Actually, I just experienced the 8th. It’s 1 am right now.
I just got back from Bill & Sharon’s place – we watched a movie called ‘Dickie Roberts – child star’ or something like that with David Spade.
I think the thing that I wanted to write about was my experiences with my father or lack thereof. At the end of the movie, Paxton started fussing in his room, and Bill went and got him. In the few minutes before I left, I got a glimpse of something distinct that I missed out on in life – Fatherly Love. Bill just held Paxton on his chest and hugged and joked with him (“Paxton, guess what?” “Wha” “I love you.”) I never have experienced that kind of love from a man. My father was a complete absentee father. I recall the memories I had of him. Read the rest of this entry »
June 6, 2004
I think it’s more like the 5th since I haven’t yet gone to bed for the night, so that might be another consecutive day… If so, cool! (the other possibility is that the other entries were also in the same late night setting so they were actually tracked as the following day…)
Anyhow, during the last entry, I was thinking that a technique that Amanda Sauro used when doing her weblog. She had different categories that she put down and then spoke to each of them with the recap of the day. She had: First Things First, Sleep Log (just when she woke up and went to bed), Humor, Struggle, Beauty, Kindness, Classes, and Goals for Tomorrow. If I recall correctly, she got the idea from watching Oprah. Even stranger, Oprah is not spelled incorrectly according to MS word – I guess if you’re a TV personality, you can have your name added to spell checkers! Neat!
Alright, so back on track now… I was thinking of instituting a similar process, but in my thinking, I was considering changing it slightly to help me develop as a person. It might be good to have sections like: Something New (learning), Something Old (application), Something Neat (daily story?), Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual), Something Physical (what activity did I do?) Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?), Something Relationship (notes from my relationships), Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).
It seems like a longer list than I thought it would be, but lets see what it would look like (I’ll include Amanda’s/Oprah’s list as well…) Here goes!
First Things First
I like the effect of Journaling – It’s a nice way to reflect on my day.
Sleep Log
Um, got up at noon (was up till 5 or 6 am yesterday so I only got 6 hours of sleep.) Planning to go to bed right after this – it’s 2:36 AM right now. I did get to take a nap this evening, but I have no clue how long it was.
Humor
John and I were talking about the potential skits associated with winning the Home Incentive Promotions – Like doing parody songs or movie scenes… That was entertaining to put a cleaning twist on songs like Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice…
Struggle
Communicating my interest level clearly without hurting others (in reference to the relationship I have with Helen. We went to Costco today, and I just didn’t have a hang out be social type aura to me.)
Beauty
Hmm… I don’t think I recall anything right off… I guess I did see a nifty little mazda mx8 or something like that – a little red sports car for broke people I’d guess.
Kindness
I was nice to take Helen to the Post Office and to the Bank before going to Costco.
Classes
I don’t really have any, though I was thinking of approaching the homework that is associated with the PADM class that I took over the summer. I also need to review that homework.
Goals for Tomorrow
Attend my little Brother’s graduation. And be nice with the family – even if it leads to dinner or other activities.
Something New (learned)
Goofed around looking at the registry of my computer and found some neat spots – though I only disabled some startup services and removed some registry entries for startup items.
Something Old (what did I apply?)
Hmm… Dunno.
Something Neat (daily story?)
Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual)
Something Physical (what activity did I do?)
Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?)
Something Relationship (notes from my relationships)
Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).
Ack, having too many items really leads me to not want to write any more… I guess I’m already 2 pages in almost so I’ll just call it good at that. It’s 2:44 am now. I’m planning to get up at 8:30 am.
G’night!
Alright, so since I’m doing this at 6 in the evening, I suppose it’s more of a June 6, 2004 than the previous entry.
Watched my little brother graduate today. That was interesting. Bruce Bothello was the speaker (he’s presently the Juneau Mayor). I got to see lots of people that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Nico Bus, Salena Kasler, Robert Ridgeway, and more. Then I went to eat with my mother, Shane, Dawn, and her daughter & daughter’s boyfriend. We ate at the salmon bake which was nice. It’s really nice out right now.
I woke up at 8:30 to my alarm, and then promptly fell back asleep. I think I got out of bed at around 10ish.
Today during graduation, while the conferring of degrees was taking place, someone threw out a couple of beach balls into the crowd. I thought it was sorta funny, but I guess the lady who came in to take them away didn’t.
Trying to figure out what I want to do with the relationship I have with Helen. On one hand, she’s a great person, on the other, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a committed relationship. I guess I should have thought of that years ago, huh? I think I need to grow up, or get something out of my system, or something… I don’t know how to explain it at this point.
At the Salmon Bake today, my mother had found out that one of the girls working there had graduated the same year as myself. I was thrown into a conversation with her which was nice, but at the same time slightly strange. It seems that she was looking for some sort of adult interaction, as though she didn’t get much of it at times… Which might be the case – she’s got a 1 year old at home. Anyhow, the beautiful thing is meeting new people, and making them feel special. She has a gorgeous smile, and when I told her such, she lit up.
I guess it falls back to the meeting new people. In addition to Cara at the Salmon Bake, I met Kay Anderson who is a sophomore at UAF – studying Spanish. She’s here over the summer working, but is originally from Oregon. It was nice to chat with her.
Go work on the garage. Possibly go for a walk out Kowee Creek or somewhere like that. Put together an order. Figure out details within my finances. That’s about it.
I think it’s more like the 5th since I haven’t yet gone to bed for the night, so that might be another consecutive day… If so, cool! (the other possibility is that the other entries were also in the same late night setting so they were actually tracked as the following day…)
Anyhow, during the last entry, I was thinking that a technique that Amanda Sauro used when doing her weblog. She had different categories that she put down and then spoke to each of them with the recap of the day. She had: First Things First, Sleep Log (just when she woke up and went to bed), Humor, Struggle, Beauty, Kindness, Classes, and Goals for Tomorrow. If I recall correctly, she got the idea from watching Oprah. Even stranger, Oprah is not spelled incorrectly according to MS word – I guess if you’re a TV personality, you can have your name added to spell checkers! Neat!
Alright, so back on track now… I was thinking of instituting a similar process, but in my thinking, I was considering changing it slightly to help me develop as a person. It might be good to have sections like: Something New (learning), Something Old (application), Something Neat (daily story?), Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual), Something Physical (what activity did I do?) Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?), Something Relationship (notes from my relationships), Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).
It seems like a longer list than I thought it would be, but lets see what it would look like (I’ll include Amanda’s/Oprah’s list as well…) Here goes!
First Things First
I like the effect of Journaling – It’s a nice way to reflect on my day.
Sleep Log
Um, got up at noon (was up till 5 or 6 am yesterday so I only got 6 hours of sleep.) Planning to go to bed right after this – it’s 2:36 AM right now. I did get to take a nap this evening, but I have no clue how long it was.
Humor
John and I were talking about the potential skits associated with winning the Home Incentive Promotions – Like doing parody songs or movie scenes… That was entertaining to put a cleaning twist on songs like Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice…
Struggle
Communicating my interest level clearly without hurting others (in reference to the relationship I have with Helen. We went to Costco today, and I just didn’t have a hang out be social type aura to me.)
Beauty
Hmm… I don’t think I recall anything right off… I guess I did see a nifty little mazda mx8 or something like that – a little red sports car for broke people I’d guess.
Kindness
I was nice to take Helen to the Post Office and to the Bank before going to Costco.
Classes
I don’t really have any, though I was thinking of approaching the homework that is associated with the PADM class that I took over the summer. I also need to review that homework.
Goals for Tomorrow
Attend my little Brother’s graduation. And be nice with the family – even if it leads to dinner or other activities.
Something New (learned)
Goofed around looking at the registry of my computer and found some neat spots – though I only disabled some startup services and removed some registry entries for startup items.
Something Old (what did I apply?)
Hmm… Dunno.
Something Neat (daily story?)
Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual)
Something Physical (what activity did I do?)
Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?)
Something Relationship (notes from my relationships)
Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).
Ack, having too many items really leads me to not want to write any more… I guess I’m already 2 pages in almost so I’ll just call it good at that. It’s 2:44 am now. I’m planning to get up at 8:30 am.
G’night!
Day number two in a row! Neat!
Alright, briefly about the day… Went to work, was distracted a lot by dreamweaver, though that wasn’t entirely bad cause I’m learning about CSS. It has lots of potential, but there’s certainly a learning curve. I talked with Heather (?) for about an hour today. She’s the one with arthritis and a conspiracy theory against computers. That was neat. It was nice to share with her, though I don’t want to give an impression that I’m interested. I would be alright with getting to know her I suppose… She’s set high standards that would be good to learn from. Went to talk with Dr. Shepro today about orthodics. He, of course, is biased about his strategy and it seems that Patrick is naturally biased towards his training. I went ahead and set up time to meet with Patrick which was nice. It was at the end of the day, so that gave a little leeway for asking questions about whatever I could think of. Basically I took away that I don’t really need orthotics, but it is most important to stretch out my calves and quads… I am really tight there (duh.) From there I had ultimate, which naturally was a good time, though I was tiring more easily than I had been expecting. I had a collision with Anna that rolled my ankle slightly and my thumb/wrist pain decided to act up, so I ended up calling it quits a couple points earlier than everyone else. I then walked to Breeze In to return Anger Management. It was a good movie, but not really my style, some of the humor was a bit rough. Not crude, just not really my style. During the walk over there Helen wanted to talk, so we did – the entire hour that I was there! I actually was hoping to get some CommuniKate in, but that didn’t happen.
Right now, it’s 12:18, so I think I’m being consistent with my sleeping patterns I suppose. I have to be at work tomorrow at 7:30 so I’ll be going to bed here shortly.
More thoughts about the relationship thing with Helen… Well, I keep getting the feel that I am going to be breaking up with her, though I don’t really want to run from something that I should be addressing in the course of the relationship – namely the sexual aspect. In talking with Bill & Sharon, it’s pretty obvious that the next step that I need to pursue is what I want to accomplish, and how breaking up (or staying together) might support that direction. Sound advice, but naturally, not the easiest to follow.
Alright, so that’s enough for the moment – I’m headed to bed. G’night.
Wow. Time flies. So it’s 12:32 in the morning, and I thought I’d do some thinking before I went to sleep this evening. Helen and I are having ‘relationship troubles’ and I’m trying to figure out what I think about the whole situation. I went over to spend a little bit of time with her this evening since she was really frustrated about things last night, so we chatted a bit, and then read out of a new book about heaven and what it might be like, then I asked her if she’d go down on me – as a joke – but she said yes… What a tangled web we weave. I left from her place (she’s housesitting in the valley) and went to Bill & Sharon to chat about where I’m thinking of heading with this relationship.
I’m inclined to call it done. The thing about it though is that I need to know what I’m doing it for. I need to have goals that I am aiming for that this choice will facilitate. For instance, if I am looking to become a stronger man, I need to develop some way of tracking the things that I have done towards accomplishing that item.
I think my present goals of ending the relationship would be to alleviate the challenges that I run into with communicating with Helen… I find that I am a much more logic driven individual while she likes to chat about her emotions, feelings and responses. Not a whole lot of fun when the hackles come out to protect/defend your own position.
On one hand, I think it’d be nice to be able to have friendships with other girls. It seems very restricting to only have Helen – due to her jealous nature. Although that being said, I do kinda like her liking me. Yeah, but I don’t like the guilt and the inability to have friendships with other girls…
I think the ultimate factor is that I need to get good at being strong, and being myself… I am using women to justify/please something about myself, and I need to discover and overcome that. Perhaps it is related to my spiritual side and I would like to find God, perhaps it is something less extreme, but either way, if I continue in the relationship, my strength wanes and my commitment doesn’t increase.
This is a life-changing direction. I’m sure I’ll be thinking about this for a few more days.
Time for bed – and prayer to help figure this out.
So yeah, it’s Saturday, and here I am listening to some music (Brittany Spears – Toxic) before getting ready to go off to work. I just installed Dreamweaver MX 2004 – so I look forward to working on some projects which I should be able to commence with now that I’ve got it installed.
Ooh, went to get the mail and found that I had a couple movies waiting for me – Bruce Almighty and The Rookie. I’ve seen both before, but I’ve been working on building a personal library, and they’re both ones that I wanted.
I have to get ready to go to work at one so I’ve gotta run. Time for a shower and then off to work! Ooooh… I still need to do taxes yet this year… ick.
It’s Helen’s b-day! Whee! Though I really don’t know what will transpire due to that. Actually, right now, I think I’d rather take a brief nap – I might even do that when I’m all done with checking my email and writing this entry.
Work was alright today – was semi-busy since Jeff was out sick. I took a little bit longer lunch so that I could cover until 5, but the time taken was well needed. I ran around taking care of deposits/mailing for the Wildes… Whew – if having rental properties is as much effort as I put out the past couple of days, I don’t think I want any (unless they’re excessively profitable.)
I need to call Compaq about my computer to get it all fixed up before the warranty is up. I think I’m gonna take care of my taxes first and then work to back everything up so that I don’t have to rebuild data again… that’s been no good – though I’m so glad that Helen has been willing to do most of the data entry for last year’s finances.
Alright, next I’m onto making starclient work, bleh – more fixing things… I can’t wait till it’s all better.
April 5, 2004
Alright, another day. So I slept in a bit more than I expected, but I still had the chance to get to go to breakfast with Helen – I think it’d be nice if she were a bit more cheery in the morning – I suppose she didn’t get enough sleep last night – though I would bet that it’s more related to attitude.
I am hoping to get a bumped flight today, though it pends having Sharon contact me back before I’m supposed to get on the plane. As it stands, I’m getting into Juneau at 1:40, and then have pickup for Sharon and deposits to handle… I’d like to get bumped, but it means that I’d get into Juneau later this evening or even tomorrow. Ugh.
Sharon gets into Chicago at around 4 pm (1 pm Juneau time. That means that she should be able to get the message and respond before 9 am, right? I hope so.
Alright, another day. So I slept in a bit more than I expected, but I still had the chance to get to go to breakfast with Helen – I think it’d be nice if she were a bit more cheery in the morning – I suppose she didn’t get enough sleep last night – though I would bet that it’s more related to attitude.
I am hoping to get a bumped flight today, though it pends having Sharon contact me back before I’m supposed to get on the plane. As it stands, I’m getting into Juneau at 1:40, and then have pickup for Sharon and deposits to handle… I’d like to get bumped, but it means that I’d get into Juneau later this evening or even tomorrow. Ugh.
Sharon gets into Chicago at around 4 pm (1 pm Juneau time. That means that she should be able to get the message and respond before 9 am, right? I hope so.