So I’m at the 2004 leadership… It was a great evening last night, though the feeling of the evening may not have caught up with me… It’s like I’m watching someone else going to the function. I’d like to have it delve deep into my heart, but I’m not sure that I’m there yet. Read the rest of this entry »

Alright, my spirit is at such a low point right now that I am not sure it could go much lower. I wish I wasn’t in this situation. I wish I had the strength, I wish this were all just a bad bad dream. As it works out I have screwed with not only my life, my spirit, my success, but other people. My salvation now seems to be hanging in the middle.

I know that what I have done is completely wrong. I don’t really have much excuse. I am consumed with my own frustration and pain from doing things that are in society, unspeakable. I want to be rid of this.

With my going eagle this month, I see this as a plausible tool of an evil power. I know that I will be great, that I will impact many many people in a great way. I think the devil wants me to be in such a destructive situation that I cannot progress. I am stronger than him.

Pain frustration anger, confusion, worry, fear, hurt, anguish, sorrow. Those are just a few of the sensations that I am experiencing now.

Think of the day that I will be forgiven and healed completely of this issue.

I think this will be a good opportunity to journal again.

I find that so many good thoughts come out on the screen when I do this, it allows me to see what I am thinking and to explore that thought process.

So here I am. Making a decision about how I will handle two girls. One that I have built a great relationship with, and another that there is a large unknown, but can choose to love if that is the route that I take. Read the rest of this entry »

FED 2002
What a function. I am working on Journaling. I just spoke with Kurt Goad. Asked about the process of sharing the love within to others. What there is that I can do to be able to spead that life to others. He answers many things, but mostly it is a great in great out theme. He suggested prayer, books, tapes, and journaling. Here is another journal entry. Read the rest of this entry »

I love people.

I know that people are weird, but life is good.

I recognize that this is a numbers game and I just have to play it to the end… Perhaps it’s just like the variable rate burn for the string. I may find all the aces in the first four cards, but they also may be in the end. It’s all about consistency.

Lots of things on my heart right now. Lots of love. I recognize that the reason that I am here, that I am doing all of this, is that I have no other options. In order for me to treat my wife first class, in order to provide her with the very best things in life, I must discipline myself to do the things that may or may not be comfortable.

There are so many hearts out there that desire more out of life.; that recognize that there is more than just holding a job, maintaining a living. It is my mission to release them from the bondage that they would otherwise be condemned to receive, wither that entrapment be currently or in the future.

I look into peoples eyes and see so much more than what they see when they look into the mirror. It is my purpose to breathe life into those individuals who are lacking in their own hearts. It amazes me the intensity that people cling to the things that they are associated with.

I look at all the people around me, and they are no longer in looking to prosper, but to survive.

SURVIVAL,
STABILITY,
SUCCESS,
SIGNIFICANCE!

To prosper in life is to spill over the good in your life to the life of others. It is my mission to help people prosper who have ceased to do so. Many are hurting, many need the love of a Man to show them the way that they can become. So many people are developing and have a drop of hope in their souls that we must capture and develop until it is something of a falls coming forth from their mouths and hearts. Everyone was born for greatness, and because of my presence, more and more will be empowered to achieve it! In helping those who are currently at the stage of Survival, I am here to help them prosper to the extent that they are interested. In doing such, I will not only attain success, but to an extent, Significance.

Before the next function, I AM GOING EAGLE. I am forming my eagleship in the course of 30 days. This process holds a two fold purpose:

1. I will have no other explanation for my abilities but to place my accomplishment in the hands of God.
2. I will no longer be able to accept the excuse that I, or anyone else, are unable to perform such a feat.

I know that when I put my mind to a goal, I can achieve it. My CORE streak was started with a decision, my reading of the Book of Mormon was started with a decision, my winning of the artistry contest was made through a decision. This is another one that will be accomplished through that same process.

This run will be a run of numbers. I will track closely the successes and failures, and hope to receive the failures. Those letdowns will not be negative at all, but instead, uplifting experiences that allow me to go forth and find something more out of life!

All successful people are not successful because of talent, but because of persevearance. I am a man of resolve that shall not be shaken from this endeavor.

In thirty days, I will show an overview to 30 different people. Some will be ones that I know currently, but more likely than not, it will be people that the Lord brings into my path. God intends for me to prosper, and as such, He will bring all the people into my life that I will need to accomplish this goal.

No excuse will compete with my resolve to accomplish this task. I will be stronger, faster and smarter than any opponent who dare divert my attentions.

My business comes first, my relationship with Bill and Sharon second, Helen third, and friends fourth.

This goal will provide me with the following results:
1. Greater confidence within myself.
2. A respect from those people around me.
3. The privilege to work with Brad Wolgamott directly.
4. The privilege to sit in the Eagle Section at FED and future functions.
5. The privilege to attend the Eagle Only functions – both in Juneau and at major functions.
6. The greater responsibility to server. (I grow as a man and a server.)
7. Financial rewards from business development.

At eagle I will reward myself with a new camera.
At double eagle, I will reward myself with a new video camera.

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be able to roll over and kiss my wife, and snuggle in closer rather than get up and hit the streets with the need for chasing the dollar.

I refuse to allow money to control and dominate my life.

I want my kids to be able to know that their father is a champion of life. I desire my wife and children to see me as a hero in their lives.

I will leave a financial and spiritual legacy for the Bennett family.

I will be able to provide for my family in a first class way.

My mother will have the best possible care available when the time comes.

My brother will be able to pursue any of the desires that he has as an adolescent and young adult.

originally written 7.28.02 – how time flies…

January 27, 2002

From the Gray Journal

Hmm… so I guess it’s a good thing that I include the year in my datings. At this rate, I’ll finish this Journal by the year 3037. Oh well, at least I’m writing again.

My Explorer has been troubles for me recently for some reason, it wouldn’t hold a charge well enough for me to start the engine. I know I should proably get it looked at, but it’s just as easy not to.

Eric mentioned today or maybe yesterday that he was interested in entertaining the idea of his girlfriend living with us. I don’t know about it… I sent a msg to Bill asking for some input.

Work will likely get a little more interesting… Holly, from my past, is working at the helpdesk now… Actually so is Sandlin, but I am looking forward to that.

It’s been really cold for the last few days… I think the highs have been in the 20’s. I’m not real keen on it and apparently neither is my car.

Things with Helen are good. I’m trying to comprehend the differences between lust and love, and have more of the latter. I miss her a lot, but also, I need to be mindful of my future family, so I don’t fee right about going to visit, though it sure would be fun. I wonder if there are any web specials…

Tyson Kearns gets back from his mission on Thursday, and I have mixed feelings on the matter. I think it’s more the guilt about being “apostate”. I love that I have had so many questions answered, but also I find some things hard to connect with possibility. Also, because there is so much misunderstanding, I don’t want to create differences and disagreements on spiritual matters in my business.

Speaking of business, I need to get my license. Also my tax stuff. Ungh. For some reason, I have an urge to just be lazy. I need to get out of that.

Anyhow, enough for the night. I have mwork at 8:00, and I want to get there early. It’ll be a busy day. Goodnight.

-Cody

Just got done fighting with my mom about going to a board plan of Chris’! Apparently I perceived, said, & understood everything wrong so she’s mad, well “upset” that I am forcing her to go. Originally she said that she didn’t want to go because shane would then have to stay home alone which she didn’t like the idea of, but I kept on and suggested that I stay home with Shane while she go alone. Next she argues that I should go just as much as her. That was that. Now she refuses to not go, but going with her attitude would be counter producttive in my opinion. Off of that subject, I’ve been sick for awhile but yesterday I threw up at the Laundry & Shower place before schoo. I went to school anyway, even though I had the option of staying home which I turend down. Today I’m feeling a lot better, but my nose is still stuffy. During project period Eli drove us out to Auke Bay Labs & we got a tour and some advice from Larry Holland, our sci fair proj helper as a direct result from that meeting now we have 50 grams or 500 grams of L-ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) and the knowledge that using fruits in our expiraments would involve using a 100K & up work of equipment (a bad idea) so he showed us some other options. Also in the past 3 days, I have had 3 people ask for advice on what to do about relationships. The first one was Raliegh Morris & Lisa Mitchell; by today it fell apart. The second was Candice Seils & Nathan Harris. She found out that he might go out with her later on just not right now. The third was between Mara Early & Chester Carson. I’m not sure of the outcome as of yet, but after their talk after lunch he was in a bad mood. As for my relationships, I’m much better at being a friedn. Yesterday I found out what soccer team I’ll be on – an extremely crappy one aside from three other kids including Mike Jackson, Miles something-or-other, Andrew Lawrence and myself. It will be more enjoable to ref at this point. My big project that is due beyond semester isn’t yet done. Other than that, I’m doing fine… Academically that is. —

Our schedule at school today was lame. It took the longest time to reach lunch today. Luckily that time was productive. Eli & I have scheduled an appointment with him on thursday (him being Larry Holland) to help us with our Orange Project. So far he’s a cool guy. We had a sub in math today. His name is Sammy Sims. He wouldn’t let us sit on desks, wear hats, or be tardy or leave. The weird thing is that he was awesome!

I’m still squandering with my 2 large, make that 3 large projects: Russian Home Page, Technology Proposal for Phoenix and the Science Fair Project. We wen’t to a meeting today w/Bill & he covered a lot of the things we’ve already heard, not what we assumed we’d be doing.

On a sour note my mom’s being an ass about the business. Automatically she assumes that I dislike her partnership just be cause I’m tentative about the options which are unknown to me at this point. That’s what we though we would cover in today’s meeting.

Crystal didn’t get her luggage.

Today we (mom & I) went to Udder Culture & had a meeting with Bill, Sharon & Chris Shipler. He gave us a description & invited us to go to see his plan on Thursday. I look forward to going but I’m not sure what my mom thinks about it. Tonight we’ll go talk to bill to find out about family options.

On a different note, Crystal Novotney got back today from San Francisco area (LA & all in between) without her luggage. I wonder if she’ll show up at school tomorrow. I hope so.

Last day of Christmas vacation, unfortunately all good things come to an end.

Today my mom had a meeting with Bill & Sharon about the business. I didn’t go. Instead I hung out at the Nugget mall. While there I filled out 2 job applications, one to kits camera and the other to the Nugget Alaskan Outfitters. I also dropped off a roll of TMax 100 to be developed and get a proof sheet for it. Yesterday mom dropped 6 color rolls at costco. All of them will be done by Tuesday at the very latest. I can’t wait to pick them up. I need to finish my math that I have procrastinated on so far. —