It has been a good day. 

It started by staying up way late last night and setting up the Juneau Life profiles all over the web. I awoke this morning with heather arriving around 10 am. I laid in bed a bit longer while we chatted about miscellany… Finally around 11am, we got up and moving. She cooked a lovely breakfast of banana-macadamia pancakes, eggs & bacon, and I tried to finish the final wrappings I had yet to do. Next we had some food around noon, and when finished, I jumped back to business with submitting a contest entry for the All Day I Dream About Photography blog, for a year’s subscription to Smugmug. I guess I’m one of 3 submitters, so we’ll see how I do against the competition. Here’s the full-resolution link, if you like.

We’ll also see if I can insert a smaller version in the blog entry to try to make things a bit more flashy: 

Christmas Collage (Entry for ADIDAP)

So, theoretically, that image will take you to the jumbo version, but really, I don’t know for sure. 

On with the day. 

Next Heather & I picked up Shane and headed out to Mom’s house for dinner. She had cooked up a storm and had all the fixin’s. It was good. At some point through the night, Shane decided to get feisty with mom about a gun he left behind, and I stepped in and told him to drop the issue; I think he was upset about something prior and, it seemed he might have been disappointed by the gifts he received when compared to the items my mom got. We eventually gave shane a ride home and then went to see Seven Pounds with Will Smith; a very heavy show. 

While I’m in that neck of the woods, I’ll see if I can articulate some of the items I received (and gave): 

For me: 

• two dress shirts, one had a matching tie
• dress pants
• pocket wizard plus (though it may require a return or a purchase of a second one to make it a useful tool for off-camera flash.
• a carhart zippered sweatshirt (though it’s a bit small, so will get a return)
• some tire repair kit pieces to patch bike tires

For other people: 

• heather
  • crash course dvd
  • $1000 of chiropractic care
  • custom photo-book of cherished memories
  • personalized accents ribbon gift album (for jewelry)
  • two (regifted) mugs and hot-cocoa.
• mom
  • flat screen monitor
  • mark kelley calendar
  • crash course dvd
  • allman brothers band chronology
• shane
  • book on dreams
  • earnest collection dvd
  • 4 classic rock cds & cd case
• jason
  • ribbon gift album (variety style)
  • movie viewings (one card, one paid for tonight)

And I got some stuff for other people too, but I don’t really feel like chronicling the list now.

I think heather & i will be sitting down to do something else (or go to sleep early) so we’ll see where that heads, but for now, I’ll be signing off. 

nighty, night.

Well, it feels like it’s been a while since I last posted an entry, so I thought tonight would be a good opportunity to do so. It’s Sunday the 21st, and we’ve got a 2-day week at UAS before a break for the holidays.

Photos.

I hope to use the break to get some significant catch up done with my photos. I’ve got a few outlying projects that would be wonderful to get done with (sophie’s wedding, nick’s graduation, javier’s dancing, and bill’s holiday party). For some reason, I’m thinking there might be more too.

IE8b2.

I guess Internet Explorer has a new version available for download and in the other browser, I’m doing that now. I don’t really care for IE much, but I figured that it might be something to look back upon and realize, “oh, I was 28 years old when that product was out… my how things have changed.” Kinda like the way I recall Netscape Mozilla or whatever those first web browsers were called.

Listening.

Tonight Bill did a great webcast on the premise of listening; it’s so rare that we spend the time to actually listen to what is being said in conversation… it seems there are  so many distractions that it’s easiest to just pick up “noise” rather than any real meaning or importance.

Car.

Weather has been quite cold lately, and in these cold snaps, my car just doesn’t like it… Right now, the driver’s side shocks/struts are frozen solid which means that every bump I roll over is not buffered at all… As John Pohl put it, it’s like “tobagganing over washboard on saran wrap.” A very potent picture, indeed.

Bonus Checks.

I’m not sure how this will work out, but bonus checks will hence-forth be handled through direct payment with Amway Global. It’s a good thing insomuch as we won’t have to do as much management of volume and the like, but I’m nervous because there is a stipulation indicating that you MUST have 50pv or more in retail client volume BEFORE you can receive a bonus. That will be a painful realization, but at the same time, a very good (and motivating) one.

Core.

I’ve been away from the bandwagon recently, though today felt good insomuch as I got back on the horse, as it were. I listened to a CD earlier today and also read from The Slight Edge. I realize there is more to be done, but I’m glad for the modest progress. Tomorrow will be a better day yet!

Done.

Okay, so my alarm is set for 6:30 tomorrow, so I figure I might as well get some sleep now while I can. I’m glad I wrote, and hope to be back more regularly to reflect upon my day, and heck, it’ll improve my typing skills too! 🙂

G’nite,

-cb

Those are the two topics I was thinking of writing about. Primarily I intended to write about pain or hurt this evening, and then I realized that the other day I had intended to write a bit about love… So now you get a truncated version of both.

Love.

Heather said she loves me, and frankly it brings tears to my eyes. I’m not sure what to make of it, as the whole experience of love and vulnerability scares me. I was hurt as a child, from my fathers absence to my own mistakes in past relationships, and I’m afraid that I might make some of the same mistakes I had in the past. I don’t want to cause pain, and I’m afraid that I have simply hidden reality rather than experiencing it. It’s much like that book “For Women Only” where men innately feel they are imposters, but I am afraid that it is so much deeper than that.

Pain.

Heather and I had some type (I’m not even sure) of thing this evening. I don’t know if it was her tone that I took offense to, or perhaps that I did something that she did not see my heart in. Either way, it’s a strained air between us. These don’t last, but it’s no fun having the pain exist. I feel accused and condemned for being myself, but I’m not sure if I have brought that criticism to myself through my actions towards heather.

Hurt.

My heart aches. I think it is at an absence of spiritual connection – I don’t feel the motivation or worth to pray. I get nervous that I am simply lip-syncing a prayer. The other day I found myself praying for a huge dream; one that scares me, and moves me, and gives my flesh motivation to do the work. I’m not sure that I see it yet, but it seems to come to focus slowly at times with my analytical approach.

Marriage.

More and more, day by day, person by person (almost), I get questioned, or commented about the prospect of Heather and I getting married. I despise the pressure, and would much rather retreat to a more protected land where I could think through things and come to an answer without the influence of peers who have no clue what they want in their life.

Alright, I’m going to get some sleep and awake with a new passion to maintain productivity through the morning and into the day. There is so much to be done in life, and I am the man to do it.

Have a good night!

Okay, maybe it’s not anger… maybe it’s more of an unrest or frustration that is just beneath the surface of my life…

I think about how all it takes to do great things is to take action (not even good action) in the direction that I want to go, and if I’m consistent with it, I’ll achieve whatever goal I might have.

I sit hear and type while Heather lays town to sleep next to me. It’s a Friday evening, and she’s restless with discomfort of being sick over the past few days, and trying to get some sleep to recharge for the weekend. Her breathing is heavy, thick almost, with congestion. I don’t think I’ve been anything but cross over the past few days, and I can’t really place why. It’s not that I’m upset with her… Perhaps it’s just myself… not being as productive as I would like to be. I feel frustrated by silly little things, like her breathing, and not really understanding what pain exists in my life that contributes to this sliver under my nail.

Midnight, and Bill had another plan tonight. 3 guests, all Oscar’s, I believe. I attended, with suit, with downline, but no new faces. It’s high time to get active, to expose this model to others, to thrive in helping other people achieve their goals – whether it be saving money or doing amazing things in the next few years to revolutionize their entire lives and their families future to come.

Activities for tomorrow are not planned to any degree other than a set activity of watching a cool dance performance in the evening. I want to make some progress with Britteny’s wedding album – 30’ish pages, with a variety of photos. I want to make some progress with Sophie’s photos, just to get them in a final place. I have many photo projects to finish… Time to get some done.

Further, I want to progress my business; calls to downline, offering my assistance, sharing my love, casting a vision of the future in spite of this uncertain economic time. I want to grow my business, making calls to people who have not yet seen the business model – as a goal to sit down and see the model. To grow my clientelle, reaching out to people’s needs – whether that be a superior product or just the benefit of Airline Miles. It’s a matter of reaching out and building relationships. Calling those people I haven’t called yet. Those people who may not yet be close friends. It’s about building others and helping them see the greatness in themselves. It’s about seeing the greatness with me.

Well, it’s midnight, and I’ll be getting up early to pursue some of these lofty plans towards various points of success. Staying true to my dreams will pay off in the end. I will (and am) breaking through those paper walls that exist in my life to find my freedom, prosperity and joy on the other side.

Well, I’m posting this a bit earlier tonight with thoughts that I might go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour and then get up early’ish and maybe even ride my bike to work.

I titled this post “Keep Trying” for the sheer reason that despite the best laid plans, they don’t always go as you might hope. I had such grand aspirations to make each moment count, to value the precious present throughout the day, and frankly, I’m just feeling a bit tired. Sadly I was a bit muted to Heather – I don’t know if it is from tired’ness, or that I had some less-than-positive experiences… nothing big, so I’m guessing it’s the sleep. I don’t recall anything inparticular that I might be misinterpreting.

So, I guess the message to mysefl today is simply to stay the course. There’s so much in life to do, and we can’t have it all, so just work towards having as much life as you can find! 🙂

Well, maybe I’ll post again later with more details from my day, or, I might just sleep.

Till later, keep trying.

-cb

I had a good (and long) talk with Bill this evening… It ranged from products, to values, to business, and so forth.

I think the most significant thing I took away was some dialog we had regarding a recent observation that he made suggesting that I might want to look at myself to make sure that I’m as generous as I would like to be (aka not “stingy”). It’s been something that I’ve been grinding on for some time now, and it was nice to chat some to ask clarifying questions about.

I guess the crux of the issue is that it all is within the spirit. It’s not so much the dollar amount, or the dynamics of the interaction, as it is that I want to give the other person the better part of the deal… To give them the better seat at the table, as John Maxwell puts it.

Bill was reminded of a story that I think of regularly… of Brad Duncan visiting Ron Puryears house and finding a Mercedes covered in boxes, and generally going unused. It still had the sale stickers on it in fact. As the story progressed, Brad found out that Ron paid full retail for the car and of course reacted vehemently claiming that was the wrong choice and that he could have saved money. As it turns out, Ron had a different view… “Listen here, young man. I live in this community, I care about my neighbors and friends. If you can’t afford to pay the retail cost, then you have no business buying it in the first place!” (of course, this is paraphrased, but it brings up a good point… We’re here to bless others, not to horde things for ourselves. The Lord is uniquely concerned with our well being, and if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, than who are we to think that were are outside of his watchful eye.

I really liked some of the clarifying and repurposing questions that Bill asked throughout the talk:

• Laying on my death bed, will [name the situation] bother me?
• Will I feel good about it? 
• If I died in my sleep tonight, what would [he/she/they] think about me? 
• Am I aiming for excellence in my daily efforts, or am I just getting along being adequate? 

So, if the spirit is really one of generosity, what actions will exist? Who do I know who I consider to have a generous spirit? Toby Coate? Pat Shier? Others?

…Let’s see… what else can I chat about?

Oh, regarding business development, (mostly through Heather’s prompting) I gave Christine (& Tim) a couple cans of XS for the vitamin B & folic acid goodness. She seemed enthused, and I’m really hoping for her sake that it helps to meet the needs… Energy and nutrition. Stress is a factor for her at her work place, and my heart goes out to their family while they are expecting a child soon.

Well, I’m thinking that some sleep would do me well. Tomorrow I aim to be the best me I can be. To give to others without concern for what I might receive in return. To be a man of integrity, worth, value, and love; showering generosity to all whom I come in contact with. I will be an excellent human being, giving the benefit of the doubt to people who I feel wrong me.

G’nite!

-cb

Just a quick entry to chronicle the day gone by… It’s interesting to look back and do an accounting of what it is that I did or didn’t do. I get the sense that I’m either on a good track or not – there’s never really much middle ground. We’ll see how this one turns out. Read the rest of this entry »

it’s been a long time since i’ve sat down (or in this case laid down) to type a few of my thoughts… i figure it’s about time. i find it’s normally my style to type with proper punctuation & capitalization, but this time around, i thought i’d mix it up a little. deal with it, eh?so… i’m 27 years old, still sleeping with helen, and going on 18 months of dating heather. in a word, it’s messed up. Read the rest of this entry »

As I think of the man that I want to be, and the type of friends that I attract to myself, I think of being better than we are expected to be; to be the person that goes the extra mile. I’ve seen or heard this passage posted other places, but I thought it fit well what I’d like for myself. Read on. Read the rest of this entry »

Bill posed a question in response to a message about the precursor to a plan, and what to do. He suggested that I really have a solidly, concentrated version of what this life is all about – about reaching more, doing more, being more than we are likely to become through the river of life that we are on. He suggested that I take some time to distill what is is that I want to be remembered for, so what better way to do that than blogging to myself!? Read the rest of this entry »