Chapter 1p5.
“few…regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why… Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical to justify their … acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been [imprisoned at all].”
It’s true, if we’re all carrying the human condition, we can all be quick to support and encourage through the process; and as much as when we’re attacked, we take a defensive posture to protect our ego, others will be doing the same.
Per the conversation last night: perhaps our interactions with the human condition can be best handled through offering grace to ourselves and others.
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”
So, another question from this: how can I be careful not to react in a defensive, justifying way? How do I avoid having my pride and sense of importance hurt?
Perhaps the answer in their lies in knowing WHO’s I am, rather than what I am based on all of the external input I may or may not receive.
Lincoln had a fairly level response, c1p10:
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
c1p14:
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures pristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
Aha, the question of how to accomplish all of this comes to mind, and here on p14, one take on the answer is outlined clearly:
“…it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. / ‘A great man shows his greatness … by the way he treats little men.’”
And, recall the story of Hoover and the jet that nearly crashed because of the fueling accident. He responds with “character and forgiving” (c1p15):
“To show you I’m sure that you’ll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow.”
What a phenomenal way to help a person grow through the experience of mistake and correction. Many times, we’ll find that the person in error is already in a self-condemning place. Why not encourage, support and love them into a place of functionality. Further, if a person does not find fault in their own action, why would our efforts of criticism help them change their mind. Perhaps it would only raise the anger and bitterness of them and certainly wouldn’t enable growth and good feelings.
c1p17:
“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’ / ‘God himself … does not propose to judge man until the end of his days’ / Why should you and I?”
Here’s another answer to to the question of HOW to handle this challenge of being gracious to others in our daily exchange… Sympathy, tolerance and kindness. So, an a word, perhaps Grace is the overarching umbrella of love to cover our friends, family and fellow fleshbags. 😉
The culminating principle: “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”
I just finished reading the first couple of chapters from How to Win Friends & Influence People and in the second chapter, it begins with highlighting the fact that we’re creatures who are excited to pursue our innermost greatest desires: the desire for importance. Carnegie further clarifies that there are some basic needs that we have. As the book reads:
Some of the things most people want include:
- Health and the preservation of life
- Food
- Sleep
- Money and the things money will buy.
- Life in the hereafter
- Sexual gratification
- The well-being of our children
- A feeling of importance
For some reason I noticed that number six.
Why is it that, for most of these items, we leave the topics out of the normal dialog throughout our life. Why aren’t we willing to have that as a topic of conversation between “friends” and even with enemies. Is there something to hide from?
I think of the people around my office and these things aren’t spoken of. I spend time with “friends” and find that the line of conversation rarely gets into this topic. Interestingly, I do find that folks from the world wide stage; a stage in the public eye, no less, is where I find people most talking about the above things.
Why is it that the success of life is predicated on talking about those things which we greatly desire? The law of attraction, that’s why. Why is it that common people, in common conversation, are never engaged in a higher pursuit; engaged in pursuing the above list. Talking about it, working towards it, and living it?
I guess I’ll learn to talk about it and live the life that I have always dreamed of.
January 15th, 2010. 5:49am.
I’ve been getting up early and enjoying some quiet time in early in the mornings. I generally aim to be in bed near 10pm (often 11 or midnight), and again up and moving as early as 5. I take my time, have an XS or some coffee, listen to CommuniKate, perhaps a CD, play on the computer, or even do some journaling. For some reason, there’s something mighty cathardic about being up before more of the world gets moving. At the moment all I can hear is the clock ticking away on the wall, and the quiet whisper of the cooling fan on my laptop. I bet if I could quiet my mind enough, I’d hear the refridgerator as well as the networked readynas spinning away.
Lately I’ve started another journey of sorts; Dream Nights were spectacular, and most exciting, I’ve picked up a few nuggets to translate to action. This has been my first week of 4 days off (and subsequently 3 days on) of building the business. It’s been a good experience of putting focused thought effort into coordinating and constructing my business, but there is still a long way to go. It’s given me some reflection time to notice what things I’m doing well, and not-so-well towards the end goals of financial and emotional independence.
I noticed that my self-talk was a bit out of line with the results I’m interested in. I carried self-defeating internal conversations on regarding the responses I might receive when talking with folks out in the world, or over the phone. I’m just at the beginning of that journey, but these realizations have been potent towards action and comfort in walking the quiet track of building myself and others in spite of a busy, and otherwise distracted world.
I’m starting to see the economy of Juneau take a turn. In my own recollection (and with the thanks of a facebook solicitation) I was able to count 44+ places that have gone out of business over the past couple decades – and I’m sure there are more to come. Morris Publishing just filed Chapter 11, and they’re the parent to the Juneau Empire and long-standing Capital City Weekly. Eeeks indeed.
Anyhow, onto my CD, and maybe a little World of Warcraft!
Just got back to Juneau yesterday from the 2010 Dream Night events that we attended. In Bellevue, we attended the Bob & Shelley Kummer and Dave & Jan Severn Dream Night, while in Seattle the next evening we went to see Dean Kosage and Brad & Julie Duncan.
Both evenings were amazing in their own right. Each speaker had their own style and flair and helped paint the dream or provide tools for developing the dream in everyone present. This is a quick post to recap the Top 5’s as prompted by Dean Kosage during his talk…
— — —
Top 5 People who you spend time with?
Is the income of the above people going up or down?
Is the health of the above people going up or down?
Top 5 things that I read:
Top 5 things I listen to:
Top 5 uses of discretionary time:
After 15 minutes with anyone in your house, use 60 seconds to ask their initial impression of what the house says to them. What would they say?
Looking forward, what would I like my future to behold? In order to achieve that, what ought my answers be below?
Top 5 people to hang out with in 2010?
Top 5 things to read in 2010?
Top 5 things to listen to in 2010?
What would I like my home to say?
It’s now 2010. In fact, January 3rd. Tomorrow I head back to the daily grind of working at UAS. I found myself nearly in tears at the futility of it, and the desire to be free of the all-to-frequent torture called “employment”.
That aside for the moment, I thought I’d do some quick journaling of the break and of the last year in keeping with the reflection process that I like to maintain.
First of all, the break. We’ve had 10 days off, weekends included from UAS. It’s been nice to have, and fun to stay up until all hours of the day, get an activity or two in away from the house, and then to spend time with Heather nearly the entire time. We had a chance to watch quite a few movies – mostly rentals (Avatar & Sherlock Holmes in the theater, at $10.50/ticket, interestingly.)
New years was good. We went out to a long dinner at the canton house and proceeded through some of the Glenn Bland Success Methods for planning and scoping the future. Heather is excited about any manner of planning, and I go into it with a more stoic mindset, but nonetheless, it was a good experience to talk about what we see for ourselves and our future. I took a few notes, of course, but don’t have my notebook nearby, so I can’t regale you with them now. After dinner, we came back to the house for a bit, and then ended up heading out to West Glacier trail with the Wildes crew. Generally, we spend new years doing some sledding at the Mendenhall Visitor Center area, but this year, there wasn’t any snow for us. Instead, it was remarkably cold, crisp, and had an incredibly bright moon that was casting shadows from anything it could get it’s reflected light around. I took a few pictures from the ice, and then a couple of group shots, and we called it a night.
Christmas was mostly good. I really enjoyed the process of pouring out fun and useful things to Heather. I might have gone a bit over the top in trying to get everything from her list, but of all the ways to have error in the process, that’s a good one. She was very thoughtful to me as well with things like a bike repair stand, an apple wireless access point, books, etc. She was on the receiving end for several books, gloves, socks, a chair (if it ever comes) movies, cooking items, and probably more. We even went above and beyond in designing and sending out a 2010 calendar with my photos for all of our friends and family. An order of 25 goes a long way. I think we only have 3-4 more.
2009 has treated me well. It feels like largely it’s been a blur. I can recall that in April, we got engaged (insert blur effect here) and then in June, married. That whole process was incredible, and a great example of what’s possible to two people when the dream is the driving motivator. We had tons of friends and family, and were able to have an incredible experience of love and connection with each other and our friends.
So, June happened, it was good. Blur some more. In September, Heather and I departed for our first-of-many honeymoon. Juneau to Seattle to San Francisco to (blur more) Memphis. It was absolutely wonderful to spend quality time with Heather and also with the Wildes on the road across the nation. We had some memories made, and some fun had, all with the joy of a 30+ foot RV. I’m still working on the photo album afterwards.
After the honeymoon, things seemed to have blurred by. We have been going to church at the Juneau Christian Center, and further had fun with the McGoey’s in a small group setting aimed towards improving our marriages. Interestingly, we are sparse to connect; I’m not sure if it’s based on mis-matched schedules, or if it’s another mechanism, but for the 3-4 times we’ve met, we’ve been talking about it for most of the year.
A little bit of benchmarking:
Technology in the house:
I’m not really sure what else I might want to note, but at just near 1000 words for this post, I think I’m doing pretty good for a recap. Let’s hope and pray and act as though 2010 will be the best year yet.
-cb
It’s just after 3am on a crisp December morning. It’s my birthday; a celebration of 29 years of experiences, joys & challenges, victories and defeats.
For some reason, this morning, or last night rather, my mind was drawn to the writings that Bill had passed to us on our wedding day 6 months ago. I realize that my life has been forever altered, and I realize that I’m more excited about that prospect now than I was then. What a pleasure to realize something so significant.
So, this morning, after sneaking out of the room just before 3, I went in search of the Readings of William. I grabbed them, sat down, and proceeded to clear out my inbox (thanks be to Facebook for soliciting all manners of comments.)
In my first reading, it’s Leo Buscaglia talking about Buckminster Fuller. I don’t know either of the gentlemen, but I have heard a quote or two from Leo centering around love. This particular passage that Bill had marked was (as I interpret it) about finding ones true self so that they could therefore share this joyful and unique person with another. Buckminster notes that we are not our bodies at whatever poundage we might currently reside, we are our minds, and that is a miraculous reality.
Specifically, I’m captivated by this line from the introduction to Mr. Fuller by Leo:
I, for instance, want you in my life because without you, my life will never be complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give me, just as I must find the me of me. Why do I read? Why do I travel? Why do I listen? Why do I care? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you — that’s the only purpose for having it.
What a great summary of why we’re here. To give to others, to learn from others, but only insomuch as to have collected into ourselves so that we can give it away.
…
It’s my 29th year on this earth, and I’m still searching for meaning. I have found and decided on love, and while my carnal self continues to pull me away from love, I have been better and better at exhibiting it. It’s an interesting journey to be sure, and while I don’t understand much of it, I’m excited for the next 29 years.
In the year of 2009, I have achieved the following:
…
For some reason, I’ve run out of steam on this particular post. I’m sure over the next few weeks I’ll be doing more pondering and have the chance to articulate the things I’m learning more clearly, but for now, that’s today’s b-day installment!
Best of wishes in your unique and miraculous live ahead.
-cb
Thanksgiving (yesterday) was a good day. We hosted it at the McGoey’s residence on Steelhead and throughout the day we had these folks come by:
Cody & Heather
Rekann Keppinger
Nick Henderson
Alex Marvel
Herbert Law
Carmen Musser
Carmen’s mother
Pat & Christin Grieser
Joe & Kristin Grieser
Robert, Heather & Connor Swanson
Scott, Emily & Alden Lockie
On the menu?
(only the * means not homemade)
Green Bean Casserole
24 lb turkey, with a bacon lattice covering,
Stuffing (meat and veggie)
Gravy
Spinach Salad
Yams/Sweet Potatoes
Apple Pie
ice cream*
Cranberry Apple chutney
Pumpkin Squares
Dinner Rolls*
I was up at just before 5, even before my alarm went off and I got to work on the stuffing. I didn’t really have any particular recipe that I was following; instead I took a look at several recipes online and kinda made it up as I went. I don’t know that it was a great mixup, but it was edible. Next up, latticing the turkey, and getting it in the cooker. That was easier than expected, but after I had the turkey in the cooker giving me a 8 hour window, I heard that the timing would only need 1/3 to 1/2 the time. 🙁 I had the bummer feeling of knowing that the turkey would be a little overcooked, but in the end, it went over well.
The apple pie recipe was pretty easy, but it’s incredibly important to follow all of the steps… I had missed the fact that I was supposed to pour the juice through the latticed top, and then the second time around (I made two) I had missed adding water to the sugar mixture, so it meant that I didn’t get the right consistency to the mixture. Go figure – I had to remake that batch.
The cranberry chutney was easy, and tasty. I have had the recipe for a while, but this was the first time I put it together. Very nummy.
On a separate note, the guests were good to have. We had a total of 18 people throughout the night, and I would wager that most of them were great additions. I found that having Heather Swanson and her son Connor present was a bit draining partly due to her harsh tone and reactions used to manage connor. No doubt she loves him, but her style is painful to watch.
All in all, it was a great day and fun to cook furiously. The fridge is quite full, so we’ll be eating leftovers for a while yet. 🙂
Till later,
-cb
Today at church, there was a fellow who happened to be a missionary overseas, first within Indonesia, and now in Belgium. It must be an interesting life to live… I wonder about how one develops their living expenses and the like, but without getting too caught up in the details, I thought I would make a quick posting about the message he left with us.
Though it was a winding and interesting introduction which gave me the impression that he was largely looking at other christians as not good enough or rebirthed enough or something, he eventually landed on the premise that what we need to pursue as Christians and living our walk was simply to breath into others with compassion. He brought a great perspective of using Jesus’s example on earth as a mechanism to articulate how Christ never was demeaning or judging of people at his command; that he was a servant leader and truly compassionate towards their plight.
Christ is compassionate, and as we also work to be compassionate, we show another side to the world. Too many people judge. Too many people live without compassion to their friends, families and loved ones. Too many people live without compassion to the strangers and folks who they do not know well. The live without the love the Christ gave for us.
An interesting thought… How can one (myself) be more compassionate in daily activities? Rather than seeing someone as running down the wrong road, climbing a fruitless ladder, why not see them through eyes of compassion and joy in who they are, who they are created to be, and who they were created by. Having compassion for their present place in the journey empowers and exposes others to a love which we all seek out.
So yeah, let’s put it on thick with the trowel of the spirit: compassion with a double portion, spilling over into the lives of those we come in contact with. Heck, even insomuch that we can be compassionate to ourselves and our closest loved ones.
How do you help people? Should you help them? How do you encourage people to grow themselves?
When other people ask those questions about me, how would I hope they respond? Should I tell them to continue pressing on? Should I tell them to give up hope? Push harder? Be gentler? What tactic works best to create the best instance of me?
When other people come into my life and find themselves sharing their load and burdens with me, what’s the best way I can handle the situation? I know that the best vehicle and tools that I have ever seen are to be found with worldwide and amway global. There is no close second. If I know that, why do I continue to hold back from reaching out to those I don’t know (or even those I do) to help encourage them to become better and more, and to abandon their present path, even though they cling to it from familiarity.
I just finished sitting with Sterling and Alex who relayed their concerns and challenges about a variety of topics, and the thing I kept thinking was simply that Bill had chatted with me yesterday very simply about the “Power of Association”.
I am destined for greatness. I am capable beyond all understanding. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Who am I to not be great? God has made me, and he done good.
And here I sit, late into the evening, and wondering still about my purpose; concerned at the divergence of purity and dilution. Do I keep on the straight and narrow, or do I venture off into the weeds and vines and get caught up with all that the Lord has left out of his picture. I know that He wants the best for me, and I want that too. It’s a trying experience to be so worldly, and to know that I’m destined for more. It leads people to guilt, not to lay down in His presence.
So again, I ask what shall I do with this hand I’m dealt. I live a moderately functional life, I know that I can have more, and I dearly want those I love and care about to want more for their lives too.
I want to be proud of the man that I am, and where I am going. If I sit quietly aside and watch my life head nowhere in particular, I’m left with the twang of pain and remorse and regret from the lack of action. Bedsores in life. I want to be a man who strives valiantly towards a greater good. To free the captives, to free my wife, to free others who want more out of life. Freedom Enterprises. Corny? Important.
And now we get close to 1am, and I’m still here typing. For some reason I’ve been thinking furiously and want to know that I’m a good man. My absence from work today was simply to hopefully recharge my spiritual batteries and to make an effort to fight the good fight. I spent 4 hours reviewing various worldwide talks from Maxwell, Tsika, and more and yet my heart still needs a burst of love and support from those I lean upon for love. I think I’ll just crawl into bed and cuddle with my wife and quietly wish for the strength to step out on faith and do the terrifying so that I can give her what she so desperately deserves.
So, for me, good night. For you, good day. And for all, good luck.
With love, sorrow, hope and more,
-Cody