I need to break cycles in kids so that they don’t end up making choices like myself and most of my peers.  Premarital sex, damaging; pornography, heinous; fear, unnecessary; Spiritual life, imperative.  There are so many people that could be helped if only they had broken the cycles ahead of the time that they were gripping.  (they were damaging the whole time.)

1. Eric Peterson: Child molester. Great guy, but allowed for his appetites to cross lines that took him into the unlawful and dangerous.

2. Cody Bennett: look at what he’s got, potential excommunication, premarital sex, struggling inside to do what is right, masturbation as a vice, uncertain of direction, others demanding immediate response to the situations that he has led him into.

3. Helen Imamura: Spiritual blessings withheld because of involvement with Cody. Church membership likely set off because of actions.  Frustrations.  Fighting the world to stick with what she wants, even if it isn’t the best thing for her.  Associations from friends that are damaging and bad examples.

4. Adriana Rodriguez: from an alcoholic family.  Living with boyfriend even with the relationship on the rocks.  Wants what is right, but stuck with what is convenient (housing situations, boyfriends, etc.)

5. Sahra Clark: Emotionally Unsupportive husband.  He’s out late partying, she’s several months pregnant.

6. Mika/Jason Morford: Great folk, but willing to focus on the problem and not the solution.

Hey: Willing to focus on the problem and not on the solution!  What have I been doing!???

Okay off to bed for now.  We’ll continue this more in the future.

-cb; 4.1.03

Alright, my spirit is at such a low point right now that I am not sure it could go much lower. I wish I wasn’t in this situation. I wish I had the strength, I wish this were all just a bad bad dream. As it works out I have screwed with not only my life, my spirit, my success, but other people. My salvation now seems to be hanging in the middle.

I know that what I have done is completely wrong. I don’t really have much excuse. I am consumed with my own frustration and pain from doing things that are in society, unspeakable. I want to be rid of this.

With my going eagle this month, I see this as a plausible tool of an evil power. I know that I will be great, that I will impact many many people in a great way. I think the devil wants me to be in such a destructive situation that I cannot progress. I am stronger than him.

Pain frustration anger, confusion, worry, fear, hurt, anguish, sorrow. Those are just a few of the sensations that I am experiencing now.

Think of the day that I will be forgiven and healed completely of this issue.

Jounal entry

December 30, 2002

So what do I want to say.  It’s 7:27 pm on a Monday night.  I have been wrestling with what to do with my life.  I guess I can just talk about my options and the pros and cons for each.  Here’s the list of options that I’ve been considering (note that most of them are concerning girls…  Go figure.)

1. Officially and unequivocally date Helen.

2. Officially and unequivocally date Shelley.

3. Officially and unequivocally date no one.

Alright here’s the breakdowns for each item (1-3):

1. Officially and unequivocally date Helen.

 2. Officially and unequivocally date Shelley.

3. Officially and unequivocally date no one.

Heavenly Father,

I just finished saying a prayer to you in which I outlined a covenant with you.

I promise to you, and to myself to give up my rights and opinions on the matters of physical relations with women beyond this stated agreement with you:

I hereby refuse to have inappropriate relations with any woman. I promise that in the case of Helen, I will not lustfully kiss her (spend more than 2 seconds involved in a kiss), nor lay with her, nor to touch her in inappropriate locations, with or without clothing.

Heavenly Father, from this time on, I will not kiss any future girlfriend or interest that I have with a woman. I promise to you to keep our relationship as an example to your children as a righteous approach to relationships.

Most importantly, I will keep my thoughts righteous. If I notice a thought come into my mind that is not of you, I covenant with you that I will push it out. If necessary, I will physically leave a situation, or bring the matter up in discussion, regardless of the comfort level present.

Father, I know that this decision and commitment will bring me great blessings in my relationships with women, as well as my relationship with you. I will have a greater interest to serve you, and because of that, a deep rooted desire to serve others. My life, and the lives of those around me will be greatly blessed because of my covenant with you.

Thank you Father for this opportunity, to make yet another decision to keep my life in accordance to your will. Thank you for the change of heart that you are bringing to me stronger and stronger each day.

I love you very much and appreciate the blessings that you shower down upon me when I make covenant with you.

I say these things in Jesus’ name, amen.

December, 8 2002

Dear Heavenly Father,

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten really close to you for your comfort and guidance. That is precisely what I am doing now.

During this time together, please protect me from distractions and provide your Spirit to be with me to strengthen our relationship, as well as to help me to know the things to be discussed.

Heavenly Father, nothing that I bring to you tonight will be new to you. You know all and see all, because of that, this correspondence is for the development of our relationship which has recently been lacking.

Tyson suggested that I speak with you concerning a plan. I like that idea and now ask for your assistance in the production of this plan that I might accomplish a couple different things.

My goals are the following:

1. Grow closer to you and to your chosen church.

2. Be a guide and support to your children.

3. Follow your guidance for my life.

4. Become the very best Cody Bennett that you can mould.

5. Break the bonds of Satan which have previously plagued me.

Tyson also indicated that I could create a plan whereby I could keep up my end, and you would bless me with certain things that I might be able to overcome the challenges that pursue me.

From my understanding, my largest problem currently is the inappropriate relations that I have had with women. I believe this issue has long been developing, so I am thankful for your support in the breaking of this habit.

Pornography has been an issue. Being alone with women has been a problem. Getting physical with girls has been an ongoing curse.

Father, I know that the things I have experienced thus far are all great things inside certain bounds. I have violated those bounds. I am now here to set them straight.

Here are the things that I am going to do to receive your protection and blessings. I ask that you quicken my heart and mind to hear the promptings that you have for me.

Things I will do:

1. Daily scripture reading and study.
   1. Study on the sanctity of marriage.
   2. Study about Temples and Temple Marriage.
   3. Study about the atonement.
   4. Study the Miracle of Forgiveness.
2. Daily Personal Prayer
   1. Morning (after waking, before work)

i. Ask for your blessings throughout the upcoming day.

ii. Ask for strength.

iii. Admiration of You.

2. 2. During the day

i. Checking in

ii. Asking for help with specific issues

iii. Showing my love to you.

2. 3. Before bed

i. Give thanks for all of the blessings throughout the day.

ii. Ask for blessings for others

iii. Ask for blessings during sleep.

2. 4. Prayer before eating.
3. Sexual purity.
   1. Abstain from pornography.
   2. Abstain from masturbation.
   3. No passionate kissing.
   4. No laying together

i. Never on top of one another. (next to one another appropriate if adhering to other clauses)

ii. Sitting together while watching a movie or reading is alright.

3. 5. No touching another’s body inappropriately with or without clothing.
   6. Avoid conversation or activities that arouse sexual feelings

i. No teasing, joking, or playing around with that subject.

3. 7. Environment monitoring

i. Talk about the concerns with involved party. (ask for help with changing situation)

ii. Physically leave the situation.

These things could be considered challenging, and they certainly would be if I weren’t to have your help in this process. I know that you love me, and as my Father, you will look out for me, protect me when necessary, and constantly be concerned for me.

By following these things, the blessings that I will receive in return:

1. Your spirit to be with me.
   1. I will be able to notice it more quickly
2. A change within my own heart.
   1. Willing to follow the promptings of the Spirit.
3. Relationships will flourish.
   1. Friendships will become closer
   2. People will feel more willing to come to me with their challenges
4. Strength when near temptation.
   1. Ability to move from the situation.
   2. Ability to rectify/fix the environment.
5. Protection from temptation.
6. Opportunities to Minister to others.
   1. Helen
   2. Eric
   3. Others
7. Blessings of clarity of thought.
8. Able to better schedule my time
9. More organized

i. In study

ii. In work

iii. In home

10. Discipline to do Your Will, even when inconvenient.

Heavenly Father, I know that you are interested in my welfare, and I know that you will be available to me anytime to have your spirit to be with me for comfort and protection. All I must do is ask for it.

I pray now that you will provide that Mantle of Protection for me. In your word you say, “Many are called, but few are chosen.” Please provide the strength in character and integrity that will lead me to your chosen few.

I love you very much.

Thank you for your support, protection, and guidance in this rough time in my life.

In Your Son’s Name, Amen.

I think this will be a good opportunity to journal again.

I find that so many good thoughts come out on the screen when I do this, it allows me to see what I am thinking and to explore that thought process.

So here I am. Making a decision about how I will handle two girls. One that I have built a great relationship with, and another that there is a large unknown, but can choose to love if that is the route that I take. Read the rest of this entry »

FED 2002
What a function. I am working on Journaling. I just spoke with Kurt Goad. Asked about the process of sharing the love within to others. What there is that I can do to be able to spead that life to others. He answers many things, but mostly it is a great in great out theme. He suggested prayer, books, tapes, and journaling. Here is another journal entry. Read the rest of this entry »

I love people.

I know that people are weird, but life is good.

I recognize that this is a numbers game and I just have to play it to the end… Perhaps it’s just like the variable rate burn for the string. I may find all the aces in the first four cards, but they also may be in the end. It’s all about consistency.

Lots of things on my heart right now. Lots of love. I recognize that the reason that I am here, that I am doing all of this, is that I have no other options. In order for me to treat my wife first class, in order to provide her with the very best things in life, I must discipline myself to do the things that may or may not be comfortable.

There are so many hearts out there that desire more out of life.; that recognize that there is more than just holding a job, maintaining a living. It is my mission to release them from the bondage that they would otherwise be condemned to receive, wither that entrapment be currently or in the future.

I look into peoples eyes and see so much more than what they see when they look into the mirror. It is my purpose to breathe life into those individuals who are lacking in their own hearts. It amazes me the intensity that people cling to the things that they are associated with.

I look at all the people around me, and they are no longer in looking to prosper, but to survive.

SURVIVAL,
STABILITY,
SUCCESS,
SIGNIFICANCE!

To prosper in life is to spill over the good in your life to the life of others. It is my mission to help people prosper who have ceased to do so. Many are hurting, many need the love of a Man to show them the way that they can become. So many people are developing and have a drop of hope in their souls that we must capture and develop until it is something of a falls coming forth from their mouths and hearts. Everyone was born for greatness, and because of my presence, more and more will be empowered to achieve it! In helping those who are currently at the stage of Survival, I am here to help them prosper to the extent that they are interested. In doing such, I will not only attain success, but to an extent, Significance.

Before the next function, I AM GOING EAGLE. I am forming my eagleship in the course of 30 days. This process holds a two fold purpose:

1. I will have no other explanation for my abilities but to place my accomplishment in the hands of God.
2. I will no longer be able to accept the excuse that I, or anyone else, are unable to perform such a feat.

I know that when I put my mind to a goal, I can achieve it. My CORE streak was started with a decision, my reading of the Book of Mormon was started with a decision, my winning of the artistry contest was made through a decision. This is another one that will be accomplished through that same process.

This run will be a run of numbers. I will track closely the successes and failures, and hope to receive the failures. Those letdowns will not be negative at all, but instead, uplifting experiences that allow me to go forth and find something more out of life!

All successful people are not successful because of talent, but because of persevearance. I am a man of resolve that shall not be shaken from this endeavor.

In thirty days, I will show an overview to 30 different people. Some will be ones that I know currently, but more likely than not, it will be people that the Lord brings into my path. God intends for me to prosper, and as such, He will bring all the people into my life that I will need to accomplish this goal.

No excuse will compete with my resolve to accomplish this task. I will be stronger, faster and smarter than any opponent who dare divert my attentions.

My business comes first, my relationship with Bill and Sharon second, Helen third, and friends fourth.

This goal will provide me with the following results:
1. Greater confidence within myself.
2. A respect from those people around me.
3. The privilege to work with Brad Wolgamott directly.
4. The privilege to sit in the Eagle Section at FED and future functions.
5. The privilege to attend the Eagle Only functions – both in Juneau and at major functions.
6. The greater responsibility to server. (I grow as a man and a server.)
7. Financial rewards from business development.

At eagle I will reward myself with a new camera.
At double eagle, I will reward myself with a new video camera.

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be able to roll over and kiss my wife, and snuggle in closer rather than get up and hit the streets with the need for chasing the dollar.

I refuse to allow money to control and dominate my life.

I want my kids to be able to know that their father is a champion of life. I desire my wife and children to see me as a hero in their lives.

I will leave a financial and spiritual legacy for the Bennett family.

I will be able to provide for my family in a first class way.

My mother will have the best possible care available when the time comes.

My brother will be able to pursue any of the desires that he has as an adolescent and young adult.

originally written 7.28.02 – how time flies…

Journal Entry – February 13, 2002

So yet another journal entry. I don’t really know what I have in mind to talk about (or I mean type about) but I still feel like typing. I just was working on the beginning of a memo to Joe about some training recommendations for Sandlin and Holly. Joe has opened up the opportunity for me to move into more of an ‘Operations Manager’ for the helpdesk. It provides more responsibility and more flexibility, so I am not sure how it will turn out. I suppose the way I look at it for the moment is that I can try it and if for some reason it doesn’t work for me, I can always move back to the generic Helpdesk dude.

Okay, next subject. I am reading John Maxwell’s, Developing the Leader Within You. It’s a great book, the way it flows is very smooth, and it has lots of potent snippits that I can highlight and comment on which makes it nice for me. It’s a great study book. In fact, it’s interesting that at the moment, Joe is taking a leadership class as well. I don’t know if he is learning anything, but it is fun to watch him grow. I am in a weird position… I think I am more experienced when it comes to that sort of thing, so I feel somewhat obligated to help him grow into the position. For example, he periodically will touch me on the shoulder or pat me on the back… Typically he isn’t a touchy person with very many people so it is my assumption that he is trying to communicate more with my style of communication, physical touch. It’s been interesting to say the least.

Lets see, something else… oh, I am going to see Helen soon. Actually, I leave Thursday (now it is late night of Tuesday). I don’t really know what I am doing in the matter. I would suggest that it is more I am bending to her desires, but I don’t know if I want to be in a different position at the moment. I know that it will be good for me to be around her. As it currently stands, I have been somewhat unfaithful when it comes to my thoughts. Lets just say that they haven’t consistently been of her. I think the challenge comes from a difference in our priorities. She is psyched to be in a relationship with me, however, I have lots of different priorities. Right now, a relationship is not the highest thing on my list. I don’t know how it will turn out, but I know it will all work out for the best.

It seems that we have several starkly different opinions of important things. My perspectives are perhaps a little more deeply defined, and I think that gives her the impression that I expect that of her. In some ways I would like her to agree with me, but I know there is a purpose behind her perspectives also. I wonder if this is what a married relationship will be like also… full of disagreements and possible mental unfaithfulness. I guess I would like to think that things are more storybook than that.

What else could I mention… My explorer is in the shop right now… I am going to have them try to fix the troubles that it has been having with the electrical system. Hopefully they will be able to track it down and fix it really fast. I included a breakdown of all the things that I have done with it in hopes that they will be able to use the information to determine the cause for it’s behavior.

Okay, so I got a little side tracked… I just went through the process of removing all of the information linked to Windows Media Player because I had tons of titles where the files aren’t held on this computer anymore. I burned them all to CD. I found the way to remove it.

All right (though I think it should be spelled alright) I am going to get some more reading done before going to sleep. I think Cheryl is planning on waking me in the morning. That should be interesting. I don’t really know what to expect, though she might be able to give me a ride to my car, or to work… Though the biking situation isn’t so bad.

With that, have a great night, and I hope that you have learned something, and perhaps had some fun remembering these experiences.

Till next time,
-Cody

Okay, so another day down. Work at the helpdesk was good, nothing unique to report other than my training of Holly. It was good, though I like training when contacts are coming in.

Another good thing was that we talked about our interlude. I suppose we were both aware that it might be awkward working together. I found that she wasn’t upset with me, and that is good. Right now the air is cleared. We’ll see what happens. Adriana backed out of climbing at the rock dump… that was lame. In retrospect, I gave her a real hard time about that. I want to do that less (give hard times.) Perhaps we’ll go soon. I think Friday is the planned time.

Tyson gets back tomorrow. Oh my gosh. It’s been 2 years already! Yikes. I wonder what he will think about my activity level. I hope he is graceful about it. I’d guess he would.

Helen paged me today, just a little note/msg to let me know that she loves me. I wonder what love means.

I still might go to fairbanks in a couple of weeks. I’m waiting for a guy at statewide to get back to me about it. Hopefully I’ll know more tomorrow.

I talked with Eric for a while today about the housing arrangement… It seemed to go well, but we’ll see what happens with Amanda. I wish there was some easy way to accomplish everyone’s desires. Likely not, but it’d be kinda neat.

Tomorrow there is a Pohl BP here. I need to use some time to clean, and maybe do some dishes too.

Oh today I found out that I have female sperm. I guess all guys have it, but needless to say, I was a bit surprised.

Well, I’ve still got some reading.

Night!
-Cody