Okay, maybe it’s not anger… maybe it’s more of an unrest or frustration that is just beneath the surface of my life…
I think about how all it takes to do great things is to take action (not even good action) in the direction that I want to go, and if I’m consistent with it, I’ll achieve whatever goal I might have.
I sit hear and type while Heather lays town to sleep next to me. It’s a Friday evening, and she’s restless with discomfort of being sick over the past few days, and trying to get some sleep to recharge for the weekend. Her breathing is heavy, thick almost, with congestion. I don’t think I’ve been anything but cross over the past few days, and I can’t really place why. It’s not that I’m upset with her… Perhaps it’s just myself… not being as productive as I would like to be. I feel frustrated by silly little things, like her breathing, and not really understanding what pain exists in my life that contributes to this sliver under my nail.
Midnight, and Bill had another plan tonight. 3 guests, all Oscar’s, I believe. I attended, with suit, with downline, but no new faces. It’s high time to get active, to expose this model to others, to thrive in helping other people achieve their goals – whether it be saving money or doing amazing things in the next few years to revolutionize their entire lives and their families future to come.
Activities for tomorrow are not planned to any degree other than a set activity of watching a cool dance performance in the evening. I want to make some progress with Britteny’s wedding album – 30’ish pages, with a variety of photos. I want to make some progress with Sophie’s photos, just to get them in a final place. I have many photo projects to finish… Time to get some done.
Further, I want to progress my business; calls to downline, offering my assistance, sharing my love, casting a vision of the future in spite of this uncertain economic time. I want to grow my business, making calls to people who have not yet seen the business model – as a goal to sit down and see the model. To grow my clientelle, reaching out to people’s needs – whether that be a superior product or just the benefit of Airline Miles. It’s a matter of reaching out and building relationships. Calling those people I haven’t called yet. Those people who may not yet be close friends. It’s about building others and helping them see the greatness in themselves. It’s about seeing the greatness with me.
Well, it’s midnight, and I’ll be getting up early to pursue some of these lofty plans towards various points of success. Staying true to my dreams will pay off in the end. I will (and am) breaking through those paper walls that exist in my life to find my freedom, prosperity and joy on the other side.
I had a good (and long) talk with Bill this evening… It ranged from products, to values, to business, and so forth.
I think the most significant thing I took away was some dialog we had regarding a recent observation that he made suggesting that I might want to look at myself to make sure that I’m as generous as I would like to be (aka not “stingy”). It’s been something that I’ve been grinding on for some time now, and it was nice to chat some to ask clarifying questions about.
I guess the crux of the issue is that it all is within the spirit. It’s not so much the dollar amount, or the dynamics of the interaction, as it is that I want to give the other person the better part of the deal… To give them the better seat at the table, as John Maxwell puts it.
Bill was reminded of a story that I think of regularly… of Brad Duncan visiting Ron Puryears house and finding a Mercedes covered in boxes, and generally going unused. It still had the sale stickers on it in fact. As the story progressed, Brad found out that Ron paid full retail for the car and of course reacted vehemently claiming that was the wrong choice and that he could have saved money. As it turns out, Ron had a different view… “Listen here, young man. I live in this community, I care about my neighbors and friends. If you can’t afford to pay the retail cost, then you have no business buying it in the first place!” (of course, this is paraphrased, but it brings up a good point… We’re here to bless others, not to horde things for ourselves. The Lord is uniquely concerned with our well being, and if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, than who are we to think that were are outside of his watchful eye.
I really liked some of the clarifying and repurposing questions that Bill asked throughout the talk:
So, if the spirit is really one of generosity, what actions will exist? Who do I know who I consider to have a generous spirit? Toby Coate? Pat Shier? Others?
…Let’s see… what else can I chat about?
Oh, regarding business development, (mostly through Heather’s prompting) I gave Christine (& Tim) a couple cans of XS for the vitamin B & folic acid goodness. She seemed enthused, and I’m really hoping for her sake that it helps to meet the needs… Energy and nutrition. Stress is a factor for her at her work place, and my heart goes out to their family while they are expecting a child soon.
Well, I’m thinking that some sleep would do me well. Tomorrow I aim to be the best me I can be. To give to others without concern for what I might receive in return. To be a man of integrity, worth, value, and love; showering generosity to all whom I come in contact with. I will be an excellent human being, giving the benefit of the doubt to people who I feel wrong me.
G’nite!
-cb
“You” by William Wildes
A bulletin he posted the other day; it’s a good reminder to us all to reflect on the miracle that each person is, inherently, no matter what the world has tossed our way, or how we may have reacted to it. Read on.
You are much more than you believe you are. You have the seeds of greatness planted in you. As I sit here fighting to keep a cold from my body. Five children spread out every where with no place for me to sleep. Looking at the relaxed way they sleep feeling snug and secure. I am thinking about you my friends. How did you grow up? Where you taught to believe in yourself? That you are a child of god? Do you still believe? What I am proud of is not how well I handle my life now. Or what ive overcome or accomplished in my life. Its that these children feel safe. All children need and deserve a safe place to just be themselves. How can we impower more adults to let go of the lies we were taught? See the greatness that we were born with? Soon it will be a new year. What will you do with it? I pray that you and I take in great input so that we will become our best. We cannot give away what we do not have. You were born a miracle. Never forget that. What you do today matters. What we do in this life really does echo in eternity. Have a truly blessed Christmas and make this coming year the very best ever.
Another post by blogger, Bradley Wolgamott:
people usually say that it takes money to make money. well, i do agree that money will help in starting a company, but there are things that are way more important than money when it comes to making your company and life a success.
you must have the following 8 things in order to move on. Read the rest of this entry »
Another blog entry from bradley wolgamott:
there is no such thing as an ordinary moment and there is never a time where nothing is going on. always remember to focus on the moment. what time is it? now! where are you? here! we can so easily be consumed by the glory or pain of our past. it can run and ruin our lives. we can also be paralyazed by the uncertainty of the future. have a dream of the future but remind yourselves to stay in the moment. there are no ordinary days or moments. there is always something beautiful happening. stop and pause and look for it. there is beauty everywhere! goodness is like the sun, always present, adding value, makeing things grow, warming our lives, creating oxygen yet all the time just waiting for us to pause and watch it melt into the ocean. to stop and pause and say thanks, to appreciate all the good it did that day. goodness is like this. it is always there but we rarely stop to appreciate it like a beautifull sunset. yet it will show up the next day on time and on cue to add value to everyones life. be graefull and appreciate the beauty of each day, the goodness in mankind. there are no ordinary days, stop and pay attention every day to the beauty of our world. the next time you feel pressure or grief or get caught up in a situation, stop and take it all i and be greatfull for the joy that life brings every day.
grief is our over stimulated imagination of what may happen or has happened. there is no value in this. look around and take it all it in at the highest level. in doing so you will soon forget the emotions you are dealing with and you will be free to truly live.
Journaling
June 12, 2007
Tonight I had a revealing talk with Mika about my predilection towards ambiguity in relationships. At one point, she mentioned that someone else had described me to have predatory behaviors.
It’s a heavy thing to hit. Fortunately the delivery was gentle and wanted. I trust Mika’s heart, and in that process, she was able to communicate some strong things. For instance, she asked when I would be done with this “learning” that I purport to be in? How long will it take? And if I say that I am learning, or if I say that I am working on it, where is the reality that I have what I speak? When will I speak that I am through the trials?
I think the thing that I realize is mostly that I am deluding myself to believe that I am “protected” by my ambiguity. I say that I am not dating, which allows me freedom to cast my seed to the wind, but simultaneously, I rob myself from the blessings of commitment, pride, and self respect.
Mika is mindful of the dynamic of having a single female in her business spending much solo time with me – what is it about me that I tend towards that can open those paths?
Tonight even, Emily was flirting with me on the Ultimate field. I was kissing Heather, and yet I found myself flirting with Elly. When will it stop? How will I find the urgency to make the one decision that I need to anchor myself?
John Maxwell talks in Today Matters about the idea of making the decision once and managing it daily. Have I made that big decision? Can I articulate it clearly? What about other decisions in my life? Alcohol, drugs, smoking? Those are easy. The stumbling blocks that I cling to? What about those?
The last entry I had talked about knowledge and authority equating to power. I have been given the power to lead my life as I see fit. What big decisions would I be wise to make? (Spirituality? Relationships? Integrity?)
I remember clearly listening to Brad Duncan talk about hedges. About developing, and watering, and growing hedges of protection to be set out at the far edges of my land – to help maintain boundaries for myself, as well as protection from outside dangers. How am I doing that now? Am I developing hedges?
Journaling
June 6, 2007
From opening a past journal entry from May 30, 2006, I read that I was under the suspicion that Helen might be pregnant. I’m a year out, but still having sex with her. Sigh.
Heather and I have been developing, but I have a hard time with maintaining chastity. I’m reading (and rereading) a book that I picked up from the Goads table at Spring Leadership named “Man’s Greatest Battle”.
In it, they hit upon a point that has been hovering in my consciousness for the past few days. It explains the challenge and then gets to the point of making a decision, and then very clearly outlines the following: We have the Freedom and Authority to make any decision we’re so inclined. What we are lacking at any given moment is Urgency.
How does one drive things to the urgent list? How do I make my business urgent? How do I increase the urgency of things that are important to me? How can I break my bad habits through identifying the urgent requirement of change?
Freedom + Authority = Power.
I have the power. I just need to DECIDE and follow through.
I’ll close for now, but this subject is far from complete. I’ll have to touch upon it some other time.
Last night, Bill mentioned (mostly in passing) that most people, if they were to plan their homes to match how they plan their lives, would live in nothing more than a cardboard box.
That, of course, leads to many questions about my dream pursuit:
-cb
It’s amazing how time can just slip by. It has been a week since my last entry. Right now I’m headed to Ketchikan for their Staff Development Day. I brought my Bible along and opened to Mark 8:34, “…whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” This leads me to questions:
From listening to Brad Duncan repeatedly, I am reminded that I can only choose one of two ways:
I can’t help but think that Mark 8:34 is a prescription for Happiness. Why is it we are naturally disposed towards pleasure?
I want to be a man of strength – one who is an example for his family, friends, & association.
-cb
Today I had the privilege to sit in on a leaders webcast done from Brad’s House. He talked about a number of things, but a couple stick out. (see more notes in my OneNote notes).
First, Brad mentioned the importance in journaling. Not writing in a diary, but documenting learning experiences and impactful information. It brought to mind that I would be wise to reinvest in learning – CORE can become a legalistic occurrence and thus the value in decreased dramatically.
Second, he talked about conflict resolution, which wasn’t so much focused on skills/tactics, but the meanings behind conflict and the overall desire to “win the man” rather than the war.
Also, most of my day was spent intermittently constructing tracking sheets. It was nice to recommit & reconstruct the information – I look forward to it being faster from consistently doing them.
Lastly, I really simply need to be real with people & dissolve my no-talk rules. I hurt others by keeping my mouth closed.
That’s all for now.
-cb