcend above the issue and be part of the healing power of love and grace.
So, increasingly, I am nervous of the reality that something may happen to my stuff. I realize that over the years, I’ve collected a lot of things and that in a moment, it could be all gone. Mostly I’m concerned about breaking stuff or having things stolen while out and away from my house, but I guess someone with light fingers could stop by my residence as well.
As such, I presume that it would be wise to start the process of documenting the items that I have in my ownership.
This is my first post here at ‘onjour!
Yes, that is a made-up name. I figured that Blog was a bit to overused, so ‘onjour! gave it that nice ring and is a smashup of “online journal”.
If I can figure out how to post a page with a different date, I will see about starting to compile all of my materials into a single location – at the moment, I’ve got several different computers & journals dedicated to the sparse ramblings that I’m sometimes prone to.
Till next time!
-cb
it’s the solstice tonight, and so lots of people are out enjoying themselves on account that the earth is leaning closer to the sun than at any other time of the year. whoo. yeah, feel the excitement.
had work, then ultimate today. tomorrow i leave for Anchorage for an ultimate tourney with the Juneau folks. it should prove to be fun, along with a lot of running. I think my energy level is a bit low about it, but Im sure it’ll pick up as game time approaches.
i think it was monday… the 18th… that heather and i finally decided to be official about our relationship – i now have a girlfriend.
Journaling
June 12, 2007
Tonight I had a revealing talk with Mika about my predilection towards ambiguity in relationships. At one point, she mentioned that someone else had described me to have predatory behaviors.
It’s a heavy thing to hit. Fortunately the delivery was gentle and wanted. I trust Mika’s heart, and in that process, she was able to communicate some strong things. For instance, she asked when I would be done with this “learning” that I purport to be in? How long will it take? And if I say that I am learning, or if I say that I am working on it, where is the reality that I have what I speak? When will I speak that I am through the trials?
I think the thing that I realize is mostly that I am deluding myself to believe that I am “protected” by my ambiguity. I say that I am not dating, which allows me freedom to cast my seed to the wind, but simultaneously, I rob myself from the blessings of commitment, pride, and self respect.
Mika is mindful of the dynamic of having a single female in her business spending much solo time with me – what is it about me that I tend towards that can open those paths?
Tonight even, Emily was flirting with me on the Ultimate field. I was kissing Heather, and yet I found myself flirting with Elly. When will it stop? How will I find the urgency to make the one decision that I need to anchor myself?
John Maxwell talks in Today Matters about the idea of making the decision once and managing it daily. Have I made that big decision? Can I articulate it clearly? What about other decisions in my life? Alcohol, drugs, smoking? Those are easy. The stumbling blocks that I cling to? What about those?
The last entry I had talked about knowledge and authority equating to power. I have been given the power to lead my life as I see fit. What big decisions would I be wise to make? (Spirituality? Relationships? Integrity?)
I remember clearly listening to Brad Duncan talk about hedges. About developing, and watering, and growing hedges of protection to be set out at the far edges of my land – to help maintain boundaries for myself, as well as protection from outside dangers. How am I doing that now? Am I developing hedges?
Journaling
June 6, 2007
From opening a past journal entry from May 30, 2006, I read that I was under the suspicion that Helen might be pregnant. I’m a year out, but still having sex with her. Sigh.
Heather and I have been developing, but I have a hard time with maintaining chastity. I’m reading (and rereading) a book that I picked up from the Goads table at Spring Leadership named “Man’s Greatest Battle”.
In it, they hit upon a point that has been hovering in my consciousness for the past few days. It explains the challenge and then gets to the point of making a decision, and then very clearly outlines the following: We have the Freedom and Authority to make any decision we’re so inclined. What we are lacking at any given moment is Urgency.
How does one drive things to the urgent list? How do I make my business urgent? How do I increase the urgency of things that are important to me? How can I break my bad habits through identifying the urgent requirement of change?
Freedom + Authority = Power.
I have the power. I just need to DECIDE and follow through.
I’ll close for now, but this subject is far from complete. I’ll have to touch upon it some other time.
Last night, Bill mentioned (mostly in passing) that most people, if they were to plan their homes to match how they plan their lives, would live in nothing more than a cardboard box.
That, of course, leads to many questions about my dream pursuit:
-cb
It’s amazing how time can just slip by. It has been a week since my last entry. Right now I’m headed to Ketchikan for their Staff Development Day. I brought my Bible along and opened to Mark 8:34, “…whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” This leads me to questions:
From listening to Brad Duncan repeatedly, I am reminded that I can only choose one of two ways:
I can’t help but think that Mark 8:34 is a prescription for Happiness. Why is it we are naturally disposed towards pleasure?
I want to be a man of strength – one who is an example for his family, friends, & association.
-cb
I realize more & more that as I progress & grow professionally, one of the major components that I’ll need to buff up on is simply THINKING. I have a sensation that my ability to think well will come with minimal effort & practices as I’m a naturally analytical fellow. As I was reading from ‘Thinking for a Change’ (p. 5), Maxwell states that the largest road block for most people is their feelings. Then he follows with this syllogism:
Naturally, this applies in all areas of my life (confidence!): Relationships, Business, Spiritual, Moral/Emotional, etc. From here, it is just a question of whether or not I’m willing to pursue growth & change. I am.
p. 10, the mind is a fragile & malleable thing – I must remember to guard my association as to protect my winning mentality (also the subject of the B. Duncan Leadership ’08 talk). It states to either, 1) hang with winners, or 2) walk alone. It does not say to hang w/nice people, or people with good intentions.
-cb