June 6, 2004
I think it’s more like the 5th since I haven’t yet gone to bed for the night, so that might be another consecutive day… If so, cool! (the other possibility is that the other entries were also in the same late night setting so they were actually tracked as the following day…)

Anyhow, during the last entry, I was thinking that a technique that Amanda Sauro used when doing her weblog. She had different categories that she put down and then spoke to each of them with the recap of the day. She had: First Things First, Sleep Log (just when she woke up and went to bed), Humor, Struggle, Beauty, Kindness, Classes, and Goals for Tomorrow. If I recall correctly, she got the idea from watching Oprah. Even stranger, Oprah is not spelled incorrectly according to MS word – I guess if you’re a TV personality, you can have your name added to spell checkers! Neat!

Alright, so back on track now… I was thinking of instituting a similar process, but in my thinking, I was considering changing it slightly to help me develop as a person. It might be good to have sections like: Something New (learning), Something Old (application), Something Neat (daily story?), Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual), Something Physical (what activity did I do?) Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?), Something Relationship (notes from my relationships), Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).

It seems like a longer list than I thought it would be, but lets see what it would look like (I’ll include Amanda’s/Oprah’s list as well…) Here goes!

First Things First

I like the effect of Journaling – It’s a nice way to reflect on my day.

Sleep Log

Um, got up at noon (was up till 5 or 6 am yesterday so I only got 6 hours of sleep.) Planning to go to bed right after this – it’s 2:36 AM right now. I did get to take a nap this evening, but I have no clue how long it was.

Humor

John and I were talking about the potential skits associated with winning the Home Incentive Promotions – Like doing parody songs or movie scenes… That was entertaining to put a cleaning twist on songs like Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice…

Struggle

Communicating my interest level clearly without hurting others (in reference to the relationship I have with Helen. We went to Costco today, and I just didn’t have a hang out be social type aura to me.)

Beauty

Hmm… I don’t think I recall anything right off… I guess I did see a nifty little mazda mx8 or something like that – a little red sports car for broke people I’d guess.

Kindness

I was nice to take Helen to the Post Office and to the Bank before going to Costco.

Classes

I don’t really have any, though I was thinking of approaching the homework that is associated with the PADM class that I took over the summer. I also need to review that homework.

Goals for Tomorrow

Attend my little Brother’s graduation. And be nice with the family – even if it leads to dinner or other activities.

Something New (learned)

Goofed around looking at the registry of my computer and found some neat spots – though I only disabled some startup services and removed some registry entries for startup items.

Something Old (what did I apply?)

Hmm… Dunno.

Something Neat (daily story?)

Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual)

Something Physical (what activity did I do?)

Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?)

Something Relationship (notes from my relationships)

Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).

Ack, having too many items really leads me to not want to write any more… I guess I’m already 2 pages in almost so I’ll just call it good at that. It’s 2:44 am now. I’m planning to get up at 8:30 am.

G’night!

I think it’s more like the 5th since I haven’t yet gone to bed for the night, so that might be another consecutive day… If so, cool! (the other possibility is that the other entries were also in the same late night setting so they were actually tracked as the following day…)

Anyhow, during the last entry, I was thinking that a technique that Amanda Sauro used when doing her weblog. She had different categories that she put down and then spoke to each of them with the recap of the day. She had: First Things First, Sleep Log (just when she woke up and went to bed), Humor, Struggle, Beauty, Kindness, Classes, and Goals for Tomorrow. If I recall correctly, she got the idea from watching Oprah. Even stranger, Oprah is not spelled incorrectly according to MS word – I guess if you’re a TV personality, you can have your name added to spell checkers! Neat!

Alright, so back on track now… I was thinking of instituting a similar process, but in my thinking, I was considering changing it slightly to help me develop as a person. It might be good to have sections like: Something New (learning), Something Old (application), Something Neat (daily story?), Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual), Something Physical (what activity did I do?) Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?), Something Relationship (notes from my relationships), Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).

It seems like a longer list than I thought it would be, but lets see what it would look like (I’ll include Amanda’s/Oprah’s list as well…) Here goes!
First Things First
I like the effect of Journaling – It’s a nice way to reflect on my day.
Sleep Log
Um, got up at noon (was up till 5 or 6 am yesterday so I only got 6 hours of sleep.) Planning to go to bed right after this – it’s 2:36 AM right now. I did get to take a nap this evening, but I have no clue how long it was.
Humor
John and I were talking about the potential skits associated with winning the Home Incentive Promotions – Like doing parody songs or movie scenes… That was entertaining to put a cleaning twist on songs like Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice…
Struggle
Communicating my interest level clearly without hurting others (in reference to the relationship I have with Helen. We went to Costco today, and I just didn’t have a hang out be social type aura to me.)
Beauty
Hmm… I don’t think I recall anything right off… I guess I did see a nifty little mazda mx8 or something like that – a little red sports car for broke people I’d guess.
Kindness
I was nice to take Helen to the Post Office and to the Bank before going to Costco.
Classes
I don’t really have any, though I was thinking of approaching the homework that is associated with the PADM class that I took over the summer. I also need to review that homework.
Goals for Tomorrow
Attend my little Brother’s graduation. And be nice with the family – even if it leads to dinner or other activities.
Something New (learned)
Goofed around looking at the registry of my computer and found some neat spots – though I only disabled some startup services and removed some registry entries for startup items.
Something Old (what did I apply?)
Hmm… Dunno.
Something Neat (daily story?)
Something Spiritual (did I do anything spiritual)
Something Physical (what activity did I do?)
Something Emotional (what emotion do I recall from the day?)
Something Relationship (notes from my relationships)
Something directional (goals for tomorrow or otherwise).

Ack, having too many items really leads me to not want to write any more… I guess I’m already 2 pages in almost so I’ll just call it good at that. It’s 2:44 am now. I’m planning to get up at 8:30 am.

G’night!

June 3, 2004

Wow. Time flies. So it’s 12:32 in the morning, and I thought I’d do some thinking before I went to sleep this evening. Helen and I are having ‘relationship troubles’ and I’m trying to figure out what I think about the whole situation. I went over to spend a little bit of time with her this evening since she was really frustrated about things last night, so we chatted a bit, and then read out of a new book about heaven and what it might be like, then I asked her if she’d go down on me – as a joke – but she said yes… What a tangled web we weave. I left from her place (she’s housesitting in the valley) and went to Bill & Sharon to chat about where I’m thinking of heading with this relationship.

I’m inclined to call it done. The thing about it though is that I need to know what I’m doing it for. I need to have goals that I am aiming for that this choice will facilitate. For instance, if I am looking to become a stronger man, I need to develop some way of tracking the things that I have done towards accomplishing that item.

I think my present goals of ending the relationship would be to alleviate the challenges that I run into with communicating with Helen… I find that I am a much more logic driven individual while she likes to chat about her emotions, feelings and responses. Not a whole lot of fun when the hackles come out to protect/defend your own position.

On one hand, I think it’d be nice to be able to have friendships with other girls. It seems very restricting to only have Helen – due to her jealous nature. Although that being said, I do kinda like her liking me. Yeah, but I don’t like the guilt and the inability to have friendships with other girls…

I think the ultimate factor is that I need to get good at being strong, and being myself… I am using women to justify/please something about myself, and I need to discover and overcome that. Perhaps it is related to my spiritual side and I would like to find God, perhaps it is something less extreme, but either way, if I continue in the relationship, my strength wanes and my commitment doesn’t increase.

This is a life-changing direction. I’m sure I’ll be thinking about this for a few more days.

Time for bed – and prayer to help figure this out.

So, how do you know what true love is? Is it okay to base a relationship off of something that isn’t true love? So many people do that, so many people seem oblivious to those truths.

I want to have a fantastic relationship, so I roll with the punches, and take the good with the bad. It seems that even though I’m interested in making the best of any situation, that sometimes, that simply isn’t good enough for the other person.

Here I am sitting at home, nearly one in the morning, and Helen just left, upset. We had a talk about future type things where she hinted that she wanted a relationship where I was something different than I am – talk about the future, about buying houses, and so on. She compares me with Scott (Mindy’s Scott) and I don’t know how to accept that – on one hand, I recognize that I’m not him, on the other hand, I’d like to meet some of Helen’s needs/wants.

We had a bit of a discovery today that perhaps we don’t love each other. I don’t really know what to think about that – on one hand, it might just be something that I’ve been thinking all along, but not wanting to call anyone on it – I recognize that we’ve been sleeping together, being selfish, hoping to have our “needs” met without thinking of how to meet the other person’s needs.

I want to love others, yet I know that isn’t possible if you don’t love yourself. How do you love yourself? You see value and worth, and understand that there is so much more to that other person.

— she came back—

hmm… Now it’s closer to 2 am…

She came back and asked if it was alright if she break up with me.

What am I supposed to do with that? What is the right thing to do? How quickly can I resolve the issues surrounding our relationship? What things are holding me back from being better at loving her?

I suppose on one hand, that it’s not so bad that she’s breaking up with me. I now have the ability to pursue other relationships, to flirt and date and build relationships without remorse. Heather, Brook, Heidi, Patricia, Lacey, all of the above seem to come to mind of people that I’d have the freedom know get to know better.

I am nervous of breaking up because I don’t want to gain the impression that I’m losing a battle – I want to be stronger than that, I want to provide for whatever needs might come along.

How do you find the right person? What do you look for? The willingness to change, the humilty, the selflessness… How can I be more selfless – how can I look to her to be the knight in shining armor, to be the one love that she’s known where without a doubt at all, that I am the one to provide that to her.

Do I want to break up with her? I don’t know.

Alright, I’m going to bed now.

3/25/04

Where do I want to be in 2-5 years?

Married, free from debt, have control of money, as well as control of time. I want to be able to travel. I want to have a home at [location]. I want to be the earned head of my family, both financially and spiritually. I want to be the priest of my family, to lead them both in this world and spiritually. I want to be an over-comer of those things that are naturally stumbling blocks to me. I want to have the resources to put money into cause I believe in (alternative schooling, youth ministries, outdoor leadership education, at-risk youth development and more.) I want ot be able to travel the world and learn of the situations where people are hurting. To come to the determination that there are things in the world that need more time and money put into, and to place my resources there. I want ot be a four-pillared man that puts his action where his mouth is. My word is my bond. If I say that I will be there, I will be there, unequivocally. On the outside of that time frame, I want to be a father. I want to be developed enough as a person to be able to coach a person in this world. I want to be the example as a father and as a husband. I want my friends and peers to use me as the benchmark, to look to me for an example of how to do it right. I want to have control over my emotions, to be able to choose which ones I participate in, to know which feelings are useful, or not. I want to be able to have the toys, but not sink all my time into them. I want to have the best friendship with my wife. To be the one that she looks to all of the time, not just when things are good or things are bad. I want to show love to my family. To support them in all the things that they want to do. To provide the dream homes for my mother and mother-in-law; to be the best buddy of my father-in-law. I want to go on fishing trips around the world with him, or to show him his dreams. I want to be able to treat my brothers; to have the resources to get to know both Nicholas and Shane in a way that I have yet to imagine; to be the ideal brother. Provide the resources that they might be able to pursue their dreams. To help them learn to succeed, to help them understand the process. I want to lead other people to the Lord by my example, my Christian walk, and my ministries. I want to be able to have the bills paid in yearly sums. I want to provide for my family in such a way that we can focus on the things that are important to us, and not the burdens or stresses in life. Later in life, I want to be my children’s hero. I want them to be able to look up to me and know that of all the people in the world that they want to be like me, and want to follow in my footsteps. I want to have friends that I feel comfortable to have my wife around because I know their integrity and love for us.

Where do I not want to be in 2-5 years?

I despise the idea that I would still be working. I hate the idea that perhaps my wife could be working. That I have not changed as a person so that as a father and as a husband, I am a weenie, and I only help to continue the disfunctionality passed on from generation to generation. I hate the idea that I will not be in control. That someone could tell me what to do. It would be horrible to be controlled by my emotions. It would be atrocious to be unfaithful to my wife or to my God; that I continue to lie to myself without recognition of those false truths. That I never get to know my brother more than I already do, that my mother continues in her situation without help or support. That she continues to be emotionally driven, right into the ground, and she decides that she will keep working for ever and ever. To be in a situation where I lie to others, I commit sin, and I draw others away from the presence of God; that I am still living paycheck to paycheck or Friday to Friday. It would be my worst nightmare to recognize that I have thrown away an opportunity to do great things in my life. To accept a life of mediocrity, to give up on all the things that are good and right and true. To wake up one day and recognize that all of these things have come true, while my dream-world continues to dwindle away into nothingness. That someone pops my big rubber yellow ducky in my pool without me noticing it. To maintain an association of people that bring our spirits and dreams down to the low state that the happen to be in that day. To be around people that cut others down, that are crude and unaware of the impact that they could have on the world.

Hmm… The strangeness of being me…

So here it is theree days before Family Reunion.  Helen, Jon, and Jason will be there. That’ll be neat.

Few interesting things that have been happening over the last few days that make for a lot of introspection.

1. Big Penguin
   1. I don’t really see that this could go anywhere.  I’m all mormon, and I like that (though I have challenges in my life that would qualify me as not so mormon). She’s catholic, but a cool gal.  What would that do for me?  She has some direction, but different spiritual life, and a nearly cynical outlook on life.  I think it stems from her friendship with JH and KM.  I get the distinct impression that she’s all about having the feel good relationship thing, but I don’t know about her willingness to change as much as relationships (especially with me) would require.
2. Foggy Crystal.
   1. So what the heck…  go from talking almost daily (I think…) to not at all.  It makes me wonder if I did something to offend her…  Should I be apologizing for something? She’s a great lady, with lots to offer in a relationship, but again, the cute ones always seem to look for the bad scenarios…  Thinking of which, I’m sure that I could be considered a bad scenario.  It is Tuesday, and with the frequency of her working on her computer, I would imagine that she has seen the email, which would also mean that she is ignoring the response.  I suppose that it would sufficeth to say, “Oh well.”  We’ll see where that relationship goes…  I don’t see me mingling much with her group of friends…  I’m not all about the drinking scene.  Go figure.  It’d be nice if people would address why they do the things that they do.
3. Virgin Mary.
   1. Yep, I bet that’s a true one.  Good for her.  So I’ve made many mistakes.  It makes me wonder if I can change my heart enough that I would be able to be worthy of someone who has chosen to save themselves for their husband.  Would I be able to be strong enough?  That’s the toughest part.  Mary seems like a cool gal, but I don’t really know what more to make of her.  Seems that she has developed a slight case of bitterness towards guys in general since things went not so well with David. It’d be nice to get to know her, but I really don’t know where to start that one. Besides, it sounds like she is interested in leaving Juneau for good just to get back to her home land so that she can have the good feelings again. I don’t blame her since she’s contemplating a Mission. That’s awesome.  I wonder if I could meet the specs to attract a return missionary.  How the heck do I change my heart that much!  I can only do it with Christ. I like that, but it can be a hard thing to release the control that I have.
4. Spanish Class
   1. Hmm, that was an interesting evening…  I will have to thank her for her honesty and the willingness to chat with me.  I don’t really get much of a chance to share those frustrations with anyone.  Seems like most are biased in some way or another. It was nice to try to share the fact that I’ve found things within the language, that really are attractive, and that are great commodities. I only hope that the reaction will be mature, rather than some sort of disappearing act.   That’d suck.  Also about that, how do you bridge the culture differences?  The different peers, the desires out of life, and the fact that they have desires to be places that are warm. What to do, what to do.  Lunch will be good tomorrow.  I wonder what’s to eat.
5. Japanese Gardens
   1. I here there are deep meanings to those things.  Very contemplative, and very serene.  I see a lot of those same qualities in this one.  Answers come quickly and are clear, however, in the amreican version, the ground seems to be muddled, and so the seeds have difficulties pushing through the challenges of the local soil.

I have screwed up so many times, and I really just want things to be alright. I look at the idea of sharing something great with a person that I love, and I am drawn to Helen.  I don’t know that she is the one though.  I don’t like the fact that our relationship is riddled with doubts, and that the forgiveness process seems to also be related to ghost stories (the dang things never die for reals.) She’d take my hand, but could I take hers?  What would be required of me to be able to do that? I look at the things we’ve shared, but I don’t see quite as many of the happy times, just because the entire experience has been riddled with me being dumb, or there being some sort of lacking communication going on in the relationship.

It was very potent to point out that I’ve never really been sold out to my relationship.  I wonder why that is.  I haven’t really seen the sold out side in any of my pursuits that I’ve had. Perhaps it’s just the train of thought that I’m presently in, but I really don’t see the things that I’ve been able to follow through on and complete.  Most of it seems to taper at some point, and in lots of the situations, it fades completely.

And then I have married people soliciting their single girlfriends to me, and I don’t turn it away. Why is that?  What am I looking for?  What the heck do I think I will find.

The most important thing about a spouse is the abilty and desire to change. Do I hold that myself?  If I say that I do, do my actions back it up?  Does my girlfriend desire to change herself?  Do I facilitate that situation?  So then it comes back to me, and here I am again, lacking in some way or another.

I get the impression in my own mind (not as though it’s an answer) that it’s healthiest to break up with Helen.  She deserves someone who is committed totally to the relationship, and not some guy who looks for opportunities to test the waters of the community.  I’m not even in the aquatic field!  I work with computers! Grr.

So I’ve punched away and come up with a  couple pages of comments.  It’s running up on 12 am now, and so I’m going to call it a night.

I pray, hope, desire, and thirst for a knowledge of how to best handle this situation, and the possible pain that it could bring to my life, and to the life of those that are close to me.

Good night,
-Cody Bennett

I love people.

I know that people are weird, but life is good.

I recognize that this is a numbers game and I just have to play it to the end… Perhaps it’s just like the variable rate burn for the string. I may find all the aces in the first four cards, but they also may be in the end. It’s all about consistency.

Lots of things on my heart right now. Lots of love. I recognize that the reason that I am here, that I am doing all of this, is that I have no other options. In order for me to treat my wife first class, in order to provide her with the very best things in life, I must discipline myself to do the things that may or may not be comfortable.

There are so many hearts out there that desire more out of life.; that recognize that there is more than just holding a job, maintaining a living. It is my mission to release them from the bondage that they would otherwise be condemned to receive, wither that entrapment be currently or in the future.

I look into peoples eyes and see so much more than what they see when they look into the mirror. It is my purpose to breathe life into those individuals who are lacking in their own hearts. It amazes me the intensity that people cling to the things that they are associated with.

I look at all the people around me, and they are no longer in looking to prosper, but to survive.

SURVIVAL,
STABILITY,
SUCCESS,
SIGNIFICANCE!

To prosper in life is to spill over the good in your life to the life of others. It is my mission to help people prosper who have ceased to do so. Many are hurting, many need the love of a Man to show them the way that they can become. So many people are developing and have a drop of hope in their souls that we must capture and develop until it is something of a falls coming forth from their mouths and hearts. Everyone was born for greatness, and because of my presence, more and more will be empowered to achieve it! In helping those who are currently at the stage of Survival, I am here to help them prosper to the extent that they are interested. In doing such, I will not only attain success, but to an extent, Significance.

Before the next function, I AM GOING EAGLE. I am forming my eagleship in the course of 30 days. This process holds a two fold purpose:

1. I will have no other explanation for my abilities but to place my accomplishment in the hands of God.
2. I will no longer be able to accept the excuse that I, or anyone else, are unable to perform such a feat.

I know that when I put my mind to a goal, I can achieve it. My CORE streak was started with a decision, my reading of the Book of Mormon was started with a decision, my winning of the artistry contest was made through a decision. This is another one that will be accomplished through that same process.

This run will be a run of numbers. I will track closely the successes and failures, and hope to receive the failures. Those letdowns will not be negative at all, but instead, uplifting experiences that allow me to go forth and find something more out of life!

All successful people are not successful because of talent, but because of persevearance. I am a man of resolve that shall not be shaken from this endeavor.

In thirty days, I will show an overview to 30 different people. Some will be ones that I know currently, but more likely than not, it will be people that the Lord brings into my path. God intends for me to prosper, and as such, He will bring all the people into my life that I will need to accomplish this goal.

No excuse will compete with my resolve to accomplish this task. I will be stronger, faster and smarter than any opponent who dare divert my attentions.

My business comes first, my relationship with Bill and Sharon second, Helen third, and friends fourth.

This goal will provide me with the following results:
1. Greater confidence within myself.
2. A respect from those people around me.
3. The privilege to work with Brad Wolgamott directly.
4. The privilege to sit in the Eagle Section at FED and future functions.
5. The privilege to attend the Eagle Only functions – both in Juneau and at major functions.
6. The greater responsibility to server. (I grow as a man and a server.)
7. Financial rewards from business development.

At eagle I will reward myself with a new camera.
At double eagle, I will reward myself with a new video camera.

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be able to roll over and kiss my wife, and snuggle in closer rather than get up and hit the streets with the need for chasing the dollar.

I refuse to allow money to control and dominate my life.

I want my kids to be able to know that their father is a champion of life. I desire my wife and children to see me as a hero in their lives.

I will leave a financial and spiritual legacy for the Bennett family.

I will be able to provide for my family in a first class way.

My mother will have the best possible care available when the time comes.

My brother will be able to pursue any of the desires that he has as an adolescent and young adult.

originally written 7.28.02 – how time flies…

June 21, 2000
From the gray journal.

This is the beginning of a beautiful thing. this summer will be one of a life time & thus I wanted to notate it as much as possible. I have several things that I need to write about before I started this collection of experiences. I think it would be prudent to speak of myself, my perspectives, my relationships, my mentalities & my actions so you have a clue of what was going on around this time.

Okay, so I am 19 what else? Currently I am working for Gray Line of Alaska and Best Western. At grayline I am doing biking and walking tours as well as abaggaged duty from time to time. I’m making $8 an hour & then getting tips as well. With 40+ (40-45) hrs/wk its full time but with the hourly so low, I ent to find more cash with Best Western. With them, I am the van driver, they have ten hr shifts so definitely OT hours but beyond that, there is good tip $.

There have been a lot of new people that I have met this summer also, quite a few of them LDS as well, I will include some pictures in this collection for posterity so you’ll have to hold out until then.

Before I forget, the following is a list of things I need to write about soon in this book. They are:

* Mendenhall Lake Hoosh (a wednesday night)
* East Glacier Trail (Bushwhacking & Losing Joe)
* West Glacier Trail (to the face in the wet)
* Windfall Lake Trail (the cabin boardwalk paradise)
* Herbert Glacier Trail (Animals & darkness)

For now though, I will continue with the stuff about me. More specifically the girl realm with me. Some day I willl look back at all of this and laugh. Seemingly each day I become more experienced when it comes to physical interaction with women. I don’t think I can come much closer to intercourse w/out having sex. It is my decision that I am at the apex of what I will experience before marriage. In terms of liking girls I definitely do let me give a break down of who I like & what is and will happen with them. Mika I have admitted that I love her, knowing myself that my love is an unexplained admiration of her qualities. She is currently dating Spencer Wood, but if I didn’t know that from conversation it would be hard if not impossible to tell so. Girls I like or would enjoy dating or courting are Heidi, Annie, Caroline and maybe Serenity Franklin (once she gets considerably older.)

===

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The post ends there, but I thought I’d note some reflections of my comments from 2000. I frequently spell definitely as “definately”, Girls are still a bit confusing, and I’m often distracted easily. I changed jobs to UAS IT Services… And speaking of which, I’m at work, so I’d better get back to it (and I’m out of things to comment on.)

Two days ago I was on a chat line and gave ‘cyberhead’ to some girl, now I’m catching hell. Everybody seemed to think that I was so innocent yet they had no idea what I am really like. My ‘chatting’ caught them off guard and surprised them so now they give me a hard time about it. Recently Mara & Chester’s relationship has gone to hell, Mara’s depressed – she loves him deeply and he says to go away & leave him alone. The catch is he still loves her. & is being a real asshole about it. He thinks that it would be better for her if they split up. Both she & I think otherwise. Me, now, am worried about Mara & what will become of her – but no progress is being made towards my ‘love’?, Crystal. Also today I met with Larry & he gave me a run through on my procedure tomorrow. I will try to get together with him right after lunch, then I will do my first set of standards, solutions, and expiraments. Candace is almost taking my advice to stay away from Beamer. I said almost because today he received an email message from her. Over the chat line I met a 24 yr old in South Africa. She has been giving me advice on life in general. She is amazed at the fact that I’ve never made out with anyone. She seems to be a great person. She goes as Venus over chat but told me her email address so that I may question her that way. Unfortunately whenever we talk that she never asks questions unless they clarify more about me, it seems so 1-sided. I sometimes feel uncomfortable about that but I’m glad I found someone that I feel confortable talking to about these subjects —