I just finished reading the first couple of chapters from How to Win Friends & Influence People and in the second chapter, it begins with highlighting the fact that we’re creatures who are excited to pursue our innermost greatest desires: the desire for importance. Carnegie further clarifies that there are some basic needs that we have. As the book reads:
Some of the things most people want include:
- Health and the preservation of life
- Food
- Sleep
- Money and the things money will buy.
- Life in the hereafter
- Sexual gratification
- The well-being of our children
- A feeling of importance
For some reason I noticed that number six.
Why is it that, for most of these items, we leave the topics out of the normal dialog throughout our life. Why aren’t we willing to have that as a topic of conversation between “friends” and even with enemies. Is there something to hide from?
I think of the people around my office and these things aren’t spoken of. I spend time with “friends” and find that the line of conversation rarely gets into this topic. Interestingly, I do find that folks from the world wide stage; a stage in the public eye, no less, is where I find people most talking about the above things.
Why is it that the success of life is predicated on talking about those things which we greatly desire? The law of attraction, that’s why. Why is it that common people, in common conversation, are never engaged in a higher pursuit; engaged in pursuing the above list. Talking about it, working towards it, and living it?
I guess I’ll learn to talk about it and live the life that I have always dreamed of.
Chapters 1-2 quick read was exactly that. 31 pages in as many minutes. The initial summary that I would offer is:
* never criticize, condemn, or complain
and second,
* always uplift and encourage to inspire cooperation and enthusiasm from people.
On to other tasks!
After dreamnight I made an effort to take a look at my reading energy and to work to make it more intentional. Upon response to my solicitation for what books to be reading, Bill suggested some of the basics, intended to improve people skills now for speedy growth and volume.
80% reading about winning with people. (Take eyes off my self and put them on other people).
Basic books on personal development.
Take eyes off self – build myself up inside so that the internal scripts change; attack scripts
Being Happy
Stuff that increases your skillset to create volume now.
So, today I’ll be reading from How to Win Friends & Influence People.
275 total pages.
1 week = 40 pages/day
2 weeks = 20 pages/day
3 weeks = 13 pages/day
4 weeks = 10 pages/day
I want to WIN. I want to grow. I want to move on I have a vision for my life, a motivating factor: bringing my wife home from work, bringing myself home from work, being engaged in the process of success in my life!
I will read 40 pages/day for the next week and take notes on the materials. More than likely, this will take me an hour a day – where possible I will study before going to the office, or during a lunch time so as to not be withdrawn from my relationship with Heather nor to get in the way of business development.
Let’s get started with the introduction:
Intro: 9 suggestions to get the most out of the book:
1. A burning desire to increase your ability to deal with people.
To develop the urge, repeat over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
2. Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a brief eye view of it and then go back and reread it thoroughly.
3. Stop reading frequently to think about the materials.
4. Mark the book up with a highlighter or pen.
5. Review regularly, even after the book is completed.
6. Apply the rules outlined in the book at every opportunity.
7. Offer my spouse a dollar each time she identifies me violating a certain principle.
8. Review your week.
Ask yourself…
…what you did well
…what you did poorly
…how could I improve
…what lessons did I learn
9. Record triumphs in the back of the book, be specific, including names, dates, etc.
The book has 30 chapters. With the suggestion of reading and then re-reading, it may be valuable to adjust the time scale. If I aim to read the book in 15 days, that equates to two chapters per day. If I am aggressive about reading and re-reading, I’ll follow a sequence like:
Day 1: Quick read of ch 1-2
Day 2: Thorough read of 1-2, quick read of 3-4
Day 3: Thorough read of 3-4, quick read of 5-6
…repeated…
This seems like it lends itself best to the retention of the materials. Ingrained repetition, agreesive pace and personal victory lie ahead!
Heather came downstairs this morning with a hurt look in her eye, and in talking about it, she explains that it hurts that she has been pursuing me for the last several days and yet, we have not had any sex in that time.
This is such an interesting situation. I love her dearly, find her remarkably attractive, but find myself more deeply enjoying the side-by-side time at the moment.
I read from “for men only” by jeff feldhahn and find that only 1 in 4 relationships tend to have this dynamic. For some reason my sex drive is less than hers. Maybe it’s that hers is stronger than the average, but if I had to pin it down, I’d say that mine was misplaced.
I still struggle with fidelity of my eyes; I engage with pornography each week. Depending on the week, it’s 2-3 times or so. I can only imagine that this dilutes my vision of my wife.
I love her deeply, more so than I ever have before. I am committed to her, for life, more than ever before. I desire to make her dreams come true, and yet, because of this transgression, our relationship suffers.
Is it that I enjoy release? Is it that sex can be awkward? Is it that I am afraid of being thought unmanly? Is it because I am looking for things that I will never be able to find? How is it that other men have narrowed their vision? How is it that I can filter my thoughts to be solely for her?
January 15th, 2010. 5:49am.
I’ve been getting up early and enjoying some quiet time in early in the mornings. I generally aim to be in bed near 10pm (often 11 or midnight), and again up and moving as early as 5. I take my time, have an XS or some coffee, listen to CommuniKate, perhaps a CD, play on the computer, or even do some journaling. For some reason, there’s something mighty cathardic about being up before more of the world gets moving. At the moment all I can hear is the clock ticking away on the wall, and the quiet whisper of the cooling fan on my laptop. I bet if I could quiet my mind enough, I’d hear the refridgerator as well as the networked readynas spinning away.
Lately I’ve started another journey of sorts; Dream Nights were spectacular, and most exciting, I’ve picked up a few nuggets to translate to action. This has been my first week of 4 days off (and subsequently 3 days on) of building the business. It’s been a good experience of putting focused thought effort into coordinating and constructing my business, but there is still a long way to go. It’s given me some reflection time to notice what things I’m doing well, and not-so-well towards the end goals of financial and emotional independence.
I noticed that my self-talk was a bit out of line with the results I’m interested in. I carried self-defeating internal conversations on regarding the responses I might receive when talking with folks out in the world, or over the phone. I’m just at the beginning of that journey, but these realizations have been potent towards action and comfort in walking the quiet track of building myself and others in spite of a busy, and otherwise distracted world.
I’m starting to see the economy of Juneau take a turn. In my own recollection (and with the thanks of a facebook solicitation) I was able to count 44+ places that have gone out of business over the past couple decades – and I’m sure there are more to come. Morris Publishing just filed Chapter 11, and they’re the parent to the Juneau Empire and long-standing Capital City Weekly. Eeeks indeed.
Anyhow, onto my CD, and maybe a little World of Warcraft!
Just got back to Juneau yesterday from the 2010 Dream Night events that we attended. In Bellevue, we attended the Bob & Shelley Kummer and Dave & Jan Severn Dream Night, while in Seattle the next evening we went to see Dean Kosage and Brad & Julie Duncan.
Both evenings were amazing in their own right. Each speaker had their own style and flair and helped paint the dream or provide tools for developing the dream in everyone present. This is a quick post to recap the Top 5’s as prompted by Dean Kosage during his talk…
— — —
Top 5 People who you spend time with?
Is the income of the above people going up or down?
Is the health of the above people going up or down?
Top 5 things that I read:
Top 5 things I listen to:
Top 5 uses of discretionary time:
After 15 minutes with anyone in your house, use 60 seconds to ask their initial impression of what the house says to them. What would they say?
Looking forward, what would I like my future to behold? In order to achieve that, what ought my answers be below?
Top 5 people to hang out with in 2010?
Top 5 things to read in 2010?
Top 5 things to listen to in 2010?
What would I like my home to say?
It’s now 2010. In fact, January 3rd. Tomorrow I head back to the daily grind of working at UAS. I found myself nearly in tears at the futility of it, and the desire to be free of the all-to-frequent torture called “employment”.
That aside for the moment, I thought I’d do some quick journaling of the break and of the last year in keeping with the reflection process that I like to maintain.
First of all, the break. We’ve had 10 days off, weekends included from UAS. It’s been nice to have, and fun to stay up until all hours of the day, get an activity or two in away from the house, and then to spend time with Heather nearly the entire time. We had a chance to watch quite a few movies – mostly rentals (Avatar & Sherlock Holmes in the theater, at $10.50/ticket, interestingly.)
New years was good. We went out to a long dinner at the canton house and proceeded through some of the Glenn Bland Success Methods for planning and scoping the future. Heather is excited about any manner of planning, and I go into it with a more stoic mindset, but nonetheless, it was a good experience to talk about what we see for ourselves and our future. I took a few notes, of course, but don’t have my notebook nearby, so I can’t regale you with them now. After dinner, we came back to the house for a bit, and then ended up heading out to West Glacier trail with the Wildes crew. Generally, we spend new years doing some sledding at the Mendenhall Visitor Center area, but this year, there wasn’t any snow for us. Instead, it was remarkably cold, crisp, and had an incredibly bright moon that was casting shadows from anything it could get it’s reflected light around. I took a few pictures from the ice, and then a couple of group shots, and we called it a night.
Christmas was mostly good. I really enjoyed the process of pouring out fun and useful things to Heather. I might have gone a bit over the top in trying to get everything from her list, but of all the ways to have error in the process, that’s a good one. She was very thoughtful to me as well with things like a bike repair stand, an apple wireless access point, books, etc. She was on the receiving end for several books, gloves, socks, a chair (if it ever comes) movies, cooking items, and probably more. We even went above and beyond in designing and sending out a 2010 calendar with my photos for all of our friends and family. An order of 25 goes a long way. I think we only have 3-4 more.
2009 has treated me well. It feels like largely it’s been a blur. I can recall that in April, we got engaged (insert blur effect here) and then in June, married. That whole process was incredible, and a great example of what’s possible to two people when the dream is the driving motivator. We had tons of friends and family, and were able to have an incredible experience of love and connection with each other and our friends.
So, June happened, it was good. Blur some more. In September, Heather and I departed for our first-of-many honeymoon. Juneau to Seattle to San Francisco to (blur more) Memphis. It was absolutely wonderful to spend quality time with Heather and also with the Wildes on the road across the nation. We had some memories made, and some fun had, all with the joy of a 30+ foot RV. I’m still working on the photo album afterwards.
After the honeymoon, things seemed to have blurred by. We have been going to church at the Juneau Christian Center, and further had fun with the McGoey’s in a small group setting aimed towards improving our marriages. Interestingly, we are sparse to connect; I’m not sure if it’s based on mis-matched schedules, or if it’s another mechanism, but for the 3-4 times we’ve met, we’ve been talking about it for most of the year.
A little bit of benchmarking:
Technology in the house:
I’m not really sure what else I might want to note, but at just near 1000 words for this post, I think I’m doing pretty good for a recap. Let’s hope and pray and act as though 2010 will be the best year yet.
-cb
“Good for you!”
I’m sitting in the waiting area waiting to get on the plane headed to Anchorage for a BBBS Board Meeting. It’s interesting to hear people nearby sharing their travel plans and in the case of a vacation, the dominating response has been, “good for you!”
Why is it that it’s Good For Me to not be at work, to take time off? If it’s so good for me, why do we spend so many hours and days and weeks and months and years throwing our time at this thing that it’s Good fFor Us to be away from?
I think that largely, people don’t want to have a job. People want to expand their horizons and to explore their surroundings. They want to suck the marrow out of the bones of life and to become more and more connected to the world around them. And on the topic of connection, why is it that we spend so much time seeking connection, and yet fleeing from the truth about ourselves and others? It seems that only the rare individual really works to know the “me of me”, as Buscaglia puts it.
Had a conversation last night with Alex. It turns out that she’s still carrying the burden of a past pain. She is clinging to the concept that she could have changed the outcome by saying, “no.” While that may or may not be the case, it’s up to us to let go of the past and work on the present. It’s not our fault, and even if it were, what purpose does it serve?
Anyhow, off to Anchorage.
It’s just after 3am on a crisp December morning. It’s my birthday; a celebration of 29 years of experiences, joys & challenges, victories and defeats.
For some reason, this morning, or last night rather, my mind was drawn to the writings that Bill had passed to us on our wedding day 6 months ago. I realize that my life has been forever altered, and I realize that I’m more excited about that prospect now than I was then. What a pleasure to realize something so significant.
So, this morning, after sneaking out of the room just before 3, I went in search of the Readings of William. I grabbed them, sat down, and proceeded to clear out my inbox (thanks be to Facebook for soliciting all manners of comments.)
In my first reading, it’s Leo Buscaglia talking about Buckminster Fuller. I don’t know either of the gentlemen, but I have heard a quote or two from Leo centering around love. This particular passage that Bill had marked was (as I interpret it) about finding ones true self so that they could therefore share this joyful and unique person with another. Buckminster notes that we are not our bodies at whatever poundage we might currently reside, we are our minds, and that is a miraculous reality.
Specifically, I’m captivated by this line from the introduction to Mr. Fuller by Leo:
I, for instance, want you in my life because without you, my life will never be complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give me, just as I must find the me of me. Why do I read? Why do I travel? Why do I listen? Why do I care? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you — that’s the only purpose for having it.
What a great summary of why we’re here. To give to others, to learn from others, but only insomuch as to have collected into ourselves so that we can give it away.
…
It’s my 29th year on this earth, and I’m still searching for meaning. I have found and decided on love, and while my carnal self continues to pull me away from love, I have been better and better at exhibiting it. It’s an interesting journey to be sure, and while I don’t understand much of it, I’m excited for the next 29 years.
In the year of 2009, I have achieved the following:
…
For some reason, I’ve run out of steam on this particular post. I’m sure over the next few weeks I’ll be doing more pondering and have the chance to articulate the things I’m learning more clearly, but for now, that’s today’s b-day installment!
Best of wishes in your unique and miraculous live ahead.
-cb
Thanksgiving (yesterday) was a good day. We hosted it at the McGoey’s residence on Steelhead and throughout the day we had these folks come by:
Cody & Heather
Rekann Keppinger
Nick Henderson
Alex Marvel
Herbert Law
Carmen Musser
Carmen’s mother
Pat & Christin Grieser
Joe & Kristin Grieser
Robert, Heather & Connor Swanson
Scott, Emily & Alden Lockie
On the menu?
(only the * means not homemade)
Green Bean Casserole
24 lb turkey, with a bacon lattice covering,
Stuffing (meat and veggie)
Gravy
Spinach Salad
Yams/Sweet Potatoes
Apple Pie
ice cream*
Cranberry Apple chutney
Pumpkin Squares
Dinner Rolls*
I was up at just before 5, even before my alarm went off and I got to work on the stuffing. I didn’t really have any particular recipe that I was following; instead I took a look at several recipes online and kinda made it up as I went. I don’t know that it was a great mixup, but it was edible. Next up, latticing the turkey, and getting it in the cooker. That was easier than expected, but after I had the turkey in the cooker giving me a 8 hour window, I heard that the timing would only need 1/3 to 1/2 the time. 🙁 I had the bummer feeling of knowing that the turkey would be a little overcooked, but in the end, it went over well.
The apple pie recipe was pretty easy, but it’s incredibly important to follow all of the steps… I had missed the fact that I was supposed to pour the juice through the latticed top, and then the second time around (I made two) I had missed adding water to the sugar mixture, so it meant that I didn’t get the right consistency to the mixture. Go figure – I had to remake that batch.
The cranberry chutney was easy, and tasty. I have had the recipe for a while, but this was the first time I put it together. Very nummy.
On a separate note, the guests were good to have. We had a total of 18 people throughout the night, and I would wager that most of them were great additions. I found that having Heather Swanson and her son Connor present was a bit draining partly due to her harsh tone and reactions used to manage connor. No doubt she loves him, but her style is painful to watch.
All in all, it was a great day and fun to cook furiously. The fridge is quite full, so we’ll be eating leftovers for a while yet. 🙂
Till later,
-cb