Okay, so another day down. Work at the helpdesk was good, nothing unique to report other than my training of Holly. It was good, though I like training when contacts are coming in.

Another good thing was that we talked about our interlude. I suppose we were both aware that it might be awkward working together. I found that she wasn’t upset with me, and that is good. Right now the air is cleared. We’ll see what happens. Adriana backed out of climbing at the rock dump… that was lame. In retrospect, I gave her a real hard time about that. I want to do that less (give hard times.) Perhaps we’ll go soon. I think Friday is the planned time.

Tyson gets back tomorrow. Oh my gosh. It’s been 2 years already! Yikes. I wonder what he will think about my activity level. I hope he is graceful about it. I’d guess he would.

Helen paged me today, just a little note/msg to let me know that she loves me. I wonder what love means.

I still might go to fairbanks in a couple of weeks. I’m waiting for a guy at statewide to get back to me about it. Hopefully I’ll know more tomorrow.

I talked with Eric for a while today about the housing arrangement… It seemed to go well, but we’ll see what happens with Amanda. I wish there was some easy way to accomplish everyone’s desires. Likely not, but it’d be kinda neat.

Tomorrow there is a Pohl BP here. I need to use some time to clean, and maybe do some dishes too.

Oh today I found out that I have female sperm. I guess all guys have it, but needless to say, I was a bit surprised.

Well, I’ve still got some reading.

Night!
-Cody

January 27, 2002

From the Gray Journal

Hmm… so I guess it’s a good thing that I include the year in my datings. At this rate, I’ll finish this Journal by the year 3037. Oh well, at least I’m writing again.

My Explorer has been troubles for me recently for some reason, it wouldn’t hold a charge well enough for me to start the engine. I know I should proably get it looked at, but it’s just as easy not to.

Eric mentioned today or maybe yesterday that he was interested in entertaining the idea of his girlfriend living with us. I don’t know about it… I sent a msg to Bill asking for some input.

Work will likely get a little more interesting… Holly, from my past, is working at the helpdesk now… Actually so is Sandlin, but I am looking forward to that.

It’s been really cold for the last few days… I think the highs have been in the 20’s. I’m not real keen on it and apparently neither is my car.

Things with Helen are good. I’m trying to comprehend the differences between lust and love, and have more of the latter. I miss her a lot, but also, I need to be mindful of my future family, so I don’t fee right about going to visit, though it sure would be fun. I wonder if there are any web specials…

Tyson Kearns gets back from his mission on Thursday, and I have mixed feelings on the matter. I think it’s more the guilt about being “apostate”. I love that I have had so many questions answered, but also I find some things hard to connect with possibility. Also, because there is so much misunderstanding, I don’t want to create differences and disagreements on spiritual matters in my business.

Speaking of business, I need to get my license. Also my tax stuff. Ungh. For some reason, I have an urge to just be lazy. I need to get out of that.

Anyhow, enough for the night. I have mwork at 8:00, and I want to get there early. It’ll be a busy day. Goodnight.

-Cody

June 21, 2000
From the gray journal.

This is the beginning of a beautiful thing. this summer will be one of a life time & thus I wanted to notate it as much as possible. I have several things that I need to write about before I started this collection of experiences. I think it would be prudent to speak of myself, my perspectives, my relationships, my mentalities & my actions so you have a clue of what was going on around this time.

Okay, so I am 19 what else? Currently I am working for Gray Line of Alaska and Best Western. At grayline I am doing biking and walking tours as well as abaggaged duty from time to time. I’m making $8 an hour & then getting tips as well. With 40+ (40-45) hrs/wk its full time but with the hourly so low, I ent to find more cash with Best Western. With them, I am the van driver, they have ten hr shifts so definitely OT hours but beyond that, there is good tip $.

There have been a lot of new people that I have met this summer also, quite a few of them LDS as well, I will include some pictures in this collection for posterity so you’ll have to hold out until then.

Before I forget, the following is a list of things I need to write about soon in this book. They are:

* Mendenhall Lake Hoosh (a wednesday night)
* East Glacier Trail (Bushwhacking & Losing Joe)
* West Glacier Trail (to the face in the wet)
* Windfall Lake Trail (the cabin boardwalk paradise)
* Herbert Glacier Trail (Animals & darkness)

For now though, I will continue with the stuff about me. More specifically the girl realm with me. Some day I willl look back at all of this and laugh. Seemingly each day I become more experienced when it comes to physical interaction with women. I don’t think I can come much closer to intercourse w/out having sex. It is my decision that I am at the apex of what I will experience before marriage. In terms of liking girls I definitely do let me give a break down of who I like & what is and will happen with them. Mika I have admitted that I love her, knowing myself that my love is an unexplained admiration of her qualities. She is currently dating Spencer Wood, but if I didn’t know that from conversation it would be hard if not impossible to tell so. Girls I like or would enjoy dating or courting are Heidi, Annie, Caroline and maybe Serenity Franklin (once she gets considerably older.)

===

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The post ends there, but I thought I’d note some reflections of my comments from 2000. I frequently spell definitely as “definately”, Girls are still a bit confusing, and I’m often distracted easily. I changed jobs to UAS IT Services… And speaking of which, I’m at work, so I’d better get back to it (and I’m out of things to comment on.)

Due to the depressive-ness of being alone, I plan to list out what I want in a partner.

What I Want in a Partner:

• emotional support
• ability to change over time
• reliability
• responsibility
• honest
• straightforward
• humorus
• imaginative
• intelligent
• willing to improve any flaws
• beautiful
• fun
• loving relationship (love)
• ??

1. will want for life
2. don’t know
3. won’t want when older

Right now, I plan to look into Crystal Novotney, Olivia Lee, Mara Early?. I know Crystal knows how I feel about her. She is committed to Andy. I think I should move on. Olivia is fun to be around & craves a lot of the things I do:

• someone to hold
• a relationship
• (me) –> sexual based (not sex), making out and so forth
• someone to be held by

I admire Crystal because of her looks, moods (happy, sad, confused), almost a blonde approach to life, honesty, pity (she lost virginity before 16), smart (not really academically), quick witted, fun, emotional. I admire Olivia for her intelligence, resposibility, quietness, openness, honesty, and the fact we’re both interested in the same things (see previous). I like Mara for her commitment to what she has her mind set on, her playfullness, honesty, and friendlyness. I’ll try Olivia, see if I can at least get her to go out with me. I’d like to make out with someone to learn what it’s like although breaking maybe more troubles than its worth. Life can be fun, it can also be a pain, it’s up to the liver to determine what the quality of life will be. I think it was last thursday, I talked to crystal – we covered the fact that I love her, the realm of religion, and smaller items which I can’t recall. She invited me to go to church w/her I am kind of kicking myself that I didn’t take her up on her offer it may of provided a door to her life. It definitely would have been cool seeing where she was coming from. Maybe I’ll look into it when I have a g-friend so that I can go to learn instead of going ’cause of love or an attempt to get into her heart. Unfortunately from what I have heard, she is set into her ways. (not something I want) I will work on finding someone that meets the criteria listed earlier in this entry. Recetnly I got into chatting on the internet c-sex can be fun and exciting and chat can be a way to find answers and sometimes give answers. Both of which I’m working on. Got to hit the hay… later — Today we had superbowl XXXI – Green bay packers vs. New England Patriots the score = 21-35 green bay —

Two days ago I was on a chat line and gave ‘cyberhead’ to some girl, now I’m catching hell. Everybody seemed to think that I was so innocent yet they had no idea what I am really like. My ‘chatting’ caught them off guard and surprised them so now they give me a hard time about it. Recently Mara & Chester’s relationship has gone to hell, Mara’s depressed – she loves him deeply and he says to go away & leave him alone. The catch is he still loves her. & is being a real asshole about it. He thinks that it would be better for her if they split up. Both she & I think otherwise. Me, now, am worried about Mara & what will become of her – but no progress is being made towards my ‘love’?, Crystal. Also today I met with Larry & he gave me a run through on my procedure tomorrow. I will try to get together with him right after lunch, then I will do my first set of standards, solutions, and expiraments. Candace is almost taking my advice to stay away from Beamer. I said almost because today he received an email message from her. Over the chat line I met a 24 yr old in South Africa. She has been giving me advice on life in general. She is amazed at the fact that I’ve never made out with anyone. She seems to be a great person. She goes as Venus over chat but told me her email address so that I may question her that way. Unfortunately whenever we talk that she never asks questions unless they clarify more about me, it seems so 1-sided. I sometimes feel uncomfortable about that but I’m glad I found someone that I feel confortable talking to about these subjects —

I had to find a ride to and from school today as a result from the tiff yesterday. Today was a decent day anyway. It seems that Raliegh, for the most part is recovering from Lisa and even though both Mara and Chester were depressed this morning, they are back together now. I suppose one of the cooler things this weekend are that I have my first practive. Another cool thing is that although when you add it all up, I have lots. I don’t seem to have much difficult (or much) homework.  At this point, I’d like to get into Phoenix Sunday unless my practice tomorrow is at Marie Drake.

Just got done fighting with my mom about going to a board plan of Chris’! Apparently I perceived, said, & understood everything wrong so she’s mad, well “upset” that I am forcing her to go. Originally she said that she didn’t want to go because shane would then have to stay home alone which she didn’t like the idea of, but I kept on and suggested that I stay home with Shane while she go alone. Next she argues that I should go just as much as her. That was that. Now she refuses to not go, but going with her attitude would be counter producttive in my opinion. Off of that subject, I’ve been sick for awhile but yesterday I threw up at the Laundry & Shower place before schoo. I went to school anyway, even though I had the option of staying home which I turend down. Today I’m feeling a lot better, but my nose is still stuffy. During project period Eli drove us out to Auke Bay Labs & we got a tour and some advice from Larry Holland, our sci fair proj helper as a direct result from that meeting now we have 50 grams or 500 grams of L-ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) and the knowledge that using fruits in our expiraments would involve using a 100K & up work of equipment (a bad idea) so he showed us some other options. Also in the past 3 days, I have had 3 people ask for advice on what to do about relationships. The first one was Raliegh Morris & Lisa Mitchell; by today it fell apart. The second was Candice Seils & Nathan Harris. She found out that he might go out with her later on just not right now. The third was between Mara Early & Chester Carson. I’m not sure of the outcome as of yet, but after their talk after lunch he was in a bad mood. As for my relationships, I’m much better at being a friedn. Yesterday I found out what soccer team I’ll be on – an extremely crappy one aside from three other kids including Mike Jackson, Miles something-or-other, Andrew Lawrence and myself. It will be more enjoable to ref at this point. My big project that is due beyond semester isn’t yet done. Other than that, I’m doing fine… Academically that is. —