Last night, Bill mentioned (mostly in passing) that most people, if they were to plan their homes to match how they plan their lives, would live in nothing more than a cardboard box.
That, of course, leads to many questions about my dream pursuit:
-cb
Today I had the privilege to sit in on a leaders webcast done from Brad’s House. He talked about a number of things, but a couple stick out. (see more notes in my OneNote notes).
First, Brad mentioned the importance in journaling. Not writing in a diary, but documenting learning experiences and impactful information. It brought to mind that I would be wise to reinvest in learning – CORE can become a legalistic occurrence and thus the value in decreased dramatically.
Second, he talked about conflict resolution, which wasn’t so much focused on skills/tactics, but the meanings behind conflict and the overall desire to “win the man” rather than the war.
Also, most of my day was spent intermittently constructing tracking sheets. It was nice to recommit & reconstruct the information – I look forward to it being faster from consistently doing them.
Lastly, I really simply need to be real with people & dissolve my no-talk rules. I hurt others by keeping my mouth closed.
That’s all for now.
-cb
July 15, 2004
Yep, it’s been another long delay since my last entry.
I’m sitting at the waffle shop right now, after just spending a nice evening of taking some photos out the road near tee harbor, as well as at the shrine.
Something sits heavy on my heart right now, though I can’t precisely identify what it is. While at the shrine I went to “The Gap” there I had a moment of prayer that was essentially me asking for help with cleaning up my life and fixing my heart. More and more I recognize that I am able to make fiends and be close, and then using that ability, get closer to someone than I really need to be. Just since Helen and I have broken up, Heidi, Heather, Helen… yeah, I need to figure things out.
I feel somewhat negligent towards my business right now, and that lends it’s own source of guilt, my relationships with women lend to feeling guilty, there is so much that I feel guilty about. I would love to release that, to feel free from any burden, to feel that people aren’t judging of my actions. Perhaps it’s my heart and desires that have to change, perhaps its my actions. How do I get out of my present situation?
Alright, so since I’m doing this at 6 in the evening, I suppose it’s more of a June 6, 2004 than the previous entry.
Watched my little brother graduate today. That was interesting. Bruce Bothello was the speaker (he’s presently the Juneau Mayor). I got to see lots of people that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Nico Bus, Salena Kasler, Robert Ridgeway, and more. Then I went to eat with my mother, Shane, Dawn, and her daughter & daughter’s boyfriend. We ate at the salmon bake which was nice. It’s really nice out right now.
I woke up at 8:30 to my alarm, and then promptly fell back asleep. I think I got out of bed at around 10ish.
Today during graduation, while the conferring of degrees was taking place, someone threw out a couple of beach balls into the crowd. I thought it was sorta funny, but I guess the lady who came in to take them away didn’t.
Trying to figure out what I want to do with the relationship I have with Helen. On one hand, she’s a great person, on the other, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a committed relationship. I guess I should have thought of that years ago, huh? I think I need to grow up, or get something out of my system, or something… I don’t know how to explain it at this point.
At the Salmon Bake today, my mother had found out that one of the girls working there had graduated the same year as myself. I was thrown into a conversation with her which was nice, but at the same time slightly strange. It seems that she was looking for some sort of adult interaction, as though she didn’t get much of it at times… Which might be the case – she’s got a 1 year old at home. Anyhow, the beautiful thing is meeting new people, and making them feel special. She has a gorgeous smile, and when I told her such, she lit up.
I guess it falls back to the meeting new people. In addition to Cara at the Salmon Bake, I met Kay Anderson who is a sophomore at UAF – studying Spanish. She’s here over the summer working, but is originally from Oregon. It was nice to chat with her.
Go work on the garage. Possibly go for a walk out Kowee Creek or somewhere like that. Put together an order. Figure out details within my finances. That’s about it.
April 18, 2004
Hey there, I’m actually over at Bill and Sharon’s place, waiting for the 10-10-10 program overview. I’ve got my binder of stuff and that’s about it… I think this’ll be done in an hour, and then I’ll do some other things… like clean my room. Helen isn’t feeling well presently so she’d like to have me come by (of course).
Hey there, I’m actually over at Bill and Sharon’s place, waiting for the 10-10-10 program overview. I’ve got my binder of stuff and that’s about it… I think this’ll be done in an hour, and then I’ll do some other things… like clean my room. Helen isn’t feeling well presently so she’d like to have me come by (of course).
April 6, 2004
It’s Helen’s b-day! Whee! Though I really don’t know what will transpire due to that. Actually, right now, I think I’d rather take a brief nap – I might even do that when I’m all done with checking my email and writing this entry.
Work was alright today – was semi-busy since Jeff was out sick. I took a little bit longer lunch so that I could cover until 5, but the time taken was well needed. I ran around taking care of deposits/mailing for the Wildes… Whew – if having rental properties is as much effort as I put out the past couple of days, I don’t think I want any (unless they’re excessively profitable.)
I need to call Compaq about my computer to get it all fixed up before the warranty is up. I think I’m gonna take care of my taxes first and then work to back everything up so that I don’t have to rebuild data again… that’s been no good – though I’m so glad that Helen has been willing to do most of the data entry for last year’s finances.
Alright, next I’m onto making starclient work, bleh – more fixing things… I can’t wait till it’s all better.
April 5, 2004
Alright, another day. So I slept in a bit more than I expected, but I still had the chance to get to go to breakfast with Helen – I think it’d be nice if she were a bit more cheery in the morning – I suppose she didn’t get enough sleep last night – though I would bet that it’s more related to attitude.
I am hoping to get a bumped flight today, though it pends having Sharon contact me back before I’m supposed to get on the plane. As it stands, I’m getting into Juneau at 1:40, and then have pickup for Sharon and deposits to handle… I’d like to get bumped, but it means that I’d get into Juneau later this evening or even tomorrow. Ugh.
Sharon gets into Chicago at around 4 pm (1 pm Juneau time. That means that she should be able to get the message and respond before 9 am, right? I hope so.
April 4, 2004
The Sunday night after leadership in Spokane, and here I am studying and writing this to myself. It was great to see Tommy and give some guidance/thoughts on his relationship with Hilari – I hope that does him well. As for the relationship for Helen and I, it was a good function for information, now the need it to turn around and apply it. Brad Duncan gave a smashing talk about Marriage as the closing talk – I think it was a way for people to get their oars in the water going the same direction – and as insight for those who aren’t presently married.
I find myself wondering how I am supposed to handle our relationship. On one hand, I see that the things that we endure are completely normal, however, at the same time, it’s as though we act married with our challenges… I suppose it’s better to address them now before married than waiting to tie the knot. I am hoping that I can come to an answer through continued scripture and book study and counsel with Bill and Sharon and whoever else I can have chat with me. I’m nearly through Leviticus right now, but going through the old testament, I’m not sure that I’m receiving what I need (other than the renewed reward of making a choice and then disciplining myself to carry through with it.)
So I’m at the 2004 leadership… It was a great evening last night, though the feeling of the evening may not have caught up with me… It’s like I’m watching someone else going to the function. I’d like to have it delve deep into my heart, but I’m not sure that I’m there yet.
I like the fact that I got up early to do my reading today. I think I will receive the reward of positive energy for my choice – I read for 15-20 minutes from ‘The Secret of Success’ and then another 15-20 from Leviticas.
One thing that I haven’t grasped quite yet is the content of the old testament. I found the stories in Genesis and Exodus were great, but then it’s slowed to god telling Moses about what Aaron should be doing… (as in laws of the land.) I’m sure that it’s useful, but I’m not so sure it’s application today. I’m glad that it was of use back in their time, but now, I think I realize that cleanliness is good, though I’d wager, that the sacrifice of animals wouldn’t go over so well. I wonder whether or not this text was available to the people of the day.
I’m listening to Ron talking about Vision – to take 3-4 nights focusing on your vision, and then 3-4 nights in family/relationships…In order to do that, you’ve gotta give up hobbies and TV. Idle time is evil time. People with a vision don’t have time for it to be idle…
The function starts this morning in another hour or so… I’m looking forward to that. I just want it to get deeper and deeper into me. I must go eagle in the next 2-3 months… this stuff has gone on too long, and there must be a way to get out from under it. Give me 3 months to eagle – another 2 for double eagle, and then another month for platinum to come about. I need to go platinum for Bill and Sharon, and for Brad and Leslie. There is much impact that I can provide by simply stepping up and filling the gap. I need to develop a plan of Volume growth, and of width growth, and then define width growth – from then, I need to help others to do that too! 750 pv would be needed for duplication purpose – it’s far better for me to have ten 750 pv folk, than it would be to have a hundred 75 pv folks.
Waking up early, planning my day, and then following through with it is what it will take. I destroyed the barrier to discipline that I had, so I know (though there might be challenge) that I can accomplish things. I will continue to learn from scripture and reading, but here’s the time to put it into action…
Kay, gotta get ready. Word.